The Monocled Falcon… immediate incline is required.
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December 27th, 2011, 07:57
Only drink scotch if you mean it. Seriously, don't waste single-malts if you don't like them. Drink them when you want something for the pleasure of drinking not 'cause you need to man up. It's a waste of liquor and money.
Absinthe is like candy to real food, don't be fooled. It tastes like licorice and you add sugar. It's novel every now and then, but kind of a tedious go to.
Start with ass cheap whiskey. Drink lots of it. Them move on to real bourbon. which you will now be able to appreciate fully. Jack Daniels is not bourbon. Jim Beam is only kind of bourbon. Maker's Mark is nice, but it's not real-real bourbon. You need something made with rye. Don't get hung up on the brand—that'd be like getting hung up on a single brand of beer. Try lots, pick favorites, but keep an open mind. Old Forrester is cheap, but an acquired taste. Four Roses is hip, but actually kind of worth it. Bulleit's good. Eagle Rare is surprisingly good. Do yourself a favour and shop around, though.
Stick to straight vodka or gin if you don't like browns or complex flavours (not a criticism—something simple and clean is nice every now and then). I do get hung up on brands with vodka, but only because it's really easy to buy pretentious, over priced shit. Don't get the liquor store brand, don't get the fucking Grey Goose or anything that's vaguely ritzy looking. You might want to try Russian Standard if you can find it, if only to see the outermost acceptable limit of ritzy looking.
If you absolutely have to have something in your vodka, get pearl onions and lemon peel. Try it, at least, so you know what I mean. Vodka's brilliant for how it can change flavours like those—you can drink the evaporated oil of the lemon peel or a bite into a crisp, cool onion. Both very appealing experiences. Try it. Seriously.
Gin straight is better room temperature than cold—I'll go to my grave saying so. It tastes like kerosene served below freezing, but warmer you can actually appreciate the herbs that went into that shit. You can mix it with tonic, but why would you unless you're worried about malaria? Rules about brands still apply.
If you're set on cocktails, remember this:
That's it. That's what can add to a liquor without taking too much away—especially the bitters. Not a hard and fast rule, of course, but don't add shit to that recipe unless you know what you're doing and you have time to experiment.
By the way, got the message? Shit like scotch is manly because it's about the drinking, the art of it. You can't skip the appreciation to enter the manly in any real sense. You've got to taste it. Drinking straight whiskey/whisky is just the way that's best for people who really like how whiskies taste. Not knocking you for trying, but… You don't become a Jedi for the power of the Force, you get the power for becoming a Jedi, son. Don't walk down the darkside of liquor pretension.
And don't waste scotch, damn it.
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