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January 30th, 2012, 18:11
A little translation table for everyone that does a decent job of skewering both sides: (would work better with table format, but I think y'all can follow it)

Democrat / Republican
Arsenal of weapons / gun collection
Delicate wetlands / swamp
undocumented worker / illegal alien
cruelty-free materials / synthetic fiber
assault and battery / attitude adjustment (I particularly like that one)
heavily armed / well protected
narrow-minded / righteous
"your fair share" (taxes) / coerced theft
commonsense gun control / gun confiscation plot
illegal hazardous explosive / stump removal fireworks
non-viable tissue mass / unborn baby
equal access to opportunity / socialism
multicultural community / high crime area
fairness, social progress / marxism
"the rich" (upper class) / self-employed
"change" (progressive) / big government scheme
homeless or disadvantaged / bums or welfare leeches
sniper rifle / scoped deer rifle
investment for the future / higher taxes
healthcare reform / socialized medicine
extremist / conservative
truants / homeschoolers
victim or oppressed / criminal or lazy
high capacity magazine / standard capacity magazine
religious zealot / church-going
reintroduced wolves / sheep and elk killers
fair trade coffee / overprices yuppie coffee
"the rich" (exploiters) / employed or land owners
The Gun Lobby / NRA members
assault weapon / semi-auto (Grandpa's M1 carbine)
fiscal stimulus / new and higher taxes
same sex marriage / legalized perversion
mandated eco-friendly lighting / Chinese mercury-laden light bulbs
accepted facts / horse shit

Sorry. No pearls of wisdom in this oyster.
Dallas Cowboys: Still afraid to hope / / Detroit Red Wings: Another rollercoaster season?
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