Return of the Daily Smile
- Thread starter Arma
- Start date
Cm
Sentinel of Light
(ST LOUIS, MO AP) St Louis Rams football practice was delayed nearly 2
hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery
substance on the practice field.
Head coach Scott Linehan immediately suspended practice while St Louis
police and Federal Investigators were called in to investigate.
After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white
Substance unknown to the players was the goal line
Practice was resumed after special agents determined the team was Unlikely
to encounter the substance again.
hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery
substance on the practice field.
Head coach Scott Linehan immediately suspended practice while St Louis
police and Federal Investigators were called in to investigate.
After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white
Substance unknown to the players was the goal line
Practice was resumed after special agents determined the team was Unlikely
to encounter the substance again.
dteowner
Shoegazer
Setup for the above joke courtesy of the Dallas Cowboys, 35-7. 
Poor cm. Any team gets that many injuries on the O-line, it's going to be a difficult season.
Poor cm. Any team gets that many injuries on the O-line, it's going to be a difficult season.
Cm
Sentinel of Light
Lost season I am afraid. And the mess here with Jokety and LaRusso is beyond belief. The whole town is bent.
dteowner
Shoegazer
Hey, at least the Blues will be better this year. Some folks are even picking them to sneak into an 8th seed.
I'd like to issue a call for specific smiles. I originally called it "T-shirt wisdom", but I'm opening it up a bit. I'm looking for some good white board fodder. As a sample of my aim, I'll offer this:
When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by redoubling your efforts, there's no end to the things you can't do.
Whacha got, folks?
I'd like to issue a call for specific smiles. I originally called it "T-shirt wisdom", but I'm opening it up a bit. I'm looking for some good white board fodder. As a sample of my aim, I'll offer this:
When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by redoubling your efforts, there's no end to the things you can't do.
Whacha got, folks?
magerette
Hedgewitch
- Joined
- October 18, 2006
- Messages
- 7,834
I like this place for T-Shirts, myself: Think Geek
I had a bumper sticker once that said, "There's nothing wrong with me that reincarnation couldn't cure."
I had a bumper sticker once that said, "There's nothing wrong with me that reincarnation couldn't cure."
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2006
- Messages
- 7,834
Cm
Sentinel of Light
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From
morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining
about
something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing
with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the
field.
He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to
eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again.
Complain,
nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught
her
smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something
rather
odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he
would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreemen t; but when a
man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then
shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister
decided to ask the old farmer about it.
So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked
him
why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his
head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something
about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod
my head in agreement."
And what about the men?" the minister asked.
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining
about
something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing
with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the
field.
He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to
eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again.
Complain,
nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught
her
smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something
rather
odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he
would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreemen t; but when a
man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then
shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister
decided to ask the old farmer about it.
So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked
him
why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his
head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something
about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod
my head in agreement."
And what about the men?" the minister asked.
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."
Bartacus
BartWatch
A small joke:
Q: What's that wrinkly thing on Grandma?
A: Grandpa.
translated to rpgwatch this gives:
Q: What's that wrinkly thing on CM?
A: Corwin.
Q: What's that wrinkly thing on Grandma?
A: Grandpa.
translated to rpgwatch this gives:
Q: What's that wrinkly thing on CM?
A: Corwin.
Cm
Sentinel of Light
Bart you may think MY list is bad but a Corwin list is the worst. He makes copy after copy so he can be sure not to loose them or forget them and with each copy he adds to what he plans to do to you. Funny how he remembers that but not what he did with his lists. :lol:
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no
good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings,
and the irritated husband says,
"What took you so long to answer to the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no
good in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings,
and the irritated husband says,
"What took you so long to answer to the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
No she was to wrinkly
*scribble scribble* 
Saw this today:
Captain Hook and Captain Kidd meet in the Pirates Cove Bar. Kidd says to Hook, "What's wrong with you? You're a mess. Look at your hand ... you've got no hand ... just that metal hook. What happened?"
"Musket exploded in my hand."
"And your leg, there's no bottom of the leg, just a peg."
"British cannon ball."
"And your eye, that black patch over it, what happened?"
"Pigeon crapped in it."
"How could you lose your eye from a pigeon crapping in it?"
"First day with the new hand."
Captain Hook and Captain Kidd meet in the Pirates Cove Bar. Kidd says to Hook, "What's wrong with you? You're a mess. Look at your hand ... you've got no hand ... just that metal hook. What happened?"
"Musket exploded in my hand."
"And your leg, there's no bottom of the leg, just a peg."
"British cannon ball."
"And your eye, that black patch over it, what happened?"
"Pigeon crapped in it."
"How could you lose your eye from a pigeon crapping in it?"
"First day with the new hand."
Cm
Sentinel of Light
The 6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly:
"I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to, " his wife replied.
"No," he insisted,
"I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know," she replied,
" now just rest and let the poison work."
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly:
"I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to, " his wife replied.
"No," he insisted,
"I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
"I know," she replied,
" now just rest and let the poison work."
Cm
Sentinel of Light
How true how true. :lol:
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
"How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
"Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied:
"Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied:
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
The 5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
"How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
"Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied:
"Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied:
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
Bartacus
BartWatch
I've changed my signature once more. Cool, isn't it?
Two statues stood in a city park: one female and the other male. These statues faced each other for many years.
Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."
And with that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling, and twigs snapping.
After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.
Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"
Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"
Two statues stood in a city park: one female and the other male. These statues faced each other for many years.
Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."
And with that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling, and twigs snapping.
After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.
Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"
Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"