Political and politically incorrect humor
- Thread starter dteowner
- Start date
Captain Buzzkill
Sentinel
- Joined
- February 2, 2011
- Messages
- 476
The most obnoxious thing about brithers is the same thing that makes 9/11 conspiracy theorists so horrible to talk to: It doesn't matter how simple the real explanation is, or how much science supports it, they're never going to be able to accept it, and will keep coming up with more and more convoluted reasoning that will allow them to live in their little dream-world.
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2011
- Messages
- 476
Not all that humorous, but I've been starting to see this a lot lately.
dteowner
Shoegazer
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- just to loosen up and be a part of the crowd.
Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly that we are doing here?"
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver.
"You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.
She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.
"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some John Locke. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors.
They didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Emerson, a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster.
This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
Today I took the final step...I joined the Democratic Party.
Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.
That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly that we are doing here?"
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver.
"You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.
She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.
"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some John Locke. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors.
They didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.
Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Emerson, a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster.
This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.
I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
Today I took the final step...I joined the Democratic Party.
Captain Buzzkill
Sentinel
- Joined
- February 2, 2011
- Messages
- 476
I've heard this joke…
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2011
- Messages
- 476
GothicGothicness
SasqWatch
- Joined
- October 25, 2006
- Messages
- 6,292
If you changed it to republican party... it would even be accurate 
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2006
- Messages
- 6,292
dteowner
Shoegazer
Subject:: Psychology 101
If you start with a cage containing five monkeys and inside the cage, hang
a banana on a string from the top and then you place a set of stairs under
the banana, before long a monkey will go to the stairs and climb toward the
banana.
As soon as he touches the stairs, you spray all the other monkeys with cold
water.
After a while another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all
the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water.
Pretty soon when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other
monkeys will try to prevent it.
Now, put the cold water away.
Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one.
The new monkey sees the banana and attempts to climb the stairs.
To his shock, all of the other monkeys beat the crap out of him.
After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the
stairs he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five monkeys, replacing it with a new
one.
The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked.
The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment....with enthusiasm.
Then, replace a third original monkey with a new one, followed by a fourth,
then the fifth.
Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs he is attacked.
Most of the monkeys that are beating him up have no idea why they were not
permitted to climb the stairs.
Neither do they know why they are participating in the beating of the
newest monkey.
Finally, having replaced all of the original monkeys, none of the remaining
monkeys will have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, none of
the monkeys will try to climb the stairway for the banana.
Why, you ask? Because in their minds....that is the way it has always been!
This, my friends, is how Congress operates... and is why, from time to time,
all of the monkeys need to be replaced at the same time.
If you start with a cage containing five monkeys and inside the cage, hang
a banana on a string from the top and then you place a set of stairs under
the banana, before long a monkey will go to the stairs and climb toward the
banana.
As soon as he touches the stairs, you spray all the other monkeys with cold
water.
After a while another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all
the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water.
Pretty soon when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other
monkeys will try to prevent it.
Now, put the cold water away.
Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one.
The new monkey sees the banana and attempts to climb the stairs.
To his shock, all of the other monkeys beat the crap out of him.
After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the
stairs he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five monkeys, replacing it with a new
one.
The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked.
The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment....with enthusiasm.
Then, replace a third original monkey with a new one, followed by a fourth,
then the fifth.
Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs he is attacked.
Most of the monkeys that are beating him up have no idea why they were not
permitted to climb the stairs.
Neither do they know why they are participating in the beating of the
newest monkey.
Finally, having replaced all of the original monkeys, none of the remaining
monkeys will have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, none of
the monkeys will try to climb the stairway for the banana.
Why, you ask? Because in their minds....that is the way it has always been!
This, my friends, is how Congress operates... and is why, from time to time,
all of the monkeys need to be replaced at the same time.
Such a good example and it gets wasted on a congress joke. Sad, really.
Übereil, who was rooting for making a point on retributivism
Dedicated to a certain British Monarch : http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/ninety-gaffes-in-ninety-years-2290148.html
zakhal
SasqWatch
I wonder if zombies are going to rise to barricades soon:
Greece ends years of retirement pay to dead pensioners
http://www.taipeitimes.com/News/world/archives/2010/08/28/2003481475
Greece ends years of retirement pay to dead pensioners
http://www.taipeitimes.com/News/world/archives/2010/08/28/2003481475
Last edited:
Tragos
Otinanist
Nothing strange , in the 80's government start giving "partisan" pensions to people who have fought the nazis during occupation 1940-1944, many of them were 14 year olds....
It's an open secret that the Greek governments handled these things as a way to reward people who have been loyal to them ...
They did so over the last decades, thus swelling up the bureaucracy apparatus ...
(Oops, spelling ?)
They did so over the last decades, thus swelling up the bureaucracy apparatus ...
(Oops, spelling ?)
skavenhorde
Little BRO Rat
If you changed it to republican party… it would even be accurate
I thought it was about Republicans until the end. Then it didn't make any sense what-so-ever
