I myself recognized me in 3,7,8 (had 8 this morning), 12,13 and 14 
Return of the Daily Smile
- Thread starter Arma
- Start date
Risky bart, not even I would dare to say that.
I only thought it but didn't said it because it was her birthday, being so old and all is already hard enough, poor living undead grandmother
I only thought it but didn't said it because it was her birthday, being so old and all is already hard enough, poor living undead grandmother
curiously undead
tuned to a different freq
cm will have the last laugh though when bart ends up as her pet poodle in their next lives...
Cm
Sentinel of Light
Oh I think I need to kill Bart now AND in a second and maybe a third life! *Cm heads for the Barn to add some finishing touches.*
I think what Bart is doing may add him to this list.
You'll love the Darwin Awards.... from Mary Willis
It's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his inended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder.
He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of it's men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, he man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder-block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder-block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder-block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exite d a Ne w York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called "911" immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied:
"Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
(And they wonder why tigers eat their young!)
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
***A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER***
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bar gained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home-sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and family .. unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant or hope they remain lost.
Remember ... they walk among us
I think what Bart is doing may add him to this list.
You'll love the Darwin Awards.... from Mary Willis
It's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his inended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder.
He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of it's men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, he man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder-block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder-block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder-block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exite d a Ne w York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called "911" immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied:
"Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
(And they wonder why tigers eat their young!)
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
***A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER***
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bar gained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home-sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and family .. unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant or hope they remain lost.
Remember ... they walk among us
The Wanderer
in paths untrodden
Please Corwin, don't insult her memory or you'll end up on one of her lists!!
txa1265
SasqWatch
- Joined
- October 18, 2006
- Messages
- 14,951
*ON* her lists ... heck, she has an entire BOOK of lists about Corwin by now!
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2006
- Messages
- 14,951
Cm
Sentinel of Light
Too late. 
And yes I do have a special list just for Corwin. I use that to get even with him when we have our Friday game. 
enodenroH? You have just been added to my list as well. Enjoy the freedom while it lasts. I always get my revenge sooner or later.
And yes I do have a special list just for Corwin. I use that to get even with him when we have our Friday game. enodenroH? You have just been added to my list as well. Enjoy the freedom while it lasts. I always get my revenge sooner or later.
dteowner
Shoegazer
Lord have mercy, she's claimed another victim. Are you people not listening? EEEEVVVVIIIILLLL! And she's a woman! That's like exponential. The devil begged her to autograph his pitchfork. Cthulu nicely asked her to move along because she was scaring him. This ain't no vorpal bunny, folks. This is real danger.
that old and slow, the revenge will probably come later, much much later
cm a woman? maybe in a life long long ago, now it is only a sadistic monster who has troubles cathing her preys hehehe
hehehehehe
cm a woman? maybe in a life long long ago, now it is only a sadistic monster who has troubles cathing her preys hehehe
hehehehehe
Bartacus
BartWatch
Don't push it, titus, she's sometimes a sweet old woman (if you enjoy an occassional sting of a pitchfork)
Lethal Weapon
Sentinel
- Joined
- November 11, 2006
- Messages
- 257
This is not worth of a laugh, this is news!! The "unannounced MMO" can only be the Fallout MMO. And Jason Anderson is working on it? It would be interesting to see if they can pull this out.
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2006
- Messages
- 257
magerette
Hedgewitch
- Joined
- October 18, 2006
- Messages
- 7,834
I got a chortle or two out of it, Arma.
But by all means let me return to our usual man-bashi--er, female oriented jokes with this one:
A husband walks into Victoria 's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for
his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500
in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for
the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to
his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might
as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked,
return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself."
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband cries out,
"Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!"
(He never heard the shot.)
Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin.
But by all means let me return to our usual man-bashi--er, female oriented jokes with this one:
A husband walks into Victoria 's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for
his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500
in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for
the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to
his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might
as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked,
return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself."
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband cries out,
"Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!"
(He never heard the shot.)
Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin.
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2006
- Messages
- 7,834
a couple is having sex
says the man agaisnt the woman:
come and sit on my face
she replies: why, is your nose longer dan your stick?
No but your vagina might smell better than your breath
a 50 year old man goes confessing: I had sex with an 18 year old last night.
The priest says: drink the juice of 7 lemons.
Are my sins forgiven then?
No but atleast that grin will dissapear of your face
says the man agaisnt the woman:
come and sit on my face
she replies: why, is your nose longer dan your stick?
No but your vagina might smell better than your breath
a 50 year old man goes confessing: I had sex with an 18 year old last night.
The priest says: drink the juice of 7 lemons.
Are my sins forgiven then?
No but atleast that grin will dissapear of your face
Bartacus
BartWatch
Something for a certain woman on this forum:
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You're beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You're cute!” Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”
There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You're beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said “You're cute!” Well, the wife was dissapointed because instead of “beautiful” it was “cute.” She said “What happened to ‘beautiful’? His reply was “The drugs are wearing off!”