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Default Return of the Daily Smile

May 11th, 2011, 15:29
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the taxi, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and finally stopped inches from a store window.

For a second, everything in the cab went silent then the driver said, "Look, sir, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."

The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver—I've been driving a hearse for 20 years."

Sorry. No pearls of wisdom in this oyster.
Dallas Cowboys: *sigh* / / Detroit Red Wings: Took injuries to see them, but how about them youngsters!
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May 11th, 2011, 15:34
A man walks up to a taxi and asks the driver

"Are you free?"

"Yes"

"That's great. Me too"

And after that he walks on.
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May 14th, 2011, 11:00
Don't know whether this is a fake or not - but it sounds hilarious nevertheless !

http://damnyouautocorrect.com/8394/1…om-april-2011/

Another one :

Klingons killed Bin Laden ! Here is the proof : http://de.tv.yahoo.com/blog/article/…en-killer.html

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May 18th, 2011, 12:51
What's happened to all the Corwin Vs CM jokes ?
I'm reading pages 15 through to 20 and they're some of the funniest jokes ever !!!

Magerette and Bart too ! Where are you all ???
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May 18th, 2011, 12:59
Right here, Pladio -> busy at work and at home

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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May 18th, 2011, 13:12
Originally Posted by Bartacus View Post
Right here, Pladio -> busy at work and at home
We still need to meet up for a coffee or lunch at some point … I'm not in Antwerp much though … Should I PM you next time I'm back ?
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May 18th, 2011, 16:11
Ok, here is one for you Pladio,

Five year old has been trying for weeks to understand the concept of death.
His mother repeats the same answers every day, 20 times a day, as the child constantly asks her over and over and over.

Then suddenly the finality of it sinks in one day and the poor child starts what only can be called " the wailing and gnashing of teeth". Now he is still asking "will I die" 20 times a day, but when his mother responds with any answer that resembles yes he cries, moans, and generally goes into a fit of despair that would bring tears to the eye of the strongest among us. Even telling him that he will be an old man before that time comes does not work…….he simply looks at her and screams "But I will still be dead!"

To stop the pain, now felt by everyone in the house, his mother try to explain that he will go to heaven. She keeps focus on the wonder of "God loves you" part, but he
wants details.
What do you do there? ………….What ever you want I guess.
What does it look like? …………..No one knows, but it will be great and you will love it.
Can you eat candy? ………………I guess so, if that is what makes you happy.
Can you go swimming? ………….I guess so, God can make it anything.
Can I play with my toys?………….Sure, I guess so.
Can I play baseball? ……………….Yea, whatever you want.
Can it be daytime all the time?……..Yes, yes, I told you it is all the stuff you like.


Now the crying has stopped but the 20 questions are going strong for the next 2 weeks. Every day the same thing, just the details change.

Suddenly without prior discussion the boy comes in and announces "I know what heaven is now!"
What?

"It's K-Mart! Cause you can get everything you want at K-Mart."


So there you go folks……..we will all die and go to the big K-Mart in the sky!

(For anyone who does not know, K-Mart is a huge store that carries everything from clothes to food.)

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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May 18th, 2011, 16:25
Here is a oldie but a goodie….

"Who is the most famous german in America?"

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reply "The Hamburger"
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May 19th, 2011, 01:39
Dug up an old link. Heaven visualized by reverend Estus Pirkle. Featuring high-end (70s) visualization of the kingdom above, glorified bodies, narrator on speakers, crownbearing kings … and a singing midget lady.
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May 19th, 2011, 02:15
Originally Posted by Pladio View Post
What's happened to all the Corwin Vs CM jokes ?
I'm reading pages 15 through to 20 and they're some of the funniest jokes ever !!!

Magerette and Bart too ! Where are you all ???
The Cm vs Corwin jokes continue every Friday night (US time) in our online DDO gaming sessions!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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May 19th, 2011, 10:42
Originally Posted by GothicGothicness View Post
Here is a oldie but a goodie….

"Who is the most famous german in America?"

ROFL !


Okay, now my counter-attack !

"Wo is the most famous american in Germany ?

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The "Amerikaner"


[For those who don't know : It's this one : http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amerikaner_(Gebäck) - although *normally* it is complete white here, never saw it in black !]

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May 19th, 2011, 10:42
So, I need to play DDO to see them ?
Can't you guys play CivIV or V instead ?

Also, Corwin, Friday night US time is like Saturday night time here, right ?

Oh and, if I come to Brisbane for a few days end of June, would u want to have a lunch ? I'm planning on doing Sydney for 4/5 days, Brisbane for 3/4 and Cairns for 4/5 days (diving) before I head back home…

CM, good one. Not as good as the 0-200 in 6 seconds one though. That's the best
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May 19th, 2011, 14:25
Originally Posted by Pladio View Post
So, I need to play DDO to see them ?
Can't you guys play CivIV or V instead ?

Also, Corwin, Friday night US time is like Saturday night time here, right ?

Oh and, if I come to Brisbane for a few days end of June, would u want to have a lunch ? I'm planning on doing Sydney for 4/5 days, Brisbane for 3/4 and Cairns for 4/5 days (diving) before I head back home…

CM, good one. Not as good as the 0-200 in 6 seconds one though. That's the best
The session would start around 1am for you and we usually play for 4-5 hours. Peter does it, so you have no excuses.

Sorry. No pearls of wisdom in this oyster.
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May 19th, 2011, 14:44
Exams coming up in a few weeks … Maybe in the summer … lol
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May 19th, 2011, 15:01
Everyone should read the first one on page 21 again…
This thread is great.
Can I kill Myrthos is he loses this thread ? I would him!

Anyway to back this thread up somehow ? On my PC I mean ?
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May 19th, 2011, 16:40
Killing people is so overrated…
The entire database is backed up daily on an other server, so at maximum we will lose one day of posts.

Computer n. A machine which flawlessly performs the instructions it is given, no matter how flawed those instructions may be.
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May 20th, 2011, 00:12
I play DDO at 9am Sat. Brisbane time. If you're in Brisbane at the end of June I'd love to meet up. PM me closer to the time and we'll arrange something.

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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May 20th, 2011, 18:56
My (here and now) all time favourite on-liner (or two-liner), which I rediscovered today:

"Calling J-Man Kink. Calling J-Man Kink. Hash missile sighted, target Los Angeles. Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept."

Says Pibbur who isn't entirely sure what a J-man is, but who still find the joke funny.

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May 22nd, 2011, 12:01
An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he
called his lawyer. "I want to become a lawyer. How much is
it or the express degree you told me about?"

"It's $50,000," the lawyer said. "But why? You'll be dead soon,
why do you want to become a lawyer?"

"That's my business! Get me the course!"

Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer
was at his bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.

Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and
it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the
lawyer leaned over and said, "please, before it's too late,
tell me why you wanted to to get a law degree so badly before
you died?"

In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said,
"One less lawyer . . ."

——————————————————

A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store
laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's
no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.

The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and
once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of
the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?

So he tells his clerk, "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him
to see where he goes."

Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, starts
cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the
guy.

About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.
"Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.
The clerk replies "Your house."

——————————-

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father,
I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know
how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some
fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you
are embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said, "You know,
I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots
whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible.

Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in
the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots
to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying
that…that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the woman
responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's
house. As he ushered her in, she saw this two male parrots were
inside their cage, hold their rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.
After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out
in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some
fun?"

There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked
over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away,
Francis, our prayers have been answered!"

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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May 24th, 2011, 16:13
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his grandmother, asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.

Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and mails it.

The next day he discovers that he had accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo. He's really worried but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.

A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his Grandmother. It says:
"Thank you for the picture. Change your hairstyle… it makes your nose look too short. "

Sorry. No pearls of wisdom in this oyster.
Dallas Cowboys: *sigh* / / Detroit Red Wings: Took injuries to see them, but how about them youngsters!
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