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Default Return of the Daily Smile

December 23rd, 2006, 03:31
Q : What do you call a cow with no legs?
A : Ground beef.

Q : What do you call a Boomerang that doesn't come back?
A : A stick.

I know, my jokes will never be as good as CMgamer's…
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December 23rd, 2006, 05:48


This made me smile too - Tomb Raider Anniversary Edition
Last edited by xSamhainx; December 23rd, 2006 at 05:55.
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December 23rd, 2006, 05:56
OMFG!!!

I couldn't stop laughing Samhain! You're insane for posting this!
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December 25th, 2006, 15:16
To corwin

I'll answer that one CM: Grandpa!


so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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December 26th, 2006, 05:27
Bart get's one checkmark removed for that answer.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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January 1st, 2007, 23:18
A joke for this First day of 2007

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were exploring the jungle and were captured by a fierce tribe. As they sit in a hut, awaiting their fate, the chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison, the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over — the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere.

There's blood gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What are you doing???"

The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, asshole!"

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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January 3rd, 2007, 16:55
One directly translated from Dutch.

Two kids see a newly maried copple comming out of church. Says one to the other

"Hey, you know what. Let's scare them up a bit."

The kid goes to the woman and says:

"Mommy, can I have some icecream?"

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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January 3rd, 2007, 17:09
And to really ring out the old year:

Supposedly these are actual headlines during 2006:

Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
Imagine that!


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
No, really?


Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!


Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Getting a little personal, aren't we?

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
You think?!

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!

Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!


Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Taste like chicken?

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Wouldn't it be easier to get them a GED?

Hospitals are Sued by Seven Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!

And the winner is….

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
; Did I read that sign right?

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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January 3rd, 2007, 18:07
Good ones, folks. Better not tell Mrs dte about eating her young—she might consider it these days.

Sorry. No pearls of wisdom in this oyster.
Dallas Cowboys: Still afraid to hope / / Detroit Red Wings: Another rollercoaster season?
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January 3rd, 2007, 18:42
I know what she may have been going through with Xmass and all the holiday fun.
I just locked three grands in the shed for two days, it took a lot of the noise factor out of the confusion around here.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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January 3rd, 2007, 22:57
Originally Posted by Cmgamer View Post
I know what she may have been going through with Xmass and all the holiday fun.
I just locked three grands in the shed for two days, it took a lot of the noise factor out of the confusion around here.
Now that is why I call you grandma! (fits your title now -> senior member)

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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January 4th, 2007, 06:55
She's a grandma to ALL of us!! Some really good chuckles in that lot!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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January 4th, 2007, 20:05
Three stirkes and your out Corwin. Just wait for the "Revenge of the Grandma!"

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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January 5th, 2007, 00:44
A stirk, is that something like an AD&D stirge*?

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*These birdies were Cursed Children of the Typo, anyway. The originals - Latin 'strix', plural 'striges' - were blood-sucking, owl-like nocturnal birds. But, hey, who cares about typos when a game has a Rust Monster shaped like that odd critter usually contained in a bag of cheap plastic dinosaurs?

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January 5th, 2007, 01:14
"Revenge of the Grandma!" - - sounds good, when is it due for release? will it have character generation? - can't wait to slay those sturkeys…?….oh.. turkeys!..
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January 5th, 2007, 01:29
Will it be G, PG, M, or R rated!! Let me guess!!!!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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January 5th, 2007, 01:59
I'll let you try to guess. You have no idea what THIS grandma is capable of!!

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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January 5th, 2007, 02:32
Oh, I think my Imagination is sufficent to the task!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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January 6th, 2007, 12:33
Originally Posted by Cmgamer View Post
I'll let you try to guess. You have no idea what THIS grandma is capable of!!
Baking Cookies?

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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January 8th, 2007, 19:29
Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?

A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

_________________________________
Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

__________________________________


Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

_________________________________

Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?

A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.

__________________________________

Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

___________________________________

Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

__________________________________

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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