Marriage and sticking through the thick and thin. Good, Bad or Ugly?

Thoth said:

Hey isn't Damian the guy with disorganized schizophrenia?

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I am labelled as schizo-effective, i dont know what "disorganised schizophrenia" is.




SamhainX: As for moving on and doing a job, i can't do that because my cognitive thinking is messed up. I try too hard in rare cases or not try at all. I am working on my cognitive thinking though, it is very hard to change.

EDIT: You did mention my cognitive thinking samhainx, I apologise. What would happen these days is that either i would try too hard and think tooo much abotu what goes on the bottom and what goes top and waste too much time and thus low productivity. Or i would just put them willy nilly and that would bee poor for the customer. I struggled with this my whole life, it is not easy to break out of for me.

Thoth said:

Hey isn't Damian the guy with disorganized schizophrenia?

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You might be thinking of Ammon777. I just checked his profile and it says he hasn't logged on since 2008 so hopefully he's still ok...

I seem to remember Ammon777 popping up a few months ago under a new ID. He mentioned not remembering the old login.

Damian - I'm sorry if you have a genuine mental disorder, I didnt gather that from your posts. I thought more than you were saying you cannot muster the willpower to physically do anything, or even think too hard for that matter. And it's all someone else's fault. Poor me.

Ive known people like that before, and it's infuriating. People with great potential - good looking (when they find the will to clean up), smart, gifted w/ exceptional artistic skills or other talents. Squandered because theyre freakin lazy, and again - it's because my mom didnt tuck me in at night or some bullshit. And crying about it, and want you to take them seriously. Meanwhile, you just want to smack em or shake them for once shock them out of their walking slumber and tell them what they really need to hear..

That strikes a particularly volatile chord in me, as you can see. I actually came back and toned my post down a notch or two after lunch!

Schizoaffective disorder is no picnic.

[ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoaffective_disorder ]

dteowner said:

I seem to remember Ammon777 popping up a few months ago under a new ID. He mentioned not remembering the old login.

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Ok, that's good to know. I figured I hadn't seen him because he was mostly interested in MMOs and we stopped covering them.

xSamhainx said:

Damian - I'm sorry if you have a genuine mental disorder, I didnt gather that from your posts. I thought more than you were saying you cannot muster the willpower to physically do anything, or even think too hard for that matter. And it's all someone else's fault. Poor me.

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No problem, you are fine in my books, you were speaking out of genuine concern for me. This is like the only forum i would talk about it since most forums you would normally get nothing but ridicule.

It's a shame that our friends from the Codex aren't still hanging around. I'm sure they would have some positive comments to add to this discussion.

As to the original question: staying together no matter what? For me that would be a resounding no.

I grew up with my parents fighting every day during most of my pre-teen and teenage years. My mom had no one to talk to so she turned to me, drawing me into their fights. I felt abandoned and like I had to take care of her, being only 12-13 years old. I remember really wishing, and telling them, to get a divorce, but of course it's not that easy. They are still together today, but get along very well now.

For me it did not cause any severe harm (nothing like schizo-affective disorder anyhow), though I tend to be a typical "avoider" today and still can't discuss anything with my parents without becoming extremely upset.

I do not dwell on the past much, but I still think it would've been better for me if they had a divorce. Avoiding home as much as possible for many years and withdrawing into computer games and books when I was home, might be pretty standard teenage behaviour, but I believe it was more than that. Memory is very selective though, so it might be that I simply remember the worst parts more clearly.

Two questions:
Do you go to a professional who helps you do cognitive training? If not that might be a good idea for you.

Are there any kind of jobs in your country offered specifically to people with disabilities, where you might work part-time, or do work training, without having the fear of being fired for being to slow or messing up now and then?

SveNitoR said:

Two questions:
Do you go to a professional who helps you do cognitive training? If not that might be a good idea for you.

Are there any kind of jobs in your country offered specifically to people with disabilities, where you might work part-time, or do work training, without having the fear of being fired for being to slow or messing up now and then?

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First question sort of, there are these psycologist interns that see me once a week. They are doing it with me.

Second question, there used to be one in my area but they closed. So i guess that question is a "no" right now.

I think the mere idea of kids getting harmed by dysfunctional parents damages them more than the parents themselves.

When we promote a functional marriage as important for a childs wellbeing, we ignore the hundreds of possibilities for a child to get a great life, regardless of their parents situation. This viewpoint blocks rather than promote our search of alternate solutions when accidents happen. Even worse, when a child believe that a good-child-needs-parents-in-a-functional-relationship, they will think there's something wrong with themselves if their parents don't work. They might not blame themselves for their parents arguing, but they might give their parents dysfunction as an excuse to not solve their own problems. They see their own failures as predetermined because of their parents failure.

This is a blocking and self destructive perspective, yet it's tremendously difficult to break down once you are taught that's how things are, and that's exactly what many of the "family values" groups teach.

Now, telling someone like that they are "lazy" is a blatant failure of understanding how an individual perceive the world and all the emotions that going on within the mind and heart. This is a perspective just as corrupting as the family perspective above as it trivialize the problem. It's a simple excuse by people who wish to ignore just how much emotions and self-perspective controls our actions, and instead rely on a rationality that only one in a perfect tranquil emotional state can have. This is kinda like the one sitting on the edge of the pool, telling one in it who cannot swim to not make so much noise.

What he said. Mostly.

Some parents do do a tremendous amount of damage, though -- but I agree that blaming them as an excuse not to do something about it isn't likely to help.

I wish my parents had got divorced a long time ago, they absolutely hate each other. My brother & I have come out fine and probably would have done with a divorce too, and my parents might have had a shot at not being completely miserable.

I'll just say that if my parents wouldn't have been divorced when I was an infant, either me or my father would be dead, and leave it at that.

So no, staying together no matter what is not a good value.

Off topic: I read about schizoaffective disorder and finally understand the difference between it and bipolar with psychotic episodes. Yay!