Could it be

MasterLich said:

Dating has been dumbed down!!!

Seriously, doesn't anyone meet new people live anymore nowadays? I'd say the whole method has changed in the last 10 (or less) years. Where's the challenge? Where's the competition spirit? When I was young people went actually out to look for company and the best girls you always found by accident when a relationship was the last thing on your mind.
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As someone who met all my husbands before the advent of the internet, I have to say that there's definitely some truth in what you say, but there are some real limitations, too. Depending on where you live, there are only so many people you are physically going to be exposed to--then how many of them will share even one major interest in common with you? Whereas on the internet you can search a much larger range of humanity for people who share your outlook and interests specifically, plus you can have something to go on besides that initial purely physical reaction--which is often no indicator of any real commonality, however much fun it may be for awhile. I think dating's actually been smartened up since the days when your friends would try to "fix you up" with the most appalling people they thought you would like.

magerette said:

you can have something to go on besides that initial purely physical reaction

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That.

With the internet you get to meet compatible minds, which is what lasts.

Different things favour different people though I think. Loud and extrovert but shallow people are much better off in real life because they're good at getting the attention and the opening to get to know people. More introverted or quieter people with hidden depths are much better off on the internet because they can just be themselves and their personality comes across calmly and gradually rather than having to struggle with louder types for social attention.

Unless he or she sends a more revealing pic right away, Benedict. Then it's again a physical reaction rather then to meet compatible minds. Laetitia is somewhat in the middle for me, not that I mind the pic at all off course.

You might be right. I and my wife had not even exchanged pictures before meeting in RL. We had corresponded by e-mail for over six months by then. Make of it what you will...

I knew what she looked like and had even met her a couple of times before we started going out, but I doubt we'd have exchanged more than a handful of words had it not been for internet forums.

I think forums particularly are a completely new kind of networking, it's not one to one conversations, you don't have to come up to someone and think of something to start talking to them about. There's threads up, you go in and put your opinion, they go in and put their opinion, even without any direct interaction with someone you can get to know a lot about them and about their views on things. In many ways more than one would get to know about real life friends views on some things simply because they wouldn't tend to come up in a real life conversation.

Well, I like to talk to new people, so I played around on skype and ICQ to find some people. What surprised me the most and disgusted me is how many people there was there who was very shallow and just looking for some webcam fun. But I also met some people who were fun to talk to and became friends. Just remmember never take anyone you met online too serious. Until you know them really well IRL. I know a bunch of people who think they found the love of their life, but this girl is acctually someone who played around with 100dreds of guys on skype, or the guy is a guy who played around with 100dreds of girls. I even talked to some people who was disgusted by these people but found they become like them themselves, so do be careful! Sometimes things are too easy on the internet.

Ok, now this totally finished -> She doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I thought I loved her, but it seems to be that she just doesn't like me as a person and perhaps even my face. She just doesn't give a shit about me and she made that very clear to me in her last phone call. She tried it to say with some tears, but I don't buy that anymore. She broke my heart and now tries to accuse me of doing that to her.

I hope she gets a guy that fully comprehends her, but I don't want her ever to contact me again.

Bugger. Sounds pretty childish.

Oh well, there's more than one cuttlefish in the sea, as the old saying goes. Might be a good idea to dial down the expectations a bit the next time around, though.

I certainly will PJ. I know now that I will not reveal so much of myself when someone says the sweet stuff to me. A bit more carefull the next time is what I learned here.

Bartacus said:

I certainly will PJ. I know now that I will not reveal so much of myself when someone says the sweet stuff to me. A bit more carefull the next time is what I learned here.

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Why close down? Know who you are, accept and embrace it and have no qualms about revealing it. Knowing yourself is a lot more realistic than being sure you know someone else, particularly on fairly limited contact (particularly face to face contact).

Anyway, in the "plenty more fish in the sea" kind of vein, another wonderful rant from emeraldbile about the ridiculousness of the idea of "the one" that might resonate with your mood at present here

Not really something that appeals me, Benedict. The woman who wrote this is a little bit to full of herself for my taste. I've felt that spark two times now of 'she might be the one' and I think it's a big assumption of someone to say that this doesn't mean a thing.

Bartacus said:

Not really something that appeals me, Benedict. The woman who wrote this is a little bit to full of herself for my taste. I've felt that spark two times now of 'she might be the one' and I think it's a big assumption of someone to say that this doesn't mean a thing.

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Each to their own

Judging by your recent experience though you'd probably be happier in love were you to tame your impulse to psych yourself up with thoughts that the next person you meet is the one. Puts a lot of pressure onto you and onto any fledgling relationship, and makes any failure far more traumatic.

The initial presence of a spark makes it a lot more appealing to go for a relationship with someone and the long term presence of a spark is needed to struggle through all the tougher times that will happen, but for my money I'd always be very sceptical of the initial spark as it's a notoriously fickle and misguided sensation, almost invariably driven by the projection of your hopes and dreams onto someone in the absence of better data about them, which as you get to know them better can lead to bitter disappointment. Now the long term spark is fantastic, if you can keep that going you're on to something.

Overall, and these are just casual observations based on this thread from a total stranger and as such of little value, but overall it seems that you felt a spark for this person early on and without really having the chance to know them that well, making it a spark based more on a concept of them that you'd projected to fill the blanks than on the actual person. Then when you saw other aspects that contradicted things you'd made up about her you felt like you'd had your heart broken, and from what you say of how she says she's feeling (although you're sceptical of it), it sounds to me like she's been through a similar process.

So in this case a spark did mean something. It meant that you (and her) got really hurt, hopefully not enough to leave either permanently bitter, but clearly very hurt and quite unecessarily so. Some sparks may stand the test of time and mean something more, and to that degree I also disagree with that blog entry, but for your own sake keep something of yourself back that remembers that the initial spark might be misleading, you'll be hurt less for it.

And one thing that blog entry did say well -

But above all, do not go prodding around trying to revive tattered, old feelings, or obsessing about whether or not you actually have "love", it is really unimportant.

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Absolutely true. Don't try to maintain feelings based on an initial sense of someone that was wrong, and don't spend so much time worrying about whether this counts as love and she counts as the one, especially not early on. Early on it always feels really exciting.

Another update that I held off for 2 weeks: I still don't have a girlfriend, but this one came really close. At least I can now finally say I know what it means to be a man. When I look back to it, I think I can safely assume I got my first one-night-stand. It's not something that I want to have again -> I really want someone that just wants to be with me.

She will come along don't worry. Just hope that she comes at the right time. You're good looking, women out there would sure find themselves admiring you.

Unfortunately it turned out to be a one-night-stand, but then again one with a friendship afterwards. I don't know if she would make another turn in the future, but in the meantime I got out (One week I dated number one on Thursday, two on Friday and three on Saturday. That first one I had an 'accidental meeting' with at a second date, but it's that third one that really interests me. Third date this Sunday