Rome Total War has to be one of the worst games I've ever played. I'm sitting here looking at a Metacritic score that has both user and critic rating it over 9.0, but the vanilla game I'm playing... it's not even 5.0. Really dumbfounded. Apparently "mods save it", but really, no really, this game is such utter rubbish, absolute bilge of the worst order.
Firstly, its economics are impossible to manage. Quite literally impossible. There is zero human input in the outcome of a turn-end profit-line. The amount of money a town can make per turn is calculated by 'magic'. One turn your city can produce 3500, the next turn its down to 2800. But nothing the player has done has changed. Apparently a port got blocked by rebels on the other side of the map you don't even know exists and now your trade is halved, or whatever. A hostile unit stood on a road 1,000 miles away, you lose 200 per turn!
On top of this, city happiness is equally random. One turn your city is 145% happy (LOL, they don't even know the laws of percentages) and providing Very High Taxation, the next turn, for no apparent reason known to man, not even a hint at what the problem was, they are 85% happy on Very Low Taxation. The manual says producing a new unit in a town can make people happier (heaven knows, I've built every single community and happy building), but, no, no effect whatsoever, and sometimes even makes people even more unhappy.
On top of this, cities refuse to stop growing in size. The player has absolutely no input whatsoever into how quickly city grows. The only way to reduce population is to let riot, allowing you to reconquer the city and press the "exterminate" button (which will buy you about 20 turns before the city is full to bursting again). Why would one even want to reduce population? Because once a city gets so big it is literally impossible to keep happy bar being governed by your best General and 200 soldiers. You know, those guy you kind-of want out in the field stopping the enemies from stepping on roads 1,000 miles away.
On top of this, should you let your city go to riot so you can kill everyone and reset the happiness algorithm, the resulting rebels that appear bare no relation whatsoever to the city that has been rioting. Somehow or other these rioter have amassed fully armoured and blacksmithed clothes and weaponry, all got themselves promotions in the field, and achieved this for all of their 200 soldiers, peasants included. It would be the metaphorical equivalent of all members of ISIS suddenly wearing full kevlar, driving tanks and flying Stealth bombers.
On top of this, Rebel armies spawn on the map for absolutely no apparent reason, like weeds in the garden. You'd just love to go out and do away with those 3 random units from nowhere, but the second you move a unit out of your city, oh dear, mass unhappiness. I guess you could always recall that one army you actually managed to send towards an enemy city... no, you can't, because that magical AI empire has just sent its umpteenth stack of 200 soldiers towards one of your cities. Because that's all the AI is, just a big unit production system, that most likely (conjecture) doesn't have to put up with the same kind of crap you do.
Oh, and did you forget? You're supposed to be claiming provinces for the Roman Republic, that was, I believe the general point of the game, no? Well, good luck moving an inch without losing half your troops as your stack slugs, really slugs, it's way through endless reams of trash units, each of which takes 5 soldiers away from each unit, no matter how carefully you annihilate them. Oh, and, of course, the AI knows exactly how many troops your sending to point X, because, for that big battle, it'll have that tiny advantage that leaves you, oh so ever-so-slightly short of units required to do the job.
On top of this, you're supposed to find some money to build some buildings, in order that you can earn more money, to buy better money making buildings and better happiness buildings and... oh yeah, forgot about that, those buildings that allow me to have as good weapons as those street rioters. Oh, and don't build any city walls, it'll just be you who has to march through them as soon as your city revolts or that enemy stack arrives while your busy with rioters and rebels a few provinces away.
I can imagine a sucker for this game reading this and coming up with a 1000 micro-power-gaming ruses to "get around" all these problems, I can imagine a sucker for this game preparing a list of 1,000 mod-this-out-the-game replies to all the issues, but I'm sitting here looking at a 9+ Metacritic from both user and critic, and what 9+ game "requires" extreme power-gaming or extreme modding, just to be enjoyably playable on even the most basic level? What planet are these players from?
At least in Civilisation the Barbarians stop appearing in zones you control. At least in Medieval Total War your cities can attain stable happiness and allow your units to traverse the lands. At least in practically every other game ever invented you can actually understand how and why the economy works to the point where you can predict what your end-of-turn profit is going to be.
Oh, and on top of all that, the Roman Senate sends you "missions" every 5 turns , trying to dictate exactly how you play and who you should be at war with.
So what's the title again? Total War? The game, as far as I can see, wanted to you to do absolutely everything except actually move a unit next to an enemy town. My God! the AI shrieks as you venture a stack out of your border, "what is he thinking!" *generate 3 new Rebel stacks, plunge 3 cities into anarchy, knacker the trade routes, send him a mission to attack his ally at penalty of 4 turns of extreme disfavour*
Oh, and before someone says "get gud", I was actually only about 10 provinces off victory in one game, but it was too boring and tedious and frustrating to bother finishing.
This was the second time I've tried the game, and the second time I've uninstalled it. This time it's going in the rubbish bin of real life, maybe someone at the recycling plant can put it to better use, like a toilet's flushing handle or something.
A rare 3/10 from me. Why give it 3 and not zero? I could imagine poeople who like to constantly restart games anyway would probably like the game, it's 'restart and attack a different faction this time' potential is quite varied and interesting...
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