A little translation table for everyone that does a decent job of skewering both sides: (would work better with table format, but I think y'all can follow it)
Democrat / Republican
Arsenal of weapons / gun collection
Delicate wetlands / swamp
undocumented worker / illegal alien
cruelty-free materials / synthetic fiber
assault and battery / attitude adjustment (I particularly like that one)
heavily armed / well protected
narrow-minded / righteous
"your fair share" (taxes) / coerced theft
commonsense gun control / gun confiscation plot
illegal hazardous explosive / stump removal fireworks
non-viable tissue mass / unborn baby
equal access to opportunity / socialism
multicultural community / high crime area
fairness, social progress / marxism
"the rich" (upper class) / self-employed
"change" (progressive) / big government scheme
homeless or disadvantaged / bums or welfare leeches
sniper rifle / scoped deer rifle
investment for the future / higher taxes
healthcare reform / socialized medicine
extremist / conservative
truants / homeschoolers
victim or oppressed / criminal or lazy
high capacity magazine / standard capacity magazine
religious zealot / church-going
reintroduced wolves / sheep and elk killers
fair trade coffee / overprices yuppie coffee
"the rich" (exploiters) / employed or land owners
The Gun Lobby / NRA members
assault weapon / semi-auto (Grandpa's M1 carbine)
fiscal stimulus / new and higher taxes
same sex marriage / legalized perversion
mandated eco-friendly lighting / Chinese mercury-laden light bulbs
accepted facts / horse shit