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Default An honest conversation with BioWare

April 11th, 2011, 00:16
Thought I would share some humor since most of the time we argue about bioware in so many threads. Enjoy and laugh a little.

An honest conversation with BioWare
by Rick Knight , COMMUNITY WRITER
Thursday, April 07, 2011
EDITOR'S NOTEfrom Jay Henningsen

What would you say to a developer if you met with them face-to-face? Rick explores this scenario with brutally honest and sometimes humorous results.

The Dragon Effect

I kicked in the door to BioWare's office like a boss. It swung wide, nearly crumpling from the force of my Adidas shoe. I strode in and took stock of the situation. BioWare was sitting at his desk, flabbergasted; his gold-wire spectacles were locked on me. He had changed since the last time we spoke.

Gone was his once well-kept Merlin beard. In its place was now a scraggily mess of facial hair. His glasses were taped in the middle and his skin tone implied he hadn't seen sunlight in months. Above his computer station on the far wall was a black surveillance camera, which I could only imagine was EA keeping an eye on their most prized possession.

"Rick, what are you doing here?" BioWare asked, startled.

I shoved BioWare's guest chair aside so I could stare down at him.

"I'm taking a break from my beef with Hollywood to figure out what the hell is going on with my favorite developer. Believe me, I'd rather be out there now fighting the good fight instead of being here in Edmonton. I hate Edmonton." My tone was harsh. The only Canadian city less interesting than Edmonton was Calgary, and I had just driven through Calgary.

"W-what do you mean? Everything is going well. Dragon Age 2 sold a lot of-"

"Dragon Age 2 sucks," I cut him off curtly.


"How can you say that? Well, what about The Arrival DLC? You're big on Mass Effect … did you play it?" he asked curiously.

The Arrival

"The Arrival is why I'm here. It was the tipping point. You got a 5.0 on Gamespot. The last time Mass Effect DLC did this poorly was Pinnacle Station." I stepped back and started pacing the room. BioWare sat silently. I had his full attention now.

"You guys never put out crap, but lately that's slipped. All it takes are a few more screw-ups before the forums transform into a dangerous lynch mob. Witch Hunt was somewhat forgivable seeing how new Dragon Age was at the time. Then Dragon Age 2 came out and it hurt all of us … like a piece of chicken not fully cooked. You know it's not a sequel. It's a damn side story."

BioWare stood up, having had enough of my remarks. "It is a direct sequel! Dragon Age has never been about just one character. It's about the world and the conflicts within it. Mike Laidlaw has been telling people as such. Did you somehow miss the interview at 1UP?"

I waited until he was finished before I roared in reply, "You recycled a bunch of environments! That is never ever okay! It's not an open world game like Assassin's Creed where the setting is an evolving playground. It's Dragon Age, a game about epic quests, dragon slaying, and deep stories people can get lost in. If you had planned to release it like this, why didn't you call it Dragon Age: Hawke Does Stuff. At least then I could've stomached it. "

Kirkwall

I regained some of my composure. "Anyway, Dragon Age: The Kirkwall Marathon isn't why I'm here. I'm here because you committed the cardinal sin against me. You hurt me bad, man." I resumed pacing, trying to refocus my rage.

"What did I do?" BioWare asked, clearly exasperated by my presence.

I stopped and considered my words. Then I had it. "For the first time ever you completely separated me from my Commander Shepard. I wish I hadn't played The Arrival. I wish I could undo my memory of it. I was with Shepard for most of it, but then you offered her what seemed like a gigantic moral decision. Then, before I could blink, you forced her into it without my consent. The connection I had built up over the years was gone in an instant, severed by your heavy hand."

BioWare sighed. "We had to do something. We couldn't just let the player walk into Mass Effect 3 without any context. That's what The Arrival does … that's what that decision does. It sets up the final installment."

"At what cost?" I snapped, "I felt like Shepard and I had an accord. I trusted your narrative strings. You had me, and then you kicked me in the balls like I had stolen your bike because you couldn't think of a better way to write your way out of a corner. Where's the justice? Where's the simple decency?"

BioWare sighed. His head turned to glance at the camera behind him.

"It's them, isn't it?" I asked brazenly, "They have you by your pointy beard, demanding profits. Look, every decent gamer worth his salt understands you got to make a buck to feed your families. We will gladly open our wallets to partake in the wonderful experiences this industry is known for. Just, please, don't make us regret it by changing your ways now."

I stared into BioWare’s worldly eyes, seeing the wisdom swirling underneath.

“Establish boundaries. Stand by your product. But most of all stand by your narrative, man. That’s what you do. That’s what you’re known for. You take story seriously. You don’t needlessly tack it onto gameplay.”

My phone beeped. I glanced down. It was a text from the front lines. My eyes widened in horror.

“I gotta run, man. Hollywood has signed Mark Wahlberg and Uwe Boll to co-write the next two Uncharted movies.” I placed my hand gently on BioWare’s shoulder, glancing one last time at the camera.

“I know you won’t let us down again. I believe in you. The next game you release will be epic, and when they try to take credit, we’ll know it was you all along.”

With that I backed out of his office and closed the door quietly behind me. Deep down, I knew BioWare had heard me. I knew he wouldn’t hurt us again.

Sometime later I heard whispers that BioWare had cleaned up his beard. Apparently, the morning after I left, he broke the camera and declared, "Dragon Age 3 will take as long as it takes!"

I couldn’t help but smile.

"It's quite simple my word is the law around here, and failure to comply means termination."

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April 11th, 2011, 00:38
Let me start off with humor or not there is alot of truth in that…Well writen…and if only it was true..
It was like a badly produced add on set to the frist game which was a great game…
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April 11th, 2011, 01:49
The title of this thread is an oxymoron.
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April 11th, 2011, 02:29
A happy ending? i don't think there will be one for Bioware
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April 11th, 2011, 03:06
Originally Posted by CelticFrost View Post
Let me start off with humor or not there is alot of truth in that…Well writen…and if only it was true..
It was like a badly produced add on set to the frist game which was a great game…
This. I got a chuckle out of the thing too. XD
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April 11th, 2011, 06:01
I kicked in the door to BioWare's office like a boss. It swung wide…
…hit the door stops, bounced back, and slammed in my face.

Ah, "The Gods Must Be Crazy" was a classic.
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April 11th, 2011, 09:31
Originally Posted by JDR13 View Post
The title of this thread is an oxymoron.
Come on you know there honest…..right.

"It's quite simple my word is the law around here, and failure to comply means termination."

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April 11th, 2011, 10:24
Rick and Bio must have just met. He should have met him before he started reading filthy magazines.

And Rick wouldn't have been so surprised had he played MDK2 or the original NWN OC.

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