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May 24th, 2016, 15:00
Hey lovelies. It's me, your friendly news poster, article scribbler and occasional barricade stormer. It's early in the morning, I slept like crap, and I'm right out of bed. In other words, the very, very best time to write. Let's do this, before I lose my nerve.

Imma lay it all down for you, if you're interested in hearing. I'm not normally this vocal with how I'm really feeling, because that makes you vulnerable, and being vulnerable in a public space is rarely a good idea. But with you, right now? I'm alright with it.

So many of you sent me the most amazing messages when I left. I still have to respond to them. The fact is, most of you are incredible people. I adore you. I really do.

"Friend" is such a loaded term with me. It implies a level of emotional commitment, trust, and vulnerability…a sort of step in a relationship out of someone's outermost layers of trust and into a closer orbit. I rarely use that term with people. But I'll use it here, now, since RPGWatch - collectively - has very much become my friend. A good friend, a close one. No matter what's going on, a friend is there if you need them, and whatever you feel about me right now on an individual level, if someone messages me and tells me the site needs me, I want to be there. That's what friends do. If any of you individually messaged me and said you needed someone, I'd be there too. It's likely that anyone doing that is someone I'd drop everything for. That's really how I feel. I know you'd do the same for me, most of you.

The truth is, I'm actually a really sensitive person. Like I told Elel the other day, I'm an INFP (introverted/feeling/perceiving)…the ultimate idealist. On top of that, I'm an empath. So it's hard for me to go through life and just not pay attention to the things people say or what they believe. And I don't think I should be asked to.

Last year was pretty horrible for me personally, to be honest. I don't like to gripe publicly so I haven't said much to a lot of you, but I've shared some things with Fluent and Myrthos and Couch…bits and pieces, here and there. In no particular order, it involved countless battles with SO many people (professionally and personally), treatment for depression, a major surgery, a hospital stay, my partner getting injured, and the deaths of four pets. It was an absolute bitch of a year and I'm so glad it's over. And of course, on top of all that (none of which I'd really like to go into…it was shitty and it's over now and you don't want all the grisly details and I don't really want to relive any of it), I was dedicating myself to the Watch pretty heavily in parts of it. Though not all of it, because I was off dealing with…whatever.

Sooo, no. I'm not a fickle person by nature, even if I was to you last year. I just needed to deal with stuff. And to be brutally honest, it was hard coming on here with the climate that existed at the time and…who wants to devote x number of hours a week to people that vocally express that they think you're less than them cognitively, genetically, whatever? Who likes being told that they don't deserve to be happy? Who likes being told they aren't allowed to have the basic things in life we all want? Security, safety, love? And who likes being publicly dragged through the mud by bullies? Definitely not me. I feel like I've fought hard and risked my life to have those things and if some douchenozzle wants to tell me I don't deserve it, I will happily kick him into his own grave, figuratively. And I will certainly not make sacrifices in my own life to make him (or her) happier in any way. Those people aren't worthy of my labors and endeavors - it was my partner that told me that last year, more than once.

But here I am. And I'm here now because - at the moment, knock on wood, a lot of the more toxic people have gone or remain lurking in the lower levels of the site's flooded, reeking depths. And yeah, I'm sorry…I can't sugarcoat that. Last year, the site had some truly evil people. I'm not the kind of person that can stay in the same room with evil people, especially not with all I had going on. So I was in and out.

Whew. That's a lot of text. I apologize.

Summary time! RPGWatch is cozier now, less toxic, cleaner, fresher. I can handle this. In my personal life, I'm still a little wobbly, but I'm working on a couple things to help out here and I hope you'll enjoy them.

Soo…yeah. I'm very much a real person. I'm actually that uncomfortable, touchy-feely person that likes to hang out IRL over coffee or lunch and talk about stuff…your terrifying paranormal experiences, your own life, whatever. And that's probably why I'm able to be real with you when I need to. So yeah. Sorry about the novel…I can't really think all that well right now.

But I keep coming back. And a lot of that is because most of you are the bee's knees, and I you.

Onward! I have articles to write.
--
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Last edited by Aubrielle; May 24th, 2016 at 15:21.
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May 24th, 2016, 15:37
A good community can become like a second home… heck, I guess even bad communities can. My gf wants to move to the Netherlands and with my illness… well, our illness, it seems a bit daunting to live abroad. But then I thought about my favorite pastimes, and how I can take them with me when I move. That includes the Watch. I'm getting all piss-eyed right now.

I'm INTP btw. Recommended career choices include assassin, philosophy professor and slacker. It's so hard to choose just one
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Originally Posted by sakichop
So basically what people want is a game where you can play many different races having violent sex with up to 3 friends while yelling obscenities.
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May 24th, 2016, 15:44
Wow. You must really have a strong spirit to go through all of those experiences and still hit the ground running with a smile on your face. Quite inspirational.

I enjoy your thoughtful posts and am happy that you're still posting here.

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May 24th, 2016, 15:49
I guess I was lucky to never encounter those evil people, the Watch have had by far the friendliest people of any forum I know, there are a lot of grumpy old wo/men though! Anyhow nice to have you around, your articles are almost always of high quality too.
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May 24th, 2016, 15:58
Hi Aubrielle!

Glad to know you're not leaving us

Originally Posted by Aubrielle View Post
Onward! I have articles to write.
Please do!
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May 24th, 2016, 16:05
Sacred_Path: Omg, I feel you. I totally do. I feel like I could easily choose one of those careers and be completely fulfilled. If you do move to the Netherlands, I hope it treats you well.

RPGFool: Thank you so much. I try. Sometimes it's a fake smile, but that's life, right?

Gothic: Thank you, I think? xD I do think you're better at keeping a cool head than me at times. And thank you…I'll continue to try to…not suck?

Henrique: Thank you, and thanks for keeping me company on Steam!
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May 24th, 2016, 16:11
I think I managed to piss off a number of the douchenozzles. You can't take any guff from these swine!
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May 24th, 2016, 16:11
Hi, lurker reporting, and yes I am lurking (partially) because I don't like to argue over the internet or otherwise… but I love this site, this community is like the person that is always in the same bus with u every morning, (that sounded more creepy then it is ) )

I'm glad that you are writing another article!

I wish you good luck and will power to overcome everything life throws at you.
Last edited by Strafe; May 24th, 2016 at 16:37. Reason: bad english sorry :)
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May 24th, 2016, 16:24
Aubrielle, I'm really glad you're back and sorry you had such a shitty year. I had one of those about 10 years ago, and it was really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel or even recognize the good things in my life. I hope things turn around and start looking up for you. When everything's going wrong its sometimes hard to remember that for every idiot, there is a nice, helpful, or caring person who is on your side.
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May 24th, 2016, 16:26
Originally Posted by GothicGothicness View Post
I guess I was lucky to never encounter those evil people, the Watch have had by far the friendliest people of any forum I know, there are a lot of grumpy old wo/men though!
As far as poison goes, I'd say the Watch had nothing on… say… the Codex. But then, I don't post very much on the Codex. The atmosphere seems detrimental to constructive discussion.

I feel a bit of grump is needed to fill the void left by D'Artagnan's bickering.
--
Originally Posted by sakichop
So basically what people want is a game where you can play many different races having violent sex with up to 3 friends while yelling obscenities.
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May 24th, 2016, 16:33
Originally Posted by forgottenlor View Post
Aubrielle, I'm really glad you're back and sorry you had such a shitty year.
+1
These things happen. Something along the line misery loves company.

About evil persons around here, sorry, didn't notice anyone except me.
But for all I know, RPGwatch was always about diversity, we'll fight but will also discuss, we'll share thoughts without being scared of judging. What we won't do is being emotionless robots who number just facts.
Sounds like one big family, right?

Aubrielle, it's good to have you here.
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May 24th, 2016, 17:02
I always liked your articles so I am glad you are back.I had one hard and very strange year so I can relate. I been mostly lurking past months because I don't have as much time and will for gaming anymore.

AS for RPGWatch, I think that even in worst moments Watch is more civil than most forums.
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May 24th, 2016, 17:34
Thank you all so much. All the love in the world for each of you. <3

And you're right. There's a reason I never made a Codex account. I can't even stand looking at it.
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May 24th, 2016, 17:37
Ah shitty years, I know those. It can be quite depressive. I'm glad things are better. I like reading your news, articles and posts.
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May 24th, 2016, 17:39
Aubrielle, we don't speak much, but I appreciate (almost) everyone's input on the forum. I understand having a difficult time in real life can impact your mood a lot.

I guess, like others have said, there usually is light at the end of the tunnel, so hopefully you get there soon.

All the best.
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May 24th, 2016, 17:41
Glad to hear you are on the rebound. I'm pretty oblivious, so I don't always notice when people come and go, but I had noticed your absence. I like all the red-headed avatars, so welcome back and bring them on
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May 24th, 2016, 18:03
So good to see you pulled through 2015 and came out healthier .
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May 24th, 2016, 19:08
I have spent a lot of time here on the Watch and earlier on RPGDot.
It's still fun after all these years and I appreciate the help and input of the Watchers to keep this site alive - that includes you Aubrielle.

I wish you all the best in your private life.
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May 24th, 2016, 21:04
Originally Posted by Aubrielle View Post
The truth is, I'm actually a really sensitive person. Like I told Elel the other day, I'm an INFP (introverted/feeling/perceiving)…the ultimate idealist. On top of that, I'm an empath. So it's hard for me to go through life and just not pay attention to the things people say or what they believe. And I don't think I should be asked to.
Check out if you're an HSP as well. Sounds to me like that.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Highly_sensitive_person
I know what it is from own experience, so to say.

Well, I must admit that I didn't read through everything you write, but that's due to my RL work being quite exhausting. My evenings have become somewhat shorter …

Anyway, I wish you good luck all of the time. It's good to have more sensitive people like you, imho.

And one advice : Cut yourself from those things that make you constantly feel bad.
And … if you can, then please "photograph" all those good moments in your life , so that you'll have a nice photo book later, when times are bad !
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May 24th, 2016, 22:03
It sounds like you had a pretty tough stretch, but I'm glad things have improved for you, and I hope they stay good.

You've always been a great poster here.
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