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Default Return of the Daily Smile

March 19th, 2007, 06:42
Take a look at this, you might enjoy it!! http://video.google.com/videoplay?do…67147021677751

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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March 19th, 2007, 13:25
Can anyone say that the list isn't right?
let send it all around the world so that all women know this

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March 19th, 2007, 16:16
Originally Posted by Corwin View Post
I've never been off the list!!
Probably not, I bet you just get extra entries. Or maybe, maybe the list has always been a pure Corwin list.

Originally Posted by Corwin View Post
Take a look at this, you might enjoy it!! http://video.google.com/videoplay?do…67147021677751
Or this!
http://video.google.com/videoplay?do…39723431626893

"Mystery is important. To know everything, to know the whole truth, is dull. There is no magic in that. Magic is not knowing, magic is wondering about what and how and where." ~ Cortez, from The Longest Journey
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March 19th, 2007, 17:27
I have a counter list to post up titus so beware of what you wish for.

Actually I have a pure Corwin list as well as a general punishment list. Depending on the infraction and my mood he can get added to either.

It is when I decide to clean out my lists by exacting the punishment that things get interestin. MUHAHAHAHA

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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March 19th, 2007, 20:24
I thought there was a pure Bartacus list too??

Anyway, two great vids Corwin and Arhu!

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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March 19th, 2007, 22:12
Originally Posted by Cm View Post
Not sure by who but feel free to claim it.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We have no idea what mauve is.
My money is definately on Roqua. 50 WoW gold, in fact.

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March 20th, 2007, 01:59
Originally Posted by Cm View Post
Bart, I think magerette has all the skills to help me keep the boys in their place here. Jaz has been busy but she will come to our aid should we need it.

.
Thanks for the vote of confidence, CM but I have a feeling it takes years of list-making and -enforcing skills to be truly adept with the Pitchfork of Doom.. or it that Flame?

I might be able to weild a small, bristly Hairbrush of Mild Irritation, tho.

Hopefully Jaz has got our backs.

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
Last edited by magerette; March 20th, 2007 at 02:14.
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March 20th, 2007, 03:04
Do you remember the days when text used to be written on scrolls? Eventually, some time in the Middle Ages, they were upgraded to books. But woe to the common folk who had to learn that new technology! Since not everyone was immediately adept at using books correctly, courses were offered to those in need.

Introducing the Book.

"Mystery is important. To know everything, to know the whole truth, is dull. There is no magic in that. Magic is not knowing, magic is wondering about what and how and where." ~ Cortez, from The Longest Journey
Last edited by Arhu; March 20th, 2007 at 03:35.
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March 20th, 2007, 03:17
Hilarious Arhu! I guess end users are the same thruout the millenia…

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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March 20th, 2007, 04:15
Very clever!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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March 20th, 2007, 20:04
@Bart, of course you have your own list as well. So far you and Corwin are the only ones. I started fresh when we moved to the Watch.
@magerette, you are free to use whatever equipment you like. We can always upgrade the Hairbrush of Mild Irritation later on.

In the flavor of Arhu's post:


Why Computers Sometimes Crash! by Dr. Seuss.

(Read this to yourself aloud - it's great!)

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort,
and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.

And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse;
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.

When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk,
and the macro code instructions is causing unnecessary risk,
then you'll have to flash the memory
and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
and then quickly turn off the computer,
and be sure to tell your Mom!

Well, that certainly clears things up for me. How about you?
Thank you, Bill Gates, for bringing all this into our lives!

(Another NFG copied and I think Sammy may be the one for this one.)

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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March 20th, 2007, 20:41
That makes it all so simple.

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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March 20th, 2007, 22:07
Arhu, that last video was the best I've ever seen. I just instantly mailed to all the people I know (and that's not 'all two of them')

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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March 22nd, 2007, 15:28
A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."

"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"

His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to
stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a
headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked!
The headaches are all gone."

The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful."

His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in
the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and
see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it.

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes,
picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed
and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

He goes into the bathroom and comes back A few minutes later and jumps
into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!"

The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back."

He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better
than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly
follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror
and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!"

His funeral services will be held on Monday.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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March 22nd, 2007, 21:23
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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Default How To Tick People Off

March 22nd, 2007, 22:20
1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

"Mystery is important. To know everything, to know the whole truth, is dull. There is no magic in that. Magic is not knowing, magic is wondering about what and how and where." ~ Cortez, from The Longest Journey
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March 22nd, 2007, 23:09
Lead me not into Temptation!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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Default Take five minutes and chuckle

March 23rd, 2007, 22:26
Every year, English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are known to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

"Mystery is important. To know everything, to know the whole truth, is dull. There is no magic in that. Magic is not knowing, magic is wondering about what and how and where." ~ Cortez, from The Longest Journey
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March 23rd, 2007, 22:50
Many good ones, but #16 was just so dry that it was perfect.

Sorry. No pearls of wisdom in this oyster.
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March 24th, 2007, 00:18
An excellent collection; I really liked 14- it brought back so many memories of Maths problems!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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