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June 18th, 2007, 04:47
TICK WARNING!

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I have even done it
myself a couple times unintentionally. .. but this one is real, and
it's important.

So please send this warning to everyone on your e- mail list.

If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for
ticks due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off
and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! THIS IS A SCAM!!
They only want to see you naked.

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid. Thank goodness I only let six groups check me out.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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June 18th, 2007, 05:38
Is tickling derive from "tick"

"A strong president, means having the strength to resist the temptation of taking all that power isn't yours" - Ron Paul

"If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until you see our solutions",- Government
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June 18th, 2007, 05:57
CM, why am I NOT surprised in the slightest!! How many went blind!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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June 18th, 2007, 16:04
and the intelligence of the female kind shows again

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June 18th, 2007, 16:06
*The Wedding Test *

My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me.

It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. One day "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.

When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lord and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, "we are very happy that you have passed our little test…..we couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

Sorry. No pearls of wisdom in this oyster.
Dallas Cowboys: *sigh* / / Detroit Red Wings: Took injuries to see them, but how about them youngsters!
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June 18th, 2007, 18:01

Like they say dte,sometimes it's better to be lucky than good.

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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June 18th, 2007, 20:47
I dare say titus is moving up on my list quite fast……….I guess he and Corwin need some personal attention.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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June 18th, 2007, 20:59
oops I thought I was getting close to getting on it, not on being the top, i'll better watch out or i'll really end up at corwins place

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June 18th, 2007, 21:50
Yeah, Titus, sometimes the elderly people make up things and think they happened for real. I guess that imaginary Titus CM saw posting, did sth really bad. Don't blame her, the mind is the first thing that goes.

A pirate joke for us, men:

There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant.

"It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out."

"That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned.

"Get my brown pants."

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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June 19th, 2007, 01:23
Bart is living VERY dangerously mocking CM's Sig!! No comment from me on CM losing her mind; that would imply she actually had one to lose!!!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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June 19th, 2007, 17:29
*Cm will be dragging Corwin and Bart down to The Barn as soon as the new pitchforks and duct tape arrive.*

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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June 19th, 2007, 22:03
I know there are those present—-naming no names, of course,—- who will be able to relate to this one:

Toward the end of church service, the Minister asked the congregation,
"How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
All held up their hands,except for one small elderly lady.
"Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" asked the minister sternly.
"I don't have any," she replied, smiling sweetly.
"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," she replied.
"Very well, Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a
person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the
congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches."

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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June 20th, 2007, 02:42
That's a nice one
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June 20th, 2007, 03:43
Hahahaha, loved it!! So true, so true!! I'm working on that too!!!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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June 20th, 2007, 09:55
Hope the same will happen too me

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June 20th, 2007, 16:53

Here's another one for the old folks:

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make

their days interesting .

Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and went into a

shop. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out there

was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said,

"Come on, man, how about giving a retired person a break"? He ignored me and

continued writing the ticket. I called him a "NAZI'. He glared at me,

and starting writing another ticket for having worn tires. So I called him

a "doughnut-eating Gestapo." He finished the second ticket and put it on

the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about twenty minutes. The more I abused him, the more

tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus

and the car that he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that

said "Hilary in 08."


(You can substitute your own candidate of course—but that would be my choice..)

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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June 20th, 2007, 20:14
Mailed that one directly to my retired dad. I wonder weather he will pull that one too.

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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June 20th, 2007, 20:53
I've always wanted to try that one. Too bad I'm not of legal age to drive yet, but ah well. Oh, and I lol'd at the previous joke. Jeenius

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June 20th, 2007, 23:55
This is only one I have gotten lately clean enough to post.

The Butt Measurement

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the Man
looks over at his wife and says, "Your butt is getting really big, I
mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue grill."

With that, he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the Grill
and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his
wife's' bottom.
"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the
barbecue grill!!!"

The woman chose to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky.
He makes some advances towards his wife who completely
brushes him off.

"What's wrong?" he asks.

She answers, "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this Big-ass
grill for one little weiner?"

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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June 21st, 2007, 19:15
Didn't know that, CM, that your husband isn't shapen so big.

As a joke I have sth that might have happened to you.

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and it immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse''s mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip.

She tries to throw her arms around the horse''s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse''s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

She starts to lose consciousness, but to her great fortune, Bobby, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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