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June 4th, 2008, 12:27
ow I would laugh so hard hearing her say: Help I can't get up
But a honest guest whould be a B,C like most women, although I don't know how she looks

This is my way of the Ninja: I never take back my word
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June 4th, 2008, 12:36
An honest guess -> cup AA

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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June 5th, 2008, 18:36
I have no comment on this one, I merely want to help educate the boys as to what these abbreviations mean.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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June 6th, 2008, 13:11
Originally Posted by Cm View Post
I have no comment on this one, I merely want to help educate the boys as to what these abbreviations mean.
AA stands for anonymous alcoholists

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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June 7th, 2008, 03:59
Kids Are Quick
____________________________________

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
____________________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie….. Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right… 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
_________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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June 7th, 2008, 12:41
http://www.planktoninvasion.com/head…ohn-quichotte/

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction. (E.F.Schumacher, Economist, Source)
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June 8th, 2008, 01:25
Corwin, I liked the George W quote the most. I could already picture it.

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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June 8th, 2008, 17:55
There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals.
King Kong, an Ape, an Orangutan and a Monkey pass by.
They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.

Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your personality.
Think carefully . . . Try and answer within 30 second





Got your answer?

Now scroll down to see the analysis.






If your answer is:

Orangutan = you're dull & slow

Ape = you're a moron

Monkey = worse, you're an idiot

King Kong = you're hopelessly stupid

Why???







A Coconut tree doesn't have bananas!

Obviously you're stressed and overworked.
Take some time off and relax!

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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June 9th, 2008, 10:51
Seen on CNN, reporting from the Western Wall in Jerusalem:

Reporter: Standing next to me is Mr. Nahum Cohen, who has been coming to pray here at the Western Wall for the last sixty years. Mr. Cohen, how often do you come here?
Cohen: Every day, two or three times.
Reporter: What do you pray for?
Cohen: I pray that our children may live in peace, that our leaders may find wisdom, and that the three religions of Abraham may share this Holy Land in harmony.
Reporter: And how does it feel to do that?
Cohen: What it feels like? It feels like talking to a damn wall!
Last edited by Prime Junta; June 9th, 2008 at 10:58.
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June 9th, 2008, 20:04
defintely the ironic rofl on that one

My favorite recent political quip was appended to a story about McCain dumping his first wife for his present one where Ross Perot(!) was quoted as saying McCain was all about the spotlight:

StrangelyBrown says at 5:57 pm, June 8th, 2008 - Reply

Jesus Christ, when Ross Perot calls the guy an attention whore, you know we’re all in trouble. That’s like Hitler telling David Duke to take it easy on the Jews.

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
Last edited by magerette; June 9th, 2008 at 20:24.
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June 10th, 2008, 21:03


Kind of speaks for itself…

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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June 11th, 2008, 00:35
I think that says it all perfectly. Filled up both cars yesterday and now we can't afford to eat for a week!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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June 17th, 2008, 19:30
POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAM

I actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, 'Hi!
I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to
ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I need you to
do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then
slip on this gown.

Everything clear?

I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science.'

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to
the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and
lean in a tad so we can get everything?'

Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so
why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and
finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with
my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square
glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the
power went off!

'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda
headed for the door.

'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' I
shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy…the door's
wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be
right back.'

Before I could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared.

And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite 'Hi, how's it going' type greetings,
Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew
the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness
as possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.'

'You bet, take care' Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though
I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin.
Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am
sooo sorry!'
The power came back on and I totally forgot about you!
And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?'

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between
the clamps…

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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June 18th, 2008, 00:58
Don't you just love these personal snippets from Cm's diary!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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June 19th, 2008, 01:36
Here's a few I think Cm and Magerette will agree with!!

The Nine Words Women Use

1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3)Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4)Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ….. that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8)Whatever: Is a women's way of saying **** YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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June 20th, 2008, 03:19
That's ok Corwin.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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June 20th, 2008, 13:03
Btw, CM, did you enjoy Bubba and Earl watching you? I think I would … well, look at my title.

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
Last edited by Bartacus; June 26th, 2008 at 20:36.
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June 26th, 2008, 18:27
You keep trying to make it better for yourself Bart, but the hole you are in is so deep, you passed up going through the earth and have landed on the moon now.

Hope everyone can play this clip about baby boomers.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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June 26th, 2008, 20:58
Cm, are you the skinny type of grandmom (like in the clip) or the less skinny type?

One of the best Dilbert's here:

URL
backup

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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