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Default Return of the Daily Smile

July 10th, 2008, 08:56
I often know what Dhruin is thinking. No matter how casually he tries to check out other boobies I always bust him (no pun intended). Males cannot resist checking out women and thinking about sex as the main two activities each day. It's almost like there is not enough blood in the male body to operate the higher levels of thinking and their… member at the same time. There is only enough blood for one, so pretty girl, low top, nice butt, whatever is attractive to that male, and the blood distribution becomes a problem as mini-man takes over and the brain just sits there going "I like looking at boobies" and that's about all it can manage.

I found this hysterically funny and watch it regularly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMb8Csll9Ws

Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.

When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.

When I have had a bad day, I only have to think of chicken cat and I can put my problems in perspective
.
Last edited by Kayla; July 10th, 2008 at 09:02.
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July 10th, 2008, 16:59
It sounded totally reasonable to me!! I'm sure Cm would agree.

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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July 10th, 2008, 17:16
"Look at these venomous harridans!" That is priceless, Kayla—especially the sneer from Sir Percy Fontlesby-Ponceworth there with the part down the middle of his pomaded head. I must begin practicing letting my inner sweetness shine through…

Edit: I like that Born Slacker logo, also…hmmm, sounds like a good custom title…

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
Last edited by magerette; July 10th, 2008 at 17:23.
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July 11th, 2008, 06:28
@Magerette You dear, sweet, fragile little thing.

You already let your natural sweetness shine through. Your job is done and you have served your purpose in life.

Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.

When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.

When I have had a bad day, I only have to think of chicken cat and I can put my problems in perspective
.
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July 11th, 2008, 07:55
That's good because I was getting tired. Who knew shining was so much work?

For some reason, I'm reminded of this joke:

A husband had just finished reading the book, 'MAN OF THE HOUSE'.

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife, pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterwards. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax.

And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied, "The freaking funeral director would be my guess."

Yes, times change…

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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July 11th, 2008, 13:21
Yes, how times have changed… You used to be able to live life, taking care of your man, ensuring dinner was on the table with a martini, and his slippers were warmed in the overn for him. I think it all changed when women realised they could go without sex for longer than a male.

My husband, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.
When I'm in a good mood it turns green.
When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big %$#*^@& red mark on his forehead.

Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.

When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.

When I have had a bad day, I only have to think of chicken cat and I can put my problems in perspective
.
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July 11th, 2008, 18:01
The Daily Smile is taking a definite and sexist turn for the worse!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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July 11th, 2008, 19:22
You're just noticing the evil female influences after 53 pages?

Sorry. No pearls of wisdom in this oyster.
Dallas Cowboys: *sigh* / / Detroit Red Wings: Took injuries to see them, but how about them youngsters!
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July 11th, 2008, 19:46
Originally Posted by Kayla View Post
I often know what Dhruin is thinking. No matter how casually he tries to check out other boobies I always bust him (no pun intended). Males cannot resist checking out women and thinking about sex as the main two activities each day. It's almost like there is not enough blood in the male body to operate the higher levels of thinking and their… member at the same time. There is only enough blood for one, so pretty girl, low top, nice butt, whatever is attractive to that male, and the blood distribution becomes a problem as mini-man takes over and the brain just sits there going "I like looking at boobies" and that's about all it can manage.

I found this hysterically funny and watch it regularly.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMb8Csll9Ws
I found both your analysis and that video very funny and spot on Kayla, thanks for both!
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July 12th, 2008, 01:25
@dte I think Corwin tries to find the good in everyone. He thought the video was good, but then when the venomous harridans start beating people to death with chairs, and using their bra's as slingshots to disable the enemy from a distance he has a problem with it.

Men are such stange creatures.

It can never be a sexist turn for the worst if men are made to pay for their crimes, are beaten, and bleeding, and unconscious…. I mean it can't be for the worst if you laugh at the jokes.

@Toaster. I think the technical term for the condition is Pigeonitis. Pigeons have the same thing in that the muscles between their head and leg are not long enough- hence all the head bobbing.

Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.

When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.

When I have had a bad day, I only have to think of chicken cat and I can put my problems in perspective
.
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July 12th, 2008, 01:29
I hate to add to the male-bashing ( yes of course I do...) but this joke, though lame in some ways is totally appropos to the current discussion:

The Strange Adventure of the Female Brain Cell:

Once upon a time, there was a female brain cell, which by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet.

"Hello?" she cried, but got no answer.


"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder—still no answer.

Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice, "HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?”

Then she heard a very faint voice from far, far away… "We're down here."

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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July 12th, 2008, 01:33
@ magerette I know how hard it was to add to the male bashing. You poor sweet, delicate, innocent, lovely shining beacon of purity. Thank you for sharing that though.

I don't think there is anyone here are the moment. We could completely hijack this thread. Do you have any more male jokes (don't post a picture of a boyfriend or work colleague please).

Q: Why do men become smarter during sex?
A: Because they are plugged into a genius.

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.

Q: Why did God put men on earth?
A: Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.

Q: What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
A: They're intended for children, but it's the men who usually end up playing with them.

Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapor lock.

Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
A: Nobody knows, it hasn't happened yet.

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One. Men will screw anything.

Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A: A half hour of begging.

Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually aroused?
A: He's breathing

Q: What's the difference between men and government bonds?
A: Government bonds mature.

Q: How do you save a man from drowning?
A: Take your foot off of his head.

Q: What do men an beer bottle have in common?
A: They are both empty from the head up.

Q: How can you tell if a man is happy?
A: Who cares?

Q: What is a man's idea of helping out with housework?
A: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.

When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.

When I have had a bad day, I only have to think of chicken cat and I can put my problems in perspective
.
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July 12th, 2008, 01:39
Always willing to oblige:

The Top Ten Things Men Know "FOR SURE" About Women

1.


2.



3.


4.



5.


6.


7.


8.


9.


10. They have boobs.

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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July 12th, 2008, 01:40
You forgot bums.
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July 12th, 2008, 01:44
I'm a man, but the one about vacuuming is funny
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July 12th, 2008, 01:47
A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night:

- 5% said it was to get a glass of water.

- 12% said it was to go to the toilet.

- 83% said it was to go home.

Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.

When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.

When I have had a bad day, I only have to think of chicken cat and I can put my problems in perspective
.
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July 12th, 2008, 01:49
I'm one of the 12% (I always knew all the forum members wanted to know that about me )
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July 12th, 2008, 01:51
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out..'


Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!' Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?' The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful!

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.

When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.

When I have had a bad day, I only have to think of chicken cat and I can put my problems in perspective
.
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July 12th, 2008, 01:53
Raising Boys:














And you also find out interesting things when you have sons, like…

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. Ft.
House 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
Roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a
Crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
Strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and
A Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint
Can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. Room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a
Few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a
Long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a
Baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's
Already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even
Though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-
Year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same
Sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you
Still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV
Commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys
Do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response
Time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make
Earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their
Friends, with or without kids.

25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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July 12th, 2008, 01:55
Fatal Things To Say To Your Pregnant Wife
17. "I finished the Oreo's."

16. "Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds."

15. "Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby."

14. "I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever."

13. "Well, couldn't they induce labor? The 25th is the SuperBowl."

12. "Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella."

11. "Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt."

10. "Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!"

9. "I'm jealous. Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?"

8. "Are your ankles supposed to look like that?"

7. "Get your *own* ice cream."

6. "Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today."

5. "Got milk?"

4. "Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney."

3. "Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!"

2. "Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water."

And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant..

1. "You don't have the guts to pull that trigger."

Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly.

When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.

When I have had a bad day, I only have to think of chicken cat and I can put my problems in perspective
.
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