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Default Return of the Daily Smile

January 26th, 2009, 18:34
Excellent satire, Prime J.

And in the real life is crazier than any joke department:
Goat Detained Over Armed Robbery

Police in Nigeria are holding a goat on suspicion of attempted armed robbery.

Vigilantes took the black and white beast to the police saying it was an armed robber who had used black magic to transform himself into a goat to escape arrest after trying to steal a Mazda 323.

"The group of vigilante men came to report that while they were on patrol they saw some hoodlums attempting to rob a car. They pursued them. However one of them escaped while the other turned into a goat," Kwara state police spokesman Tunde Mohammed told Reuters by telephone.

"We cannot confirm the story, but the goat is in our custody…
Sorry, no picture of the goat trying to hotwire the car.

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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February 12th, 2009, 18:45
This one ought to be relevant these days (yes, I know we have a global crisis now):

"Our economy experts are invaluable. They have predicted 14 of the last 3 economy crises".

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February 13th, 2009, 07:41
Got this today, and while it pertains to Oz, it likely applies elsewhere!!

Stimulus Info…
"This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format:

Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. Only a smidgen.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the Australian economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Target, all the money will go to China .
If you spend it on Petrol it will go to the Arabs.
If you purchase a computer it will go to India ..
If you buy a car it will go to Japan .
If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan ..

And none of it will help the Australian economy.

We need to keep that money here in Australia .. You can keep the money here by spending it at yard sales, going to a footy game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer and wine (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in this country.

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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February 13th, 2009, 19:34
Very apropos worldwide, Corwin.

For those who haven't gotten this bogus but amusing email, some new Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavors,which I've censored a bit:
Ben & Jerry's ice cream created "Yes Pecan!" ice cream flavor for Obama. This got a lot of people thinking. What other flavors might have political resonance?

They then asked people to come up with a George W. Bush memorial flavor. Some of the best responses:

- Grape Depression

- Abu Grape

- Cluster Fudge

- Nut'n Accomplished

- Iraqi Road

- Chock 'n Awe

- WireTapioca

- Impeach Cobbler

- Guantanamallow

- imPeachmint

- Heck of a Job, Brownie!

- NeoconPolitan

- RockyRoad to Fascism

- The Reese's-cession

- Cookie D'oh!

- The Housing Crunch

- Nougalar Proliferation

- Death by Chocolate… and Torture

- Freedom Vanilla Ice Cream

- Chocolate Chip On My Shoulder

- You're Sh**ing In My Mouth And Calling It A Sundae

- Credit Crunch - Mission Pecanplished

- Country Pumpkin - Chunky Monkey in Chief

- Chocolate Chimp - Bloody Sundae

- Caramel Preemptive Stripe

- Good Riddance You Lousy M**r… Swirl

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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February 19th, 2009, 15:52
New use for Windex

I haven't checked 'snopes.com' to see if this
actually works or not . . .
But they say,

If you ever get the sudden

Urge to run around naked,

You should sniff some Windex first.

It'll keep you from streaking.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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February 19th, 2009, 15:59
Boooo! Hissssss!

I can top that. Taken from a local pool supply store (seriously):

"Check out our swimulus package"
"Need a bailout? We sell pumps"

Sorry. No pearls of wisdom in this oyster.
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February 20th, 2009, 12:05


how to get away with driving fines
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February 20th, 2009, 23:28
lol, Benedict, I can hardly believe that's true, but it is a lot of fun.

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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February 24th, 2009, 17:13
Very funny, Benedict. That made our nightly news the other night. Nice to know stupidity can be an international acheivement.

In the Picture Says a Thousand Words category, here's a political cartoon on what's really causing the market to drop:


Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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February 26th, 2009, 15:41
There was this man from "Bulken", a small community in Western Norway. He had been at a neighbour community in order to drink "uppskoka", which is the first sample obtained when brewing beer.

He didn't drink just one glass. Late at night he was on his way home, which due to his somewhat irregular mode of walking was twice as long as normal. He had to rest, accidently by a cemetery. Looking at the tombs, he exclaimed: "so sjuk som eg er no, har de aldri vore" (You've never been as sick as I am now).

This is exactly how I feel now. I haven't been drinking, but I have got a rather aggressive cold, or influenzalike disease. And everyone knows that men suffers far more than others during such an ordeal.

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February 27th, 2009, 10:08
I know the feeling lghartveit.
I have a nasty cold myself.
well now I am bettter but it felt just as bad as a nice fluw

Hope you get better soon too

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February 27th, 2009, 12:55
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.

Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

so very, very tired (Star Trek XI quote according to the Simpsons)
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February 27th, 2009, 14:15
Good thing for Bart I was never able to claim being a blonde….

Had to post these when I got them today.

You can't make this stuff up!

Be Careful Out There:

IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two…'

We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'You gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.' She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change..

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

From Kingman , KS .

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'Its open!' His reply, 'I know.
I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS.

And one last one!!!

When I left Hawaii and was transferred to FL I still had the Hawaiian plates on my car, as my car was shipped from Hawaii . I was parking somewhere (I can't remember) and a guy asked me "Wow, you drove from Hawaii to here?" I looked at him and quickly said "Yep. I took the Hawaii/San Francisco Bridge". He nodded his head and said "Cool!"

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
Last edited by Cm; February 27th, 2009 at 14:57.
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February 27th, 2009, 15:20
If even one of those is true, we are all in deep deep trouble,CM…

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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February 27th, 2009, 15:43
This isn't exactly a joke, and probably not even very funny except perhaps to dog people.

We have a dog. A border terrier named Jekku, which is Finnish for Prank, and it suits him rather well. This is him, playing with a rather large friend of his, an Irish wolfhound named Shitan (Arabic for Satan, which doesn't suit him at all).



He's very very social both with people and with other dogs, generally well-disposed to everything, and his reaction to anything or anyone new is to run at it while wagging his tail and, then, attempting to jump all over it (which is something we're trying to train out of him; at this rate, by the time he's 18 we'll have the behavior well under control). He has very few quirks, but one of them is a big one.

There are two huskies in our neighborhood that belong to a rather nice lady. The huskies are nice too — very dignified, friendly in a reserved way, and altogether good dogs. But, as you may know, huskies look like wolves.



I think that's what sets him off.

Because every time he sees, or even smells them, he howls. Not just a little howl, but a big, huge howl coming from the depths of his little border terrier soul; it's clearly something completely uncontrollable. He howls, with his head tilted back, mouth pursed, entire body quivering with the effort.

Yesterday was the first time I happened to run into them at close distance rather than just across the street or something (my wife had made their acquaintance before). Of course, Jekku stated howling. The two huskies looked at each other and then Jekku as if going "Is he OK?" And Jekku howled and howled.

I asked their owner if we could approach so maybe if Jekku gets to know them he'll figure out they're nothing *that* special, so he doesn't have to howl that much.

Bad idea.

Because when we did, one of the huskies walked up to Jekku to smell him… and then joined in the howling.

Only in a tentative way, mind, not at all like the aria bursting out of Jekku — a little "ooo-ooo" just to see what it's like.

But that was the end of that experiment. Poor Jekku jumped straight into the air on all fours, spun around his axis, and then scooted behind a tree — all the time howling uncontrollably. So we went home.

The owner of the huskies got a good laugh, though, and I think Jekku is getting a reputation — the Howling Dog of Hakaniemi.
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February 27th, 2009, 15:50
It's hard for terriers to realize they do not have the size and offensive arsenals of saber tooth tigers. Reality can be such a shock!

Reminds me of the time my last Jack Russell, weight about 18 pounds, attacked the chow/pit bull mix(+/- 80 lbs) next door. The chow looked totally bemused and puzzled at the strange ornament hanging from his throat…my jack's teeth couldn't even meet in the fur of his opponent, but he hung on for dear life til I pried him loose.

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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February 27th, 2009, 16:02
That's not it this time, though — Jekku clearly doesn't want to attack the huskies; I don't think even he knows what, exactly, he wants — other than to howl with the wolves. He's not aggressive at all; he's just somehow totally in the grip of some genetic memory that's overwhelming him.
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February 27th, 2009, 16:17
Perhaps it's envy? Maybe he suddenly realizes he (ancestrally) used to be as big as a wolf and now has mysteriously shrunk? IOW, that is a WTF? howl.

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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February 27th, 2009, 18:25
You should have seen our 8 pound Peke go after a German Sheppard police dog about a decade ago. Andy barreled a good 50 yards to even get to the fight (watching a peke run full out is a bit funny). Even standing up, he couldn't reach to do any damage. The Sheppard stood there looking down, probably debating whether to try eating Andy in one bite or two, but was too well trained to actually do anything. I blame Mrs dte for always telling him he's a big doggie—I think he believes it.

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February 28th, 2009, 10:15
Terriers are as big as wolves but put in the tiny body of an overgrown mole.
I had a White Highland terrier myself, bether known as cesears.
She was a sweet dog with a real personality.

But she was never scared. She even tried to attack a border collie.
Trucks and motocycles where here favorite things to attack.

Ow yes and animal channel was off limits for us.
She could watch tv and started barking like hell. Once she even jumped up against the tv stand when there was a dog on and no sound.

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