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Default Return of the Daily Smile

September 30th, 2009, 00:21
Oh, I know, but it just amuses the hell out of me, having worked in a government office before.
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September 30th, 2009, 00:22
Our federal dollars… expanding…the economy and keeping scantily clad ladies in their jobs in this tough market. What could possibly go wrong?
Last edited by magerette; October 1st, 2009 at 22:03. Reason: redundancy
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September 30th, 2009, 00:24
Tell me about it… The pace can be amazingly slow…
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September 30th, 2009, 00:25
Maybe these people took the idea of a "stimulus package" too literally? Heh heh heh.
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September 30th, 2009, 00:26
Ouch! …..
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September 30th, 2009, 00:44
This is what happens when you merge the Daily Smile with the P&R forum!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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October 1st, 2009, 18:30
Your loan request has been rejected
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October 1st, 2009, 18:37
Heh. Bugger.

Here's a neat little story: Denny & Peach.

"Mystery is important. To know everything, to know the whole truth, is dull. There is no magic in that. Magic is not knowing, magic is wondering about what and how and where." ~ Cortez, from The Longest Journey
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October 3rd, 2009, 01:45
There's an amusing 16 min. long talk on TED feat. John Hodgman, a brief digression, in which he tells a tale of alien oddities. Brilliant storytelling.

"Mystery is important. To know everything, to know the whole truth, is dull. There is no magic in that. Magic is not knowing, magic is wondering about what and how and where." ~ Cortez, from The Longest Journey
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October 4th, 2009, 01:16
Some of these are old but a few were new to me and they still make me smile.



1. Men are like laxatives
They irritate the crap out of you.

2. Men are like Bananas
The older they get, the less firm they are.


3. Men are like Weather
Nothing can be done to change
Them.


4. Men are like Blenders
You need One, but you're not quite sure why..


5. Men are like Chocolate Bars
Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right
For your hips.

6. Men are like Commercials
You can't believe a word they say.


7. Men are like Department Stores
Their clothes are always 1/2 off!


8. Men are like Government Bonds ….
They take soooooooo long to mature.


9. Men are like Mascara
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.



10. Men are like Popcorn
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.


11. Men are like Snowstorms
You never know when they're coming, how many
Inches you'll get or how long it will last.


12. Men are like Lava Lamps
Fun to look at, but not very bright.


13.. Men are like Parking Spots
All the good ones are taken, the rest are
Handicapped.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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October 5th, 2009, 02:26
Is cm already on someone's list? If not, this sounds like a good start.

On a different note, here's top secret inside knowledge from a former cat.


"Mystery is important. To know everything, to know the whole truth, is dull. There is no magic in that. Magic is not knowing, magic is wondering about what and how and where." ~ Cortez, from The Longest Journey
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October 5th, 2009, 06:00
This guy reminded me of Kryten from Red Dwarf. Don't drink anything while watching.

Accigone - The Accent Eliminating Spray

"Mystery is important. To know everything, to know the whole truth, is dull. There is no magic in that. Magic is not knowing, magic is wondering about what and how and where." ~ Cortez, from The Longest Journey
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October 6th, 2009, 22:02
Arhu, I have been on someones list for years…..but my list generates enough fear I feel safe……

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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October 6th, 2009, 23:07
Tsk tsk.

Here's a cute, little candy thief. But don't tell anyone!

"Mystery is important. To know everything, to know the whole truth, is dull. There is no magic in that. Magic is not knowing, magic is wondering about what and how and where." ~ Cortez, from The Longest Journey
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October 6th, 2009, 23:57
I like this clip: The Ladybug vs. All Others. Sonny and Jaz had been googling for videos featuring starships… no idea how we landed there, but… I still like it.

Semper HiFi!
Motto of the 54th Groove Bde.
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October 19th, 2009, 18:03
A Husband took his beautiful blonde wife to play her first game of golf…..Of course, the wife promptly whacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

A warm voice said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh…yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.

"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. ou see, I'm a genie , and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes.
I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

Wow, that's great!" the husband said.
He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the leas t I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!" "And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, what's your wish, genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for you!"

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other in every way.
After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

" NO SHIT ." He said, "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"

Sorry. No pearls of wisdom in this oyster.
Dallas Cowboys: *sigh* / / Detroit Red Wings: Took injuries to see them, but how about them youngsters!
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October 20th, 2009, 19:11
Football Fantasy vs D&D

http://www.sheldoncomics.com/strips/sd090911.gif
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October 20th, 2009, 19:15
Old, but good one, dte.
Here's an oldie engineer joke you've probably heard:

The R&D associate with an engineering firm runs excitedly into the CEO's office, shouting "Eureka! I have good news and bad news."
"So what's the good news?"
"I've done it! I've invented the universal solvent! This stuff will dissolve anything, oil, plastic, goop and gunk—anything!"
"That's great. We can make a million with that. What's the bad news?"
"It dissolved the container I put it in, the bench the container was on, the floor of the room the bench was in, the concrete foundation, and is presently heading toward the earth's core, so we'll all be dead in approximately six and a half hours."

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
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October 21st, 2009, 16:07
Computers and technology in movies, or: How CSI works.

"Mystery is important. To know everything, to know the whole truth, is dull. There is no magic in that. Magic is not knowing, magic is wondering about what and how and where." ~ Cortez, from The Longest Journey
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October 24th, 2009, 14:22
Probably only funny to those who have played Street Fighter: Are you Ken?

"Mystery is important. To know everything, to know the whole truth, is dull. There is no magic in that. Magic is not knowing, magic is wondering about what and how and where." ~ Cortez, from The Longest Journey
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