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Default Return of the Daily Smile

October 24th, 2009, 18:14
Originally Posted by Arhu View Post
Computers and technology in movies, or: How CSI works.
You doubt? They used to think the atom was the smallest bit of matter, but now we know better. Building blocks inside the building blocks. CSI has discovered there's more to a dot than meets the eye: The Quarkipixel!

Sorry. No pearls of wisdom in this oyster.
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October 24th, 2009, 19:52
Well, there's a reason Fragment Shaders are called Fragment Shaders and not pixel shaders. The smallest component in any 3D-object isn't the pixel…

I'm worried that I'm the only one who gets this joke.

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October 25th, 2009, 17:39
How Adam Got Eve - Priceless

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, 'What's wrong with you?'

Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.

God said that He was going to make Adam a companion,
and that it would be a woman.

He said, 'This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you,

and when you discover clothing, she will wash them for you.

She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you,
and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.

She will praise you!

She will bear your children.
And never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.

She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and
passion whenever you need it.

Adam asked God, 'What will a woman like this cost?'


'An arm and a leg'.


Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"

Of course the rest is history.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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October 26th, 2009, 00:33
I knew there was a catch!

Anyway, why not go and play outside? The weather is beautiful.

"Mystery is important. To know everything, to know the whole truth, is dull. There is no magic in that. Magic is not knowing, magic is wondering about what and how and where." ~ Cortez, from The Longest Journey
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October 26th, 2009, 09:32
hehehe good one Cm. Why oh Why couldn't he gave an arm and a leg, the world would be a lot better

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October 27th, 2009, 17:03
Now we all know where men get that "cheap" gene.

OK, new one.
See if you can figure out what these words have in common.

1. Banana
2. Dresser
3. Grammar
4. Potato
5. Revive
6. Uneven
7. Assess

Are you peeking or have you already given up?
Give it another try . Look at each word carefully.
(You'll kick yourself when you discover the answer.)
Answer:
Spoiler

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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November 5th, 2009, 00:54
Got sent this in an email today. Don't have any coffee in your mouth while reading some of them!!

Some people are JUST toooooo clever to sit exams
The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire (U.K.)

These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)


Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the *!!*???)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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November 5th, 2009, 21:27
Good ones Corwin.


Redneck Medical Terminology
* Artery…………..The study of Paintings.
* Benign………….What you be after you be eight.
* Bacteria………..Back door to cafeteria.
* Barium…………What doctors do when patients die.
* Cesarean Section….A neighborhood in Rome.
* Catscan………..Searching for Kitty.
* Cauterize….Made eye contact with her.
* Colic…………….A sheep dog.
* Coma…………….A punctuation mark.
* D&C……………..Where Washington is.
* Dilate……………………To live long.
* Enema……………………Not a friend.
* Fester…….Quicker than someone else.
* Fibula……………………A small lie.
* Genital……………Non-Jewish person.
* G.I.Series………………World Series of military baseball.
* Hangnail………….What you hang your coat on.
* Impotent………………..Distinguished, well known.
* Labor Pain……….Getting hurt at work.
* Medical Staff…………..A Doctor's cane.
* Morbid………..A higher offer than I bid.
* Nitrates……….Cheaper than day rates.
* Node……………………..I knew it.
* Outpatient…..A person who has fainted.
* Pap Smear………….A fatherhood test.
* Pelvis……………Second cousin to Elvis.
* Post Operative…………A letter carrier.
* Recovery Room…Place to do upholstery.
* Rectum…………..Darn near killed him.
* Secretion……………Hiding something
* Seizure……………….Roman emperor.
* Tablet………………….A small table.
* Terminal Illness………..Getting sick at the airport.
* Tumor…………………..More than one.
* Urine…………….Opposite of you're out
* Varicose…………………Near by

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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November 8th, 2009, 18:42
Heh. Reminds me of Tenne-C.

Anyhow, here are a couple of physics jokes. Some of them are quite funny. IMNSHO.

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November 12th, 2009, 13:41
As a child i lived in a big old house and i was allowed to play in an attic store room. One day an old record player fell off a shelf onto my head and knocked me out cold but doctor said i should be o.k as i was a normal healthy child and this has turned out to true, even to this day i can say with confidence it had no effect on me - on me - on me - on me.
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November 19th, 2009, 11:36
We were out of coffee at work today.

Cousin Elly is the world's worst at getting instructions mixed up. When she got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it. Salesman Riley carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready." A few weeks later Elly was back in the store and Riley asked her how she liked the coffee maker. "Wonderful!" she replied, "However, there's one thing I don't understand. Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?"

Freddie was eighteen years old, friendly, and eager to do things right. Unfortunately, he wasn't especially bright. He had just started his first job, as a delivery boy and general go-fer at a furniture warehouse. His first task was to go out for coffee. He walked into a nearby coffee shop carrying a large thermos. When the counterman finally noticed him, he held up the thermos. "Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" he said. The counterman looked at the thermos, hesitated for a few seconds, then finally said, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me." "Good," Freddie said. "Give me two regular, two black, and two decaf."

I met someone in the elevator who was drinking coffee and complaining about how coffee made him nervous. I said "Why don't you quit drinking coffee?" He said "Because if I didn't have the shakes, I wouldn't get any exercise at all."

pibbur - instant human, just add coffee.

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November 24th, 2009, 22:18
Dry Ice Bomb Helmet

I thought it was funny
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November 25th, 2009, 02:02
Was sent this today and thought it perfect for someone like Cm!!

I love this Doctor!


Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?

A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it…don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable) And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?

A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain…good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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November 25th, 2009, 02:56
Corwin was kind enough to share this with me, but somehow failed to point it out to the rest of y'all. I shall remedy that unfortunate oversight.

Bohemian Rhapsody ala Muppets

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November 28th, 2009, 09:08
I was just about to post that, dte, in the links and stuff thread. Good thing I came here first. I saw this video over at Rampant Coyote, just plain awesome. Brought back a ton of memories with seemingly all the muppets making an appearance.

Despite all my rage.
I'm still just a rat in a cage.
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November 28th, 2009, 14:49
Heh, that one sure is making the rounds.

Anyway, here's something I couldn't decide where to post, but it made me smile, so here goes:

[ http://www.thesneeze.com/mt-archives…raw_a_face.php ]

It all started with the drawing of a face on a cake. Like the one on Mars, mysterious and all, but on a smaller scale. Then it all developed into an amazingly cute story of nostalgia. Be sure not to skip ahead, read from the top.

"Mystery is important. To know everything, to know the whole truth, is dull. There is no magic in that. Magic is not knowing, magic is wondering about what and how and where." ~ Cortez, from The Longest Journey
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December 2nd, 2009, 13:14
Came across this two times already. Cuteness alert!

Surprised Kitty

"Mystery is important. To know everything, to know the whole truth, is dull. There is no magic in that. Magic is not knowing, magic is wondering about what and how and where." ~ Cortez, from The Longest Journey
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December 3rd, 2009, 21:42
Robin Williams is a gamer. Talk about gettting owned in cod4 n stuff, named his daughted Zelda? cool
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December 3rd, 2009, 21:48
That's awesome! I love it when parents give their kids unusual names like that which still sound very good. Terry Pratchett's daughter has a very cool name too.

"Mystery is important. To know everything, to know the whole truth, is dull. There is no magic in that. Magic is not knowing, magic is wondering about what and how and where." ~ Cortez, from The Longest Journey
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December 4th, 2009, 07:29
This one's just for Star Wars freaks with a troubled childhood… who understand German. But hey, I bet there's at least one of them here:

Küss mich (Darth Vader)

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Motto of the 54th Groove Bde.
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