|
Your continuous donations keep RPGWatch running!
RPGWatch Forums » General Forums » Off-Topic » Return of the Daily Smile

Default Return of the Daily Smile

December 10th, 2009, 21:27
@Jaz: Funny, although I have to listen to it a couple of times to get everything. But I DID get why the kiss was refused.

Now here's a (hopefully made-up) patch note for Age of Conan. Found it on Something Awful:

Welcome to the open beta for Age Of Conan: Hyborian Adventures, the MMO that brings Robert E. Howard's vision to life! New players may wish to jump right into the game, but those of you who took part in the closed beta may wish to familiarize yourself with the changes that have been made in preparation for this open beta.

Quests
* The quest "Kill Some Things" now concludes after you have killed some things, not before.

Player Character
* Fixed the beard that appeared on female characters during character creation. The beard should now be fuller and match the color of your character's hair.
* Muscles now bulge and flex appropriately when tickled.

Classes
Assassin
* After hiding, you can not move until another player finds and tags you.

Barbarian
* Creating a Cimmerian barbarian with black hair and a name like Conann will replace the single player portion of the game with a sceen that reads "You are a douchebag".

Bear Shaman
* Although this change was crucial to make the game balanced, it goes against the lore and is sure to be controversial. Instead of limiting the ability to wooded areas, Bear Shaman can now shit pretty much anywhere.

Dark Templar
* The amount of life you drain from enemies is now calculated by how hot your enemy is on a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being like, Adriana Lima or something.

Demonologist
* Removed demons.

Guardian
* Shields can no longer be thrown, then caught up to and sat upon in midair until level 40, when other mounts become available.

Audio
* Disabled the "La Cucaracha" car horn that blared when players pressed the H key.
* Lowered the volume of all dialogue recorded by Gilbert Gottfried.

NPCs
* Gronmak no longer patrols his hut with a swimming animation.
* Fixed a bug which caused an extra set of eyelids to slide over Blandau the Wicked's nipples when he blinked.
* Storbo the weaponsmith now accepts the same currency as all other merchants. In related news, removed the "cupped hands" animation for player characters.

Mobs
* Crocodiles no longer float into the air and out of your reach when they are low on health.
* Added extra limbs and heads to all creatures to increase the level of dismemberment.
* Some inhuman mobs have been given all the powers of our Game Masters. Be careful out there or you might have your account closed!

pibbur

Guest

#1461

Posts: n/a

Default 

December 18th, 2009, 14:50
Washington D.C. - A convict broke out of jail in Washington D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged.

Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.
============================
Ionia, Michigan - When two service station attendants refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.
============================
Radnor, Pennsylvania - Police interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
============================
Toronto, Canada - A gas station attendant had no trouble identifying a robber for police, even though the man had worn a pair of women's panties over his head as a disguise.

The thief, who later admitted that his mind was clouded by intoxicants, had stuck his face through one of the leg-holes so he could see.
============================
Modesto, CA - Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon.

King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
============================
Virginia Beach - A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants as he was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and jumping around," said police spokesman Mike Carey, "with an explosion taking place inside his pants."
============================
Los Angeles, California - Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control him- self during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"

Sorry. No pearls of wisdom in this oyster.
Dallas Cowboys: *sigh* / / Detroit Red Wings: Took injuries to see them, but how about them youngsters!
dteowner is offline

dteowner

dteowner's Avatar
Shoegazer

#1462

Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Indiana, USA
Posts: 11,256

Default 

December 26th, 2009, 19:55
That panty disguise just never works.

__________________________________________________ __________________

Here's a mildly humorous look at the evolution of the concept of ""elf" in games and elsewhere:
http://www.cracked.com/funny-2307-elves/

image snip:

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
magerette is offline

magerette

magerette's Avatar
Hedgewitch
RPGWatch Team

#1463

Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 7,929

Default 

January 3rd, 2010, 22:33
Among the first results in a google image search for "George Lucas"…
Spoiler – click
hishadow is offline

hishadow

Level N+1

#1464

Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Southern parts of Norway
Posts: 1,140

Default 

January 12th, 2010, 19:52
Fail…

Übereil

For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.

H. L. Mencken

The Chaos Cascade
Ubereil is offline

Ubereil

Ubereil's Avatar
Keeper of the Watch

#1465

Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,263

Default 

January 15th, 2010, 21:27
What's wrong with this picture? Actual screenshot from Amazon.com, you can see the URL in it and go there yourself if you don't believe me.

Spoiler


Spoiler


Spoiler


I also got a giggle today by typing "proof that" into Google's search box, and looking at the suggestions. Try it, if curious…
Attached Images
File Type: jpg wafers.jpg (161.6 KB, 107 views)
Prime Junta is offline

Prime Junta

RPGCodex' Little BRO

#1466

Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 8,540

Default 

January 15th, 2010, 21:36
That must be for a part of the service I've never participated in.

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
magerette is offline

magerette

magerette's Avatar
Hedgewitch
RPGWatch Team

#1467

Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 7,929

Default 

January 16th, 2010, 00:05
That's not something we offer in the Protestant community; I wonder what the Pope thinks about all that, or what he does with the bottles he receives!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

Editor@RPGWatch
Corwin is offline

Corwin

Corwin's Avatar
On The Razorblade of Life
RPGWatch Team

#1468

Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 10,326
Send a message via Skype™ to Corwin

Default 

January 16th, 2010, 04:02
Thanks PJ! That was one to share with the wife for a good laugh!

— Mike
txa1265 is offline

txa1265

txa1265's Avatar
SasqWatch

#1469

Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Corning, NY USA
Posts: 11,326

Default 

January 18th, 2010, 15:15
They never offered that at my church! Come to think of it…..the little old lady who was in charge of ordering that stuff did always have a really sweet smile.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
Cm is offline

Cm

Cm's Avatar
Sentinel of Light

#1470

Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Missouri USA
Posts: 2,091
Send a message via Skype™ to Cm

Default 

January 19th, 2010, 01:21
I didn't know you had a really sweet smile!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

Editor@RPGWatch
Corwin is offline

Corwin

Corwin's Avatar
On The Razorblade of Life
RPGWatch Team

#1471

Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 10,326
Send a message via Skype™ to Corwin

Default 

January 21st, 2010, 16:43
Cm steps over a few threads and borrows that dead fish from T for one more use!

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
Cm is offline

Cm

Cm's Avatar
Sentinel of Light

#1472

Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Missouri USA
Posts: 2,091
Send a message via Skype™ to Cm

Default 

January 27th, 2010, 01:04
Your name is Toby!!
hishadow is offline

hishadow

Level N+1

#1473

Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Southern parts of Norway
Posts: 1,140

Default 

February 17th, 2010, 23:22
Haven't posted any blonde jokes in a long time—most of these are fairly fresh:
A Blonde's Year in Review

January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels…..
Helllloooo!!!……..bottles won't fit in printer!!!

March
Got really excited…..finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months…..
Box said ' 2-4 years!'

April
Trapped on escalator for hours ….
Power went out!!!

May
Tried to make Kool Aid…..wrong instructions….
8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June
Tried to go water skiing…….
Couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition…..
Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm……
Car swamped because soft-top was open.

September
The capital of California is 'C'…..isn't it???

October
Hate M & M's…..
They are so hard to peel.

November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days …..
Instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!

December
Couldn't call 911.
'Duh'…..there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!

Where there's smoke, there's mirrors.
magerette is offline

magerette

magerette's Avatar
Hedgewitch
RPGWatch Team

#1474

Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 7,929

Default 

February 18th, 2010, 00:54
I loved March and July especially!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

Editor@RPGWatch
Corwin is offline

Corwin

Corwin's Avatar
On The Razorblade of Life
RPGWatch Team

#1475

Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 10,326
Send a message via Skype™ to Corwin

Default 

February 19th, 2010, 22:24
Those are great. I have a real life story about my poor sister. She went out with a few of my other sisters and they got her a bit drunk. ( She does not do well with alcohol) They all piled out of the car, while she was messing in her purse and closed the doors which instantly locked.

You guessed it, she started screaming she was stuck and for someone to let her out. Sad thing is they were sober enough to keep acting like there was no way to save her and she was drunk enough to panic for nearly five minutes.

Worse is she is not blonde. But one of my sisters mailed her some hair dye a few weeks later with instructions to use same so she matched her IQ.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
Cm is offline

Cm

Cm's Avatar
Sentinel of Light

#1476

Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Missouri USA
Posts: 2,091
Send a message via Skype™ to Cm

Default 

February 19th, 2010, 22:26
Originally Posted by Cm View Post
Worse is she is not blonde. But one of my sisters mailed her some hair dye a few weeks later with instructions to use same so she matched her IQ.
And, did you use it?
bkrueger is offline

bkrueger

Nothing to see here.

#1477

Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 790

Default 

February 19th, 2010, 22:29
Hummm……….I may have to add your name to my list BK……. I will let you guess why I got that smile named after me.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
Cm is offline

Cm

Cm's Avatar
Sentinel of Light

#1478

Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Missouri USA
Posts: 2,091
Send a message via Skype™ to Cm

Default 

February 19th, 2010, 23:39
Cm wouldn't need dye, she's already………..

If God said it, then that settles it!!

Editor@RPGWatch
Corwin is offline

Corwin

Corwin's Avatar
On The Razorblade of Life
RPGWatch Team

#1479

Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Australia
Posts: 10,326
Send a message via Skype™ to Corwin

Default 

February 20th, 2010, 17:38
That makes TWO for the list this week!

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
Cm is offline

Cm

Cm's Avatar
Sentinel of Light

#1480

Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Missouri USA
Posts: 2,091
Send a message via Skype™ to Cm
RPGWatch Forums » General Forums » Off-Topic » Return of the Daily Smile
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT +2. The time now is 04:25.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright by RPGWatch