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May 9th, 2010, 20:15
Not entirely sure where to put this (true crime thread), but I choose to put it here. It's from an article on Wikipedia about Thomas Blood who on this verty day in 1671 tried to steal the english crown jewels. He was caught, and this is what happened next:

"Following his capture Blood refused to answer to anyone but the king and was consequently taken to the palace, bound in chains, where he was questioned by King Charles, Prince Rupert, the Duke of York, and other members of the royal family. The King asked Blood, "What if I should give you your life?" and Blood replied humbly, "I would endeavour to deserve it, Sire!"[3]

To the disgust of Lord Ormonde, Blood was not only pardoned, but also given land in Ireland worth £500 a year.[7] The reasons for the king's pardon are unknown. Some historians have speculated that the king may have feared an uprising in revenge by followers of Blood, who were thought to have taken an oath to their leader.[5] Others speculate that the king had a fondness for audacious scoundrels such as Blood, and that he was amused by the Irishman's claim that the jewels were worth only £6,000 as opposed to the £100,000 at which the Crown had valued them.[3]

There is also a suggestion that the king was flattered and amused by Blood's revelation that he had previously intended to kill the king while Charles was bathing in the Thames but had been swayed otherwise, having found himself in "awe of majesty".[4] It has also been suggested that his actions may have had the connivance of the king himself, because the king was very short of money at the time."

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May 16th, 2010, 17:11


pretty funny parody of the Evony ads by the PvZ peeps
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May 17th, 2010, 11:31
8 websites you need to stop building
'
says pibbur who will never use social - yeeech - media.

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May 30th, 2010, 16:52
http://widget.newsinc.com/playlist.h…lerarticle_oth

Just too cool.

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May 31st, 2010, 15:27
I made the mistake of showing that to the grandkids, now the 5 year old is screaming for someone to blow up the bag of ballons we have so he can try it.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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June 3rd, 2010, 21:22
I found this one hilarious: Who's the tank.

It helps having watched some Abbot & Costello.

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June 4th, 2010, 10:58
Got this one from my daughter:

One day my mother was out, and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room reading the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up.

Then she said, (as only a mother would know), "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"

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June 6th, 2010, 09:24
Hehehe Who is the tank!!!!!
That was just hilarious

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June 22nd, 2010, 15:37
(In honor of the "boys" here.)

Why Women Are Crabby

We started to 'bud' in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.

Next, we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in places we didn't even know we had.

Our next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which was about as much fun as having a ramrod pushed up your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to wonder what all the fuss was about.

Then it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John . Of course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.

Our once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole watermelon and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the way to the ER.
Then it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says, 'Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. Just one more good push' (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the %$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling, mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a keyhole.


After that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that 'cute' wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet, gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.

Then come their 'Teen Years.' Need I say more?

When the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early 40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.


So we progress into the grand finale: 'Menopause', the Grandmother of all womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned 'buds' or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.

Now, you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy, INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without soaking their socks…

So, while I love being a woman, 'Womanhood' would make the Great Gandhi a tad
crabby. You think women
are the 'weaker sex'? Yeah right.
Bite me.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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June 23rd, 2010, 00:39
Guess which phase Cm is passing through?! She was a late bloomer!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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June 27th, 2010, 10:51
her teen years?
it really sounds like the complaint of a teen who is pubering and revolting against everything good

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June 28th, 2010, 22:18
I will not comment on which phase I may be in on any given day, other then to say I have passed the teenage years………..
The hard part is reaching through this screen and biting off a few heads here when the mood strikes me……….
And the mood struck me twice so far since I posted that little joke…

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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July 13th, 2010, 09:47
Just got sent this and thought I'd share:

If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates".
His mind sees things differently than most of us do. Here are some of his gems:
1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists — they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend… But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever… So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
And an all time favorite-
34 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?


If God said it, then that settles it!!

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July 13th, 2010, 22:56
That certainly looks different in the light version

Computer n. A machine which flawlessly performs the instructions it is given, no matter how flawed those instructions may be.
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July 14th, 2010, 00:28
True, but when I set it to black it didn't display in the Dark, which all 'real' rpg players use!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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July 30th, 2010, 18:10
http://network.yardbarker.com/soccer…IS_BIG/2947496

There's a Youtube at the end. Worth the watch, me thinks.

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July 31st, 2010, 18:17
Cute, made me laugh.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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August 3rd, 2010, 17:00
Dear Lord,

So far today I am doing alright.
I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish,
or self-indulgent. I have not whinned, complained, cursed, or eaten any
chocolate. I have not wasted my talents, killed my husband, or beaten any
children yet today.

I will be getting out of bed in a minute however, and I think I will really need your help then.

Would you settle for me not doing five of the above list?

Thank you.

Bart and Corwin should just admit that when it gets down to it, I will have the final say.
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August 4th, 2010, 08:18
You realise that this is her genuine daily prayer which has yet to be granted; she normally tries to do all of those things every day!!

If God said it, then that settles it!!

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August 4th, 2010, 21:59
hopefully she doesn't tries to kill her husband too much

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