I'm very sorry to hear how much you've been through. What you've discovered, though, I think is very profound, and it doesn't matter whether one sees it through a conventional religious lens, or not. Whatever one's religious or philosophical perspective, if it doesn't lead you to the
knowledge that compassion is the highest good, you're barking up the wrong tree.
Ce n'est pas génie, ni gloire, ni amour qui reflète la grandeur de l'âme humaine; c'est bonté.
(It is not genius, nor glory, nor love that reflects the greatness of the human soul; it is kindness.)
Jean-Baptiste Henri Lacordaire