Cry on my shoulder, for I no longer can pat my back. a MODDING STORY. by prosper

I alone on that atmospheric night had to abide by the wishes of the gaseous giants afar that would not even grant me the gold ranger powers despite having his staff.

in a world of rainbows, the sediment stuck in the cracks of the social fabric always repel the solitary. The farther I am, the more I have come to known the emptiness and the divide between me and those who are normal and happy.

It all began so many countless years ago before I became known as a public nuisance. I was but a wee little 6th grader and by then had a choice of this online life of geekery or the pressure of my peers to be something I am not, because what I am is something they do not want.

To drop this in my mailbox of sincerity when i had no other company, no one who wanted to be my friend. but to dispare me they gave me the letters of half-hearted emotionary mockery.

i loved you fallout. however you were shown to me, it was not until i knew you and your end that i would understand what the world deserves.

So onto the fairy tale. It was but another site to re-register on and cross my fingers that i would not suffer an imminent ban. I tried real hard and sometimes spent days trying to figure out how to share my dreams and ideas without getting cruely treated on NMA.

Through hope, I found a little strength and try to learn as much as I could bare about the intricate systems that comprises games. Fallout 1 to Fallout Tactics, oh how I adored the thought of even imitating the functionality.
To even visible imitate a quality of these mechanis, however poor would of made my already shortened aspie life a true blessing.

time and time again, it proved to difficult and the dedication needed beyond my life span. but then one day i began to code. i did things.

i did art.

i did everything. i brought the ideas. just to have slutty russians like mrlexx or disappointing german feeble kitten cutsy personalities like mr. wolna to be like "WHAT IS THS"?

how i miss the days. the days that i didn't know. if i could go back and start over, i would never look forward until i had earned the respect of the APIs and source codes infront of me.

No matter how much I grew up, or projects started, or visits to learncpp and learning proper style and new c/cpp conding techniques, it always seemed that everything was out of reach.

i kept reaching. from my chair to my keyboard. googling for anything that would give me the power, even the will to become all i can be and produce that fallout mod. whetehr it be 1, 2, or tactics, and later on 3 by bethesda.

i never could quite satisfy my gut. such trolling i had to face. and now here i am after magnitudes of set backs in the deepest meter impact crator, even farther from the stars.

oh how i wish i could enjoy the mods i make and my fans love me as much as my work, and i myself, for the work i do and not the abilities i have because of my lack of a life.

so lonely. so lonely. how i wish i had made it.