I am completely devastated, I dont know if I can try anymore.

Dude, I came from a home of child abuse. My dad was a sadistic sociopath, capable of extreme psychological torture. I went through both physical and emotional abuse, and came out with complex post-trauma - which basically means more than one incident of post-traumatic stress, or prolonged post-trauma. Prisoners of war get this. After the incident of child abuse, my mother joined a religious cult in Utah, and kicked me out homeless because I wouldn't join. I became the 'antichrist' and 'beast from revelations.' Her word. All this, after leaving a lifetime of abuse. The entire society I grew up in was Mormon, and when I wasn't abused at home, I was bullied around town. It didn't help that I was extremely intelligent, these people looked down on that. After leaving to Seattle, I had a psychotic break, where I hallucinated God and angels for 3 1/2 months, and saw myself consigned to hell. My girlfriend left. My mom came down with pre-cancer. My grandma had a stroke. I have nobody left living that cares for me, nothing to go back to, all my friend abandoned me when I started to get ill. And to make things worse, my health collapsed when I left Utah. I came down with both fibromyalgia, and I already had Crohn's disease from the poor diet my parents were feeding me (both knew I had food allergies, and continued to feed them to me.) Most of my life, I have been suicidal. Last but not least, without any roots, without any past to look back on, I have to keep moving forward. Destiny awaits. But only if you're prepared to move forward. I am not telling you it is going to be easy. But if I can survive a lifetime of what I've been through, knowing my body is failing, and nobody ever loved me, certainly you can relate. There are people with worse health, that have it harder than you. Try to define yourself by a life purpose. Rather than relying on others to define your happiness. The trick is to get involved with something. And remember, when you're at rock bottom, the only way left to go is up. Read 'Dark Night of the Soul' by St. John of the Cross. Might help you. Best of luck,

Voidy

Maybe I'll do just that. I'll try and set myself a purpose that is achievable.

Good on you man. One step at a time. One day at a time.

That first step can be damned difficult. After that though it can become just a matter of taking another step. Then somehow its a different place.

"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step."

Originally Posted by Damian
Maybe I'll do just that. I'll try and set myself a purpose that is achievable.

Good for you. I am working on an Amazon business from home, and writing ebooks for Kindle. Anyone can do it! Find your most intense passion, and follow it mercilessly.

FWIW, this is one of my favorite quotes on the matter: Good mental health is roughly proportionate to the amount of time one spends focused on matters outside of one's own head.

Originally Posted by Void000
Good for you. I am working on an Amazon business from home, and writing ebooks for Kindle. Anyone can do it! Find your most intense passion, and follow it mercilessly.

I was, still am, awed. I think you're a very strong and remarkable person.
I take my hat off with the greatest respect.

Originally Posted by Void000
my mother joined a religious cult in Utah, and kicked me out homeless because I wouldn't join. I became the 'antichrist' and 'beast from revelations.' Her word. All this, after leaving a lifetime of abuse. The entire society I grew up in was Mormon, and when I wasn't abused at home, I was bullied around town. It didn't help that I was extremely intelligent, these people looked down on that.

I think at this point it's important to explain, that splinter religious cults described here, aren't actual Mormons.

Mormons are by definition, a cult!!

Originally Posted by Corwin
Mormons are by definition, a cult!!

Well if we're getting technical, all religions, including all other Christian religions are a cult. But that's a deeper discussion for another thread.

Originally Posted by Caddy
Well if we're getting technical, all religions, including all other Christian religions are a cult. But that's a deeper discussion for another thread.

The problem is, in Utah, there is no such thing as moderate fundamentalism.

Originally Posted by Void000
The problem is, in Utah, there is no such thing as moderate fundamentalism.

Pretty much. In fact it's probably more accurate to say there's no such thing as a Mormon fundamentalist, period. You're either mainstream LDS, or you're just pretending and most likely have psychological issues. It appears unfortunately it was the later you had to deal with, growing up