1 - All my Characters are 32 point builds. I GR'd Rachail into a 32 point build, and rerolled Aerii (from Suisaidh the Cleric) for 32 point build, while the others were made from the start as 32 pointers.
2 - All my active characters have eaten +2 tomes. Aerii and Rachail only lack the INT tomes, but neither uses skills very much. So you, at best, have 2 extra points to those two characters, and only one for being past level 8 against my Bard and Sorcerer.
3 - All my characters have a general build plan. Part of Aerii's issue is that we're running a lot of undead-heavy quests, and back when I made her Turn Undead was completely and utterly useless. So shes not specced out for Turning. Radiant Servant wasn't a stretch from my original plan, as I'd already taken Empower Healing. The only change was swapping Toughness for Augment Summoning, and that was simply to test the new feat out. I have mostly enough resources to swap back, which I'll do eventually.
4 - I'd like to point out that your Paladin isn't the only one I have to keep up. Tom's barbarian takes just as much aggro, and he lacks any self healing whatsoever. Corwin grabs aggro with every Fireball or Firewall, and if Jo is able to get sneak attack damage on a critter, she can often out damage either Paladin or Barbarian, and grab aggro that way. Once I get Blade Barrier, I'll be drawing aggro as well.
This is ignoring the random aggro of the Beholders, or some monsters ignoring hate tanks and going after whoever they like. Or enemy Arcanes appearing behind us, and nailing my butt with a pair of 100+ damage lightning bolts. Even with -30 from Resistance, that's still about 140+ damage done in about a second, which will kill pretty much any non-melee at out level, even with Toughness and a false life item.
Basically, the difference lies in time played and money invested, as well as play style. I'm working on mastering sp conservation with my Cleric, which means I won't need sp pots. I've never seen anywhere that the game at any point requires a store purchase, other than one Korthos quest that was added in U5. Most veteran Clerics and casters scoff at using store-bought pots, with more than a few believing that they should be removed entirely.
Part of my shift to sp conservation is shifting to potions, wands, and scrolls to deal with things like stat and level draining. Even Raise Dead makes little sense to memorize, as a scroll can handle the issue just fine. Pushing for wards like Freedom of Movement helps mitigate damage, and so effect-removing spells will be slowly phased out as I get the cash in game to stockpile needed scrolls/wands.
This is why I ask for any Restoration/Lesser Restoration, etc scrolls. Though I'll likely start buying the wands instead, as a 50 charge wand will last me a few sessions at least, under normal circumstances. Still, anything of that nature should be saved, for any of the four Clerics and one FvS in the guild.
As far as real money goes, I have all currently existing classes, races, and adventure packs in DDO. As said I've ate +2 stat tomes on everyone already as well. That leaves very little worth buying on the store. The only thing I like to have is the 20% XP pots (the loot gems seem to not work, but I have a ton of them so it doesn't matter). I just wish VotM stacked with them. +25% would be very nice.
Those 20% pots are probably the only reason my characters are keeping up with your two you run with the guild, actually. I have little time to play, and once school starts will have even less time.