As a matter of fact, it's not. I'm down in yet another depression episode. It's not my worst episode, but I'm still overwhelmed by the intense, penetrating feeling of general sadness. And this time I succumbed to one of the self-destructive impulses: removing myself from the watch, a place that I really like.
I've done that before. Whenever I go down I repeatedly attack myself with negative suggestions/imperatives, that's part of the game. I think "pibbur who" is my fifth pibbur on the watch. However, unlike the others, not sure why, "pibbur who" has survived for a very long time. Until now. And unlike the others, I couldn't find a way to delete mr. who on my own. So "pibbur who" is still there, dormant but not dead.
My main reason for leaving the watch was to punish myself. Not particularly rational, but, on the bright side, not necessarily very permanent either. I will come up again, and by that time the urge to leave will be - still present, but much weaker. In other words, some time during 2019 I may return (no promises).
Very sorry about the drama.
pibbur who is embarassed.
PS. I haven't asked Myrthos to kill mr who, and at the moment I don't feel a strong urge to do that. DS.