Return of the Daily Smile
- Thread starter Arma
- Start date
Bartacus
BartWatch
Still I bet I can hold back a chainsaw with my .... 
And CM, I could send you a pm, but "when one can annoy another in public, he can appologize in public too".
CM, you're one of the people I respect the most because of your intelligence as seen in the quallity of your funny remarks. The reason why I sometimes hit on you is cause I see it as something fun and you don't really mind. I hope now other people understand it a bit better and do not believe everything what is posted here to be true as I'm sure CM isn't really into torture and lists.
And CM, I could send you a pm, but "when one can annoy another in public, he can appologize in public too".
CM, you're one of the people I respect the most because of your intelligence as seen in the quallity of your funny remarks. The reason why I sometimes hit on you is cause I see it as something fun and you don't really mind. I hope now other people understand it a bit better and do not believe everything what is posted here to be true as I'm sure CM isn't really into torture and lists.
lostnumber
Watchdog
How would someone stop a chainsaw with their genitals? I'd be really impressed, no wait I take that back. I'd be really horrified. At least they can't have kids anymore...
Of course she is into torture and lists. She is an evil woman and groveling before her is not going to help you anything..... Although maybe evil is not the right word.... sadistic is better... that or educational 
- Joined
- Aug 30, 2006
- Messages
- 11,223
See, Myrthos knows the truth about CM!! Now will you all believe me!! Read the team Corwin thread, or join our sessions and you'll quickly discover the truth for yourself!! 
Cm
Sentinel of Light
Bart is so right, and I love teasing with you for the same reason's. I know you will take it with a smile and the way it is intended.
Corwin on the other hand....
.....well you can all judge for yourselves. And Myrthos is correct, I am trying to be educational here. 
He would have been a good student of the barn I think........
Corwin on the other hand....
.....well you can all judge for yourselves. And Myrthos is correct, I am trying to be educational here. He would have been a good student of the barn I think........
Bartacus
BartWatch
Now off to the less serious posts again the Daily Smile was intended for:
I quote a person(Corwin) here at RPGWatch, cause it made me laugh:
When you get to my age, birthdays are depressing, but you can't remember why!!
I quote a person(Corwin) here at RPGWatch, cause it made me laugh:
When you get to my age, birthdays are depressing, but you can't remember why!!
lostnumber
Watchdog
Mr. Bartacus, I like your jokes but your avatar really creeps me out, what is it?
Bartacus
BartWatch
It's a smiling goat where a text fits like "I want a kiss". In real life, I'm as desperate as the goat, but I look a lot better -> 27 and never had a relation with a girl (no, I'm effinately not gay -> You can see this when a woman passes by: leg/ass fan)
Btw my previous avatar was Clint Eastwood from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.
Btw my previous avatar was Clint Eastwood from The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.
Cm
Sentinel of Light
MAN OF THE HOUSE:
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "YOU CAN BE THE
MAN OF YOUR HOUSE".
"He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
"You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
"After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with m e and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
"Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands.
"Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The wife replied, "The #&#%ING funeral director would be my first guess."
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "YOU CAN BE THE
MAN OF YOUR HOUSE".
"He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.
"You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
"After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with m e and we will have the kind of sex that I want.
"Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands.
"Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The wife replied, "The #&#%ING funeral director would be my first guess."
magerette
Hedgewitch
- Joined
- October 18, 2006
- Messages
- 7,834
Time for another round of Blonde Jokes :
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed , then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde" "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" - "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
DOESN'T GET ANY BLONDER!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
:CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed , then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde" "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" - "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
DOESN'T GET ANY BLONDER!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"
- Joined
- Oct 18, 2006
- Messages
- 7,834
Cm
Sentinel of Light
To all you OWLS
(Older Wiser Laughing Souls)
Wisdom from Grandpa ...
Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.
Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt that he forgets his sugar.
Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.
When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.
On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.
A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin' and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna "work"."
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
You know you are getting old, when everything either dries up or leaks.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
Have a GREAT day.......and keep Laughing!
It's good for the soul.
And remember my motto;
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
Safely in an attractive and well preserved body.
But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand,
Diet Coke in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming
"WOO HOO what a ride!"
Have a wonderful day!
(Older Wiser Laughing Souls)
Wisdom from Grandpa ...
Whether a man winds up with a nest egg, or a goose egg, depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.
Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt that he forgets his sugar.
Too many couples marry for better, or for worse, but not for good.
When a man marries a woman, they become one; but the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
If a man has enough horse sense to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never turn into an old nag.
On anniversaries, the wise husband always forgets the past - but never the present.
A foolish husband says to his wife, "Honey, you stick to the washin', ironin', cookin' and scrubbin'. No wife of mine is gonna "work"."
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders.
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?
You know you are getting old, when everything either dries up or leaks.
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
Have a GREAT day.......and keep Laughing!
It's good for the soul.
And remember my motto;
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
Safely in an attractive and well preserved body.
But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand,
Diet Coke in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming
"WOO HOO what a ride!"
Have a wonderful day!
Cm
Sentinel of Light
I believe Bart posted this for us at the old homestead.
FINALLY, THE BLOND JOKE TO END ALL BLOND JOKES...
A blond called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The Blondie said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.
She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............",
he sighed,................................................................
Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."
_________________
FINALLY, THE BLOND JOKE TO END ALL BLOND JOKES...
A blond called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The Blondie said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.
She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............",
he sighed,................................................................
Let's put all these frosted flakes back in the box."
_________________
I remember that one; it had to be explained, cause for all us non-americans, frosted flakes and tigers made no sense!!!!
