Relationship status

Well, if you are starving it is tough to be happy of course.

But I've said this in another thread, and I will just say it here as well. In a modern society or big city, money might be a requirement for a lot of people for happiness. But often when they do studies about mental health and happiness, they found that travelling tribes often have a high happiness rating and low mental health issue.

These people have a different freedom compared to people bound by monetary wealth, and it is often easier for them to be happy with this freedom and companions instead.

I know of quite a lot of examples ( of course them being examples of my personal experience, they are in no way representative of a majority in any way, but still they server as examples of what I meant )

1. But I've also seen a lot of examples of things going the other way, for example a rich family with a nice house and several children living in Sweden, the woman felt her life was boring and left to live with a poor Icelandic horse farmer, and they went out riding over the Icelandic steppe together.. finally she found true happiness, and it had nothing to do with money.

2. A poor Chinese couple that worked very hard, what kept them working with very low salary and a poor home, is the love for each other. Both had richer suitors and possibility to live in higher financial standard, but they were happy in spite of very little money because they love each other.

Anyhow people are different so I am sure for some to have a happy relationship money is very important, while other are happy with very little money as long as they can be with someone they really love.

GothicGothicness said:

Well, if you are starving it is tough to be happy of course.

But I've said this in another thread, and I will just say it here as well. In a modern society or big city, money might be a requirement for a lot of people for happiness. But often when they do studies about mental health and happiness, they found that travelling tribes often have a high happiness rating and low mental health issue.

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I'm not arguing there, but that has little relevance for most of the people we're talking about... people who have stresful working hours and who are living in societies where a lot of emotional needs have to be compensated with money. That's just the way it is, sadly.

These people have a different freedom compared to people bound by monetary wealth, and it is often easier for them to be happy with this freedom and companions instead.

I know of quite a lot of examples ( of course them being examples of my personal experience, they are in no way representative of a majority in any way, but still they server as examples of what I meant )

1. But I've also seen a lot of examples of things going the other way, for example a rich family with a nice house and several children living in Sweden, the woman felt her life was boring and left to live with a poor Icelandic horse farmer, and they went out riding over the Icelandic steppe together.. finally she found true happiness, and it had nothing to do with money.

2. A poor Chinese couple that worked very hard, what kept them working with very low salary and a poor home, is the love for each other. Both had richer suitors and possibility to live in higher financial standard, but they were happy in spite of very little money because they love each other.

Anyhow people are different so I am sure for some to have a happy relationship money is very important, while other are happy with very little money as long as they can be with someone they really love.

Click to expand...

I haven't experienced financial dire straits first hand, but I'd say chronic illness is a good analogy. I have schizophrenia, my gf has chronic depression. I'd say our illness makes our relationship harder, not better. Because oftentimes you have to lift someone else's spirits even though you aren't feel too well yourself. On the other hand, our relationship is very tight as we also depend on each other quite a bit. So I'm aware that part of the attachment I feel for my gf might also be dependency. Being poor can have the very same effect.

Wow, people are ready to debate anything at a moments notice.

I'll agree that the truth is somewhere in the middle. Money is not the sole fix or problem for a marriage. Celebrities with a lot of money routinely get married and divorced, proving money can't force a marriage to success. On the other side, couples argue most when there isn't enough money to pay the bills (I'm not going to look for a source right now.). And there are exceptions at both ends of the spectrum.

I read about a longitudinal study, measuring marriage satisfaction and the result was almost an upside-down bell curve. The first five years increase in satisfaction, then it nose dives for 20 years where is reaches it's lowest point. Then over the next 20 years it finally gets back to where it started. That kind of follows what an old man told me when I got married. He said that the trick was getting through the first 50 years. After that marriage is great.

My point is that I think most people aren't prepared to remain married after the passion fades. They think it always needs to feel like the honeymoon. Not having enough money doesn't help.

All I see is lots of broken marriages and children without fathers. Worst is the few years after birth, that is the time when its highest chance that parents will brake.

I took this consciously when my own was born, I fought my battles with his mother and always kept in my mind that winning was not the target but keeping us together. In my own childhood I never had father really, I will not accept it to my own child.

Through the all hardship I managed it and its now almost 2 years. Worst is almost over. It payed off, things are better than ever.

zakhal said:

All I see is lots of broken marriages and children without fathers. Worst is the few years after birth, that is the time when its highest chance that parents will brake.

I took this consciously when my own was born, I fought my battles with his mother and always kept in my mind that winning was not the target but keeping us together. In my own childhood I never had father really, I will not accept it to my own child.

Through the all hardship I managed it and its now almost 2 years. Worst is almost over. It payed off, things are better than ever.

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As a new father, I was surprised how hard is it to bring up a child! All those sleepless nights can get to to you and I have to admit that it leads to some arguments with the wife I would never have had otherwise. Its hard work so I can understand why some couple breaks up but like you I too keep it in my mind that its not about winning arguments etc.

There is a guy at work from Eritrea and he has 5 children whom were all born in his native country. He tells me that he never had to wake up at night to feed any of his children since the extended family all lived close (in some cases in the same house) so there were plenty of aunts and grand mothers to look after the babies at night!

Married my puppy love 5 years ago, we are together for 21 years now. Best thing that ever happened in my life.

Married since 2013 to a woman I met in 1999. We just had our first kid, and I can see how this is one of the big stress tests of a relationship (together with moving in together). So far we seem to be doing fine.

EDIT: Regarding the money debate: money is definitely not the main determinant of happiness, but all other things equal it is better to have money than to not have any. Money gives certain types of options and freedom. Of course the actual making of money requires one to give up other options and freedoms.