Return of the Daily Smile

Seems like a very reasonable list to me!!

Well, at least the "Nearly Frozen Gnat's Urine" assessment...and the American cars, but not even the priviledge of understanding British humor would get me to embrace traffic roundabouts.

Jaz said:

Joke:
Patient: "Doctor, I have diarrhoea. Can I take a bath with this?"
Doctor: "If it's enough to fill a tub..."

Click to expand...

Oh sweet baby jesus the HORROR! My math teacher (very strict and weird fellow) once made this joke, and it actually gave me nightmares ... I won't get into detail for the sake of what you ate today. I know I'm on the brink of losing it ...

And the point to where I was getting at: -20 alignment for you, Jaz!

PS : ALSO, I was just going to take a bath. Thanks to you, I'm going to be smell bad for another 2 hours until my stomach settles. *whips* another -20 !

Muahahahahahaha! I am E-V-I-L !

One for the start of the work week for those who must still endure!! It might translate to school as well.

Slap Your Co-Worker Day is Coming!!


Tomorrow is the official Slap Your Irritating Co-workers Holiday :

Do you have a co-worker who talks nonstop about nothing, working your last nerve with tedious and boring details that you don't give a damn about?

Do you have a co-worker who ALWAYS screws up stuff creating MORE work for you? Do you have a co-worker who kisses so much booty, you can look in their mouth and see what your boss had for lunch?

Do you have a co-worker who is SOOO obnoxious,when he/she enters a room, everyone else clears it?

Well, on behalf of IkeTurner, I am so very very glad to officially announce tomorrow as:

SLAP YOUR IRRITATING CO-WORKER DAY!

There are the rules you must follow:

* You can only slap one person per hour - no more.
* You can slap the same person again if they irritate you again in the same day.
* You are allowed to hold someone down as other co-workers take their turns slapping the irritant.
* No weapons are allowed...other than going upside somebody's head with a stapler or a hole-puncher.
* CURSING IS MANDATORY! After you have slapped the recipient, your"assault" must be followed with something like "cause I'm sick of your stupid-a$$ always messing up stuff!"
* If questioned by a supervisor or police, (if the supervisor is the irritant), you are allowed to LIE, LIE, LIE!

Now, study the rules, break out your list of folks that you want to slap the living day lights out of and get to slapping.....and have a GREAT DAY!

*PS I take no responsibility for injuries to you should you find out YOU are the one irritating the whole world. This holiday may not be honored in all states and provinces so you may want to post advance copies of it and the rules to prevent lawsuits. *

Bartacus said:

Corwin there are 150 different kinds of beer in Belgium and I'm talking about a real difference. And yeah I know Fosters and 'Bitte ein Bit'. It's not because you've tasted one beer that you got them all, neither in Belgium, nor in the USA.
Your last sentence says it all -> If you like that Heineken pee, well, you can't possibly know what beer is. If you mean there's another Dutch beer you've tasted and liked, it can be ok. The problem with the Belgian beer is that we're not nearly as good as our neighbours at marketing.

also a joke (it's a translated one):

A 60y old woman stands just before bedtime in front of the mirror. She sees many rimples and weak skin, her breasts practicly on her belly and that she has a huge ass. She turns around to her husband and speaks: "I'm feeling very old. Please say something positive about me, so I'll feel better."
The husband looks at her and thinks for a few seconds. Then he answers: "Your eyesight is still very good!"

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This joke is DEFINITELY about CM!!

No, I wasn't referring to the big H when mentioning Dutch beer. I've toured that brewery though!! Stella is an acceptable drink, though overpriced!!

Imagine a long line of the nasty smilies in this area all aimed at Corwin.

Ah, isn't it great to be appreciated!!

And now for something completely different.

The opening of Lady in the Water.
It's not funny or anything, but it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

I'm sure there's a joke here somewhere...

Humans! A warning about a relatively new plague that sweeps our dear Earth.

A monk defends his cloister against raging barbarians. Be warned, though, it contains quite a bit of violence and bad language (in the theme song, so you can turn off music - but you'd miss a good part of the humorous effect of it along with it).

EDIT: I hate it when I kill a thread, even for a few days >.<

Cuteness attaaaaack!

ZOMG Zufall! #285

This is one for us, engineers:

An engineer and a programmer
A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.

The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.

The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."

Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.

The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"

This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.

The programmer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the programmer.

Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the programmer "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?"

The programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers--all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $100. The engineer politely takes the $100 and turns away to try to get back to sleep. The programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the engineer and asks "Well, so what's the answer?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the programmer $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.

Ok someone tell me how the gopher does it!

The Magic Gopher!

It's called mathematics, CM.

Nah, it's magic, I'm sure of it!

That's scary! I too would like to know what x-files-type government experiment has produced telepathic gophers.

The Gopher got it wrong for me!!

Try again Corwin, you have to do all the math hun and I know that may be hard at your age. Or stop drinking all those beers.

Neither I, nor my calculator, have ever been known to make a mathematical error!!