Return of the Daily Smile

That comic speaks the truth thanks for sharing Corwin.

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Please don't drink and derive.

Yeah, and if we got a row of (sinusoidally walking) drunks it might be series.

pibbur who really is ashamed about this, but it was the best (or least bad) followup he could think of.

Groan!!!

Originally Posted by Hurls
Groan!!!

Indeed.

pibur who is still ashamed.

OK, maybe a better joke:

A patient went to see his doctor. The doctor prescribed suppositories for his condition. The patient came back for a follow-up, and the doctor asked him how things were going. Patient: "Those pills? I might as well have put them up my a**"

pibbur who just discovered that he's passed 1100 messages without noticing.

Groan!

Originally Posted by ilm
Groan!

Ok. No more attempts at jokes from me.

pibbur who now is at 1113

I forgive you. Do you have jokes on people living in San Antonio ? I'll settle for anything making fun of Americans

There's some pretty good ones here.

Texas jokes

Yes, those were good. I just need to translate them, change some of the geography, and I will have a list of really good jokes about the Swedes. Tack så mycket.

But one question: Is it true that TX can leave the union?

And that thing about bumper stickers must be true. The cab driver who took us from the airport to our hotel described in detail three stickers he would get. He was actually quite a funny guy..

pibbur who still haven't met anyone even slightly looking like JDR's avatar.

haha. Yes, they threaten to leave every so often, we all cross our fingers, but then they realize they get more money from the federal government than they supply in taxes, so they change their mind. Darn. Plus, that would also require their state government to actually govern, rather than meet for beer.

Heh, it reminds me:

In Norway we have 3 levels of government:

The state
The counties of which there are 19
The municipalities, around 500

I live in Hordaland county, and I know one of the members of the county government. They have meetings only a couple of times each year, usually during a weekend. She complained that some of the representatives weren't exactly fit for voting on sunday, most of them from a protest party advocating a very liberal alcohol policy. This was some years ago, it probably isn't as bad today, as said party have become more established and mature (still on the opposite scale of my political views).

pibbur who found this just a little bit funny.

Oh yes, each state can be different here, but most have this hierarchy federal > state > county (or township) > city (for incorporated areas). Differences abound. For example, in Hawaii there is a state government, and the islands have their own "county" governance. Kaua'i has mayor and a local council. No separate city governments for the towns of Lihue or Po'ipu, for example. Some islands are privately owned. Not sure how local government if any exists there. There's just an advising council on Lanai, I think.

English isn't always easy for us non-natives. Here's a list of … interesting Englishish phrases:

• In a SAS-plane:«Do not put foreign bodies into the lavatory»
• Sign in Schwarzwald, Germany:«It is strictly forbidden on our black forrest camping site that people of different sex, for instance men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for this purpose»
• Tokyo:«Dirty Water Punishment Place»
• Beijing:«Haircuts half price today. Only one per customer»
• German beach:«No boots allowed on the bitch»
• Japanese bar:«Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts»
• Hotel in London: «All fire extinguishers must be examined at least five days before any fire»
• Chinese menu: «Cold shredded children and sea blubber in spicy sauce»
• Japanese hotel room:«Guests are requested not to smoke or do other disgusting behaviours in bed»
• Business letter when "Götabanken" changed its name to "Gota Bank":«Dear friends, we are the same guys as before, although we have lost our pricks.»
• Norwegian Prime Minister after a service in Brasil: «Thank you for the mess»
• Newly appointed Danish minister: «I am in the beginning of my period»
• From a meeting in the European Commission:«The chairman called the meeting to order and asked if there were any matters to discuss under the table»
• Sign outside a Spanish travel agency: «Go away»
• Sign outside a temple in Bangkok: «It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man»
• Sign at a hotel in Athens: «Visitors are expected to complain at the office between 9 and 11 daily»
• Sign in a Japanese Zoo: «Children found straying will be taken to the lion house»
• Sign at a hotel in Qatar: «Please do not use the lift when it is not working»
• Sign at a Mexican disco: «Members and non-members only»
• On the plastic wrapping of a surfboard for children:«Danger! Public must note, to kill babies, insert them head into bag. Carefully! Thank you.»
• Female Norwegian football player:I tried to screw the ball in the goal
• Swedish businessman:«I am a man who likes to have my balls in the air.»
• Exhausted female Swedish football player:«I just want to lie down on the coach»
• Norwegian TV-host to an American guest who complained about the slippery winter roads:«But didn't you have pigs in your decks?»
• French-Canadian politician: «I thank you for giving my wife and me the clap. I thank you from the heart of my bottom.»
• From a ferry in Puerto Rico:«In case of emergency, the lifeguard are under the seat.»
• A Norwegian got into a London taxi. He was short on cash, and asked: «Do you take VISA? I'm black, you see.» (norw. "blakk"= out of money). When he realized the black driver, he desperately tried to save the day: «You see, in Norway we call poor people black.»
• Another Norwegian got into a London Taxi on the right-hand side. Astonished at finding the driver inside, he commented: «Excuse me, but in my country the rat is on the other side.» (norw. "ratt"= Steering wheel).
• Danish airline:«We take your bags and send them in all directions.»
• Swedish driver in England:«Excuse me, what is the fart limit?» (swedish "fart"= speed)
• A Scandinavian au pair in the USA: The father in the house: «Do you want to use the rest room before we drive cross State?» Au pair: «No, I can do it in the car"

I have to admit for some of these examples it's not entirely clear what they intended to write.

The list is compiled by Stewart Clark, and you can find more of this on this website: http://www.englishmatters.no/broken_english.htm

pibbur who probably has provided broken English phrases several times, but thinks that's ok since he usually tries (desperately) to be funny.

Some of those are hysterical!!

Warning! Do not drink or eat while viewing the following thread. It gets really good halfway through.

The Search for the Ugliest Inquisitor, Show us yours!

Originally Posted by Thrasher
Warning! Do not drink or eat while viewing the following thread. It gets really good halfway through.

The Search for the Ugliest Inquisitor, Show us yours!

Nothing that troubles a doctor-has-been in there.

pibbur who during his days at med school had no problem eating after spending time in the autopsy lab.

You are still in San Antonio ? Seems PAX South is happening there now. Worth a visit ?

Of what does sea blubber consuist, I wonder ?
With what things are these bubbles filled ?