You are probably an NPC if…

We all know the weird and annoying things NPCs do, so lets do a "You are probably an X if…" thread!

Ill begin:

You are probably an NPC if you are a dirt poor farmer, but when you give 1000 gold in reward for people that find your lost chicken (which was lost in a dungeon of course).

You are probably an ( none important ) NPC if you have a generic voice and generic clothes.

… if you have a cellar infested with rats you can't dispose of yourself.
… if you took an arrow to the knee.
… if you stand around at the same spot, immobile, day and night, rain or sunshine.
… if you will happily buy your own stuff, stolen from under your very nose, back.

You are probably an even less (?) important NPC if your voices changes significantly during your talk. Except maybe, if you are a 13 year old boy.

pibbur who wants to go to sleep at night, and not remain in his shop (which has no customers anyhow) every hour of the day.

… if you blindly trust a stranger with all your secrets and personal information.

..if you have no desire to kill everything that moves

…if breaking barrels and crates doesn't turn you on

…you don't have two cents to your name but have 3 magical items inside your closet

…are female but are walking around butt naked everywhere even in sub-zero weather

…are a merchant that has had 5,000,000 pass through his hands and still only has 500 gold to buy with

…if you keep losing things in dungeons.
…if you are a small town merchant with buying capital that would put Goldman Sachs to shame

Originally Posted by wiretripped
… if you have a cellar infested with rats you can't dispose of yourself.

thousand times this.

…you cellar door leads to an underground area that is 3000 times the size of your house.

… if you can't solve anything on your own and have to wait until a certain adventurer to stumble upon your way

… if you say the same things over and over again.

…if you get fed up answering one word impromptu questions like name? job? health?

…if you have a tight schedule which often gets interrupted by annoying prats rifling through your belongings.

…If you like to stand around with gigantic question marks hovering over your head.

… if you can somehow make the journey across the monster-haunted landscape between towns that the hero barely survived so you can bump into him again.

… if your shop, conveniently located in the biggest city in the world, sells as its most expensive items a cracked copper dagger and a dirty cloth cap.