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Default The nonsense thread

September 15th, 2015, 02:06
I've been thinking. My mother used to say all the time to my siblings and me, "I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it." But when a mother actually does it, everyone throws her right under the bus. No one ever asks, "I wonder what her kids did to deserve that?"

A father in one of the hillbilly states just killed his family and himself recently (allegedly). Everyone is asking, "How could he do such a thing?" Well, first off we can all assume the wife deserved it. Well, at least those of us with wives. Second off, my guess is after a hard week of work he was trying to just take a nice 10 minute shit in piece while reading Shogun again and without being bothered. Is that so much to ask for? Just 10 minutes in the bathroom without being assaulted by these little useless, bloodsucking, ungrateful cretins? 10 bleepity bleep minutes (sorry for the bleeps but I was informed swearing is not tolerated in these parts of the internet). He worked all week like a bleeping Hebrew on the pyramids with extreme pressure from every angle and all you did was go to school and learn ridiculous nonsense like circles and colors because you're a stupid little idiot child with no responsibilities and you seem to be too lazy to use the upstairs bathroom or wait 10 minutes for him to get out of the bathroom to ask your stupid nonsense question.

When looked at from that perspective its hard not to ask how he went so long without doing it, instead of how could he do it.

And no, I do not want to kill my children. I have spent way too much money on them and put up with too much nonsense from them to flush it all down the toilet on momentary gratification. As usually, I forgive but don't forget and when they least expect it I am going to embarrass them in front of their friends.

Hell, I've been thinking of streaking around their schools (in my underwear, but only underwear) which would have the dual benefit of embarrassing them and banning me from crap like plays, PTA meetings, parent teacher conferences, etc. Win-win for me. But, I am too chicken to actually do it. But I will get them. I have earned a peaceful poop damnit. They will pay. Oh, they will pay.
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September 15th, 2015, 02:33
Do you sit around and think of what the most outrages crap you can post is to get a reaction?

You couldn't be serious with all this BS?

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September 15th, 2015, 03:22


I don't even…
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September 15th, 2015, 04:42
Please seek psychiatric help immediately.

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September 15th, 2015, 05:26
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September 15th, 2015, 07:35
Originally Posted by sakichop View Post
Do you sit around and think of what the most outrages crap you can post is to get a reaction?

You couldn't be serious with all this BS?
I think we know the answer to that. It can be fun for a whike but not for long.

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September 15th, 2015, 08:19
Zzzzzzzzzzz
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September 15th, 2015, 08:43
Originally Posted by sakichop View Post
Do you sit around and think of what the most outrages crap you can post is to get a reaction?

You couldn't be serious with all this BS?
Not just. I have other talents too you know. Many, many talents. For instance I am an absolutely amazing farter. I don't want to sound like some big headed braggart but I mean I am really, really, really amazingly good at it. Not just quantity, but quality too. What constitutes a quality fart you ask? Well, its not just volume, but length and sound as well as smell. My sounds are very varied, but have very good bass and treble. The volume is definitely very loud. The length is extremely impressive. The smell is just awful. Completely and totally awful. You can literally taste some of them. I actually have to leave the room myself sometimes they smell so bad. And the quantity. Mother Christ - the quantity. There is so much.

I am so, so very good at it. I am almost certain if farting was an Olympic event I would be able to represent my country and take home at least the bronze.

Pooping is another skill I have mastered. Constipation? Not this guy. Not ever. I have the exact opposite problem. Every time I have to drop a deuce it is an extreme emergency resulting in a close call to didn't quite fully make it on time and guess I have to toss these underwears. It starts off as a massive explosion. Sometimes followed by a semi-solidish to complete liquid but always disgusting and always completely masterful excretion of awful. I don't use toilets - I destroy them (as only a true master pooper can).

I also have many other skills. Also thoughts. Some thoughts I keep to myself as I'm scarred of being made fun of if I share them. Such as is the moon really made of cheese? Who knows, but it is fun to think about. Also, why is boobs so good? That really was a good call on God's part to make them. They even feed babies along with their many other uses. What exactly is a labia? I don't think anyone is really certain what it is but it is also something that is fun to think about. And say. Labia. It just rolls of the tongue. I think scientists have discovered it is like a female prostate or something. Also, what exactly is a prostate and why do people want to stick their fingers in my butt because of it? Its weird. I used to think that I only had butt things and poop in my butt, but I also have a prostate in there and it wants to give me cancer and likely will unless doctors stick their fingers in my butt all the time to stop it from doing so.

Well, I hope this has answered your question. As you can see I have quite a diverse skillset and complex thought process that ponders the undiscovered scientific questions of our time.
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September 15th, 2015, 08:45
Sometimes it feels like my family waits for me to sit down before asking me to do something.
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September 15th, 2015, 09:04
I was holding my farts all day at work because I didn't want the pretty nurses that work there to know what terribleness lay hidden, deep in my butt. When I was finally in the elevator of the parking structure, alone, I let loose the beast and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Then the elevator stopped before my floor. The doors opened to reveal a very attractive young woman. She made eye contact, and liking what she saw, she gave me the smile. In the span of a half of a second, I spent years, a lifetime maybe, thinking of a way to tell her not to get in the elevator, lest her nose be destroyed. I couldn't think of anything. As she stepped in, I bolted out. The doors closed. I took the stairs, assuming that she did live to see the next floor.
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September 15th, 2015, 09:46
I'm sorry to hear about this awful fart related incident. It may have been a better idea to have tackled her outside the elevator. Just as women like to pretend they are sane and have a nice disposition until the wedding ring is on their finger, we men have to pretend we are listening and hide the horrors that are in our bowels from the fairer sex until the ring is on their finger.
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September 15th, 2015, 12:22
What baffles me is that part about Hebrews working on the pyramids…weren't they constructed by Aliens, using cheap, immigrant labor force?
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September 15th, 2015, 13:12
Originally Posted by sakichop View Post
Do you sit around and think of what the most outrages crap you can post is to get a reaction?
One thing, based on the post we can determine with some certainty WHERE he was sitting thinking of this …
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September 15th, 2015, 16:02
posting in a legendary thread

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September 15th, 2015, 18:15
In B4 the…

Oh, no… wait…

We don't do this bullshit, do we?
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September 15th, 2015, 18:23
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September 15th, 2015, 18:28
Seeing as this thread has no purpose anyway….
Jaz who/what is your avatar picture?
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September 15th, 2015, 18:45
Originally Posted by Unrestigered View Post
Not just. I have other talents too you know. Many, many talents. For instance I am an absolutely amazing farter. I don't want to sound like some big headed braggart but I mean I am really, really, really amazingly good at it. Not just quantity, but quality too. What constitutes a quality fart you ask? Well, its not just volume, but length and sound as well as smell. My sounds are very varied, but have very good bass and treble. The volume is definitely very loud. The length is extremely impressive. The smell is just awful. Completely and totally awful. You can literally taste some of them. I actually have to leave the room myself sometimes they smell so bad. And the quantity. Mother Christ - the quantity. There is so much.

I am so, so very good at it. I am almost certain if farting was an Olympic event I would be able to represent my country and take home at least the bronze.

Pooping is another skill I have mastered. Constipation? Not this guy. Not ever. I have the exact opposite problem. Every time I have to drop a deuce it is an extreme emergency resulting in a close call to didn't quite fully make it on time and guess I have to toss these underwears. It starts off as a massive explosion. Sometimes followed by a semi-solidish to complete liquid but always disgusting and always completely masterful excretion of awful. I don't use toilets - I destroy them (as only a true master pooper can).

I also have many other skills. Also thoughts. Some thoughts I keep to myself as I'm scarred of being made fun of if I share them. Such as is the moon really made of cheese? Who knows, but it is fun to think about. Also, why is boobs so good? That really was a good call on God's part to make them. They even feed babies along with their many other uses. What exactly is a labia? I don't think anyone is really certain what it is but it is also something that is fun to think about. And say. Labia. It just rolls of the tongue. I think scientists have discovered it is like a female prostate or something. Also, what exactly is a prostate and why do people want to stick their fingers in my butt because of it? Its weird. I used to think that I only had butt things and poop in my butt, but I also have a prostate in there and it wants to give me cancer and likely will unless doctors stick their fingers in my butt all the time to stop it from doing so.

Well, I hope this has answered your question. As you can see I have quite a diverse skillset and complex thought process that ponders the undiscovered scientific questions of our time.
Ok, thanks. That's tells me all I need to know.

Originally Posted by Wisdom View Post
Seeing as this thread has no purpose anyway….
Jaz who/what is your avatar picture?
Please let's stay on topic, Wisdom.

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September 15th, 2015, 18:48
Let's put it in the Controversy Pit before it starts attracting other things from the Undercity.
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September 16th, 2015, 02:14
Let's not and pretend we did; the cesspool, er I mean the P&R forum is for SERIOUS discussions about controversial issues!!
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