I am completely devastated, I dont know if I can try anymore.

Please get outside help ASAP. Your friends or other family members or even support workers. Having someone to talk to helps a lot and might even get valuable help. Don't be alone, thats the worse thing you can do.

Originally Posted by lostforever
Please get outside help ASAP. Your friends or other family members or even support workers. Having someone to talk to helps a lot and might even get valuable help. Don't be alone, thats the worse thing you can do.

This, yes. As they say on any call to the clinic "if this is an emergency, please hangup and dial 911". I'm not saying call 911, but talk to your doctor about recommending help or your family's minister for any counseling. They deal with this all the time. Ultimately, we here are all just strangers on the internet.

Originally Posted by Damian
"why not just be on welfare for the rest of your life?".

Actually, I'm kind of that right now. Well, not exactly.
It turned out that the foirm carrying out my professional rehabilitation is a nice one, a charity firm or how one could call it, and it belongs to the Caritas, the charity organisation from the christian catholic church.
My Rehab ends this month, and I'm planning to stay there. As a real employee. There is a good number of people who did a rehab there because of mental or body handicaps, and became employees. It won't ever be a "real job", but I know what I can do there, people know me and I know them, and so far life is good. Plus, I still need to re-learn a few things, but they are *far* more competent in helping people than in *real* firms. Because they are *trained* there. In Psychology, for example. I'm kind of lucky there, and I know it.

I always find it a pity that there aren't charity organizations like the Caritas in some other countries to help handicapped people getting back to work. This should be a top priority in countries : Help those who can't help themselves.

Alrik!!!!!!

or is that an hacked account *suspicious*

No, it's me again; I couldn't log in for a lot of months (after not wanting to by free will) because of some … well, login problems. Seems to be solved by now. (*still suspicious*)

Oh hi, welcome back!

Thanks.

I wish you and your family the best. Those feelings of thinking "what's the point?" are very real, and very intense. I can tell you from experience, there's always light somewhere. I've been dealing with some monumental issues this past year myself, but it led to me discovering some life changing steps that helped me find peace and happiness:

1) Let go of the things I can't control.
2) Work hard at the things I can control.
3) Identify every positive thing you come across on a daily basis, no matter how small, and give thanks for it (to whomever, be it God, Mother Nature, Karma, Others, Luck, etc).

The 3rd being the most important. It sounds lame just reading it, but it's so powerful. Just in case it helps you, or anyone else.

Originally Posted by Caddy
I wish you and your family the best. Those feelings of thinking "what's the point?" are very real, and very intense. I can tell you from experience, there's always light somewhere. I've been dealing with some monumental issues this past year myself, but it led to me discovering some life changing steps that helped me find peace and happiness:

1) Let go of the things I can't control.
2) Work hard at the things I can control.
3) Identify every positive thing you come across on a daily basis, no matter how small, and give thanks for it (to whomever, be it God, Mother Nature, Karma, Others, Luck, etc).

The 3rd being the most important. It sounds lame just reading it, but it's so powerful. Just in case it helps you, or anyone else.

Thank you. The third point has been stressed to me growing up by many people, but i just find it hard to do it. How did you start and how did you maintain it?

Originally Posted by Damian
Thank you. The third point has been stressed to me growing up by many people, but i just find it hard to do it. How did you start and how did you maintain it?

Sometimes the simple things can be the hardest to do. But if they weren't hard, they wouldn't be worth it.

You start out with really small silly things (or silly seeming at least). Thanks for finding a penny on a sidewalk. Walking by a bird that doesn't quite run away from you as you pass it. Stepping outside and noticing that it isn't raining. Someone opened the door for you. Someone waves you through the stop sign, when you both got to the intersection at the same time. The egg that you didn't over hardboil this time. Not having a stiff neck one morning when you wake up. That 7-11 now has blue slurpees. Every single little relatively "stupid" thing that you wouldn't normally associate with happiness. After that becomes a habit, strange things start to happen. You start being thankful that it's sunny one day, then then next day it rains and your thankful because it hasn't rained in a while, and you decide you like the noise of it. Then you start being thankful you didn't find a penny on the sidewalk, because maybe someone else found it who needed it more. Or you're happy the egg you cooked turned out bad, because it made you discover a new recipe because you were out of eggs. Having a stiff neck in the morning, because it means you get to try that massage you wanted. Eventually, new neural pathways are created in your brain, and your body "learns" to be happy and grateful. Your body finds strange, interesting and abstract ways to heal itself emotionally. Eventually you find yourself giving thanks that the loved ones close to you didn't leave you sooner and suddenly, giving you the memories, experiences and opportunities you have now. The hardest part about maintaining the routine, is doing it when you are happy. After all, who seeks peace during peace?

I'll take that on board.

Originally Posted by Caddy
Sometimes the simple things can be the hardest to do. But if they weren't hard, they wouldn't be worth it.

You start out with really small silly things (or silly seeming at least). Thanks for finding a penny on a sidewalk. Walking by a bird that doesn't quite run away from you as you pass it. Stepping outside and noticing that it isn't raining. Someone opened the door for you. Someone waves you through the stop sign, when you both got to the intersection at the same time. The egg that you didn't over hardboil this time. Not having a stiff neck one morning when you wake up. That 7-11 now has blue slurpees. Every single little relatively "stupid" thing that you wouldn't normally associate with happiness. After that becomes a habit, strange things start to happen. You start being thankful that it's sunny one day, then then next day it rains and your thankful because it hasn't rained in a while, and you decide you like the noise of it. Then you start being thankful you didn't find a penny on the sidewalk, because maybe someone else found it who needed it more. Or you're happy the egg you cooked turned out bad, because it made you discover a new recipe because you were out of eggs. Having a stiff neck in the morning, because it means you get to try that massage you wanted. Eventually, new neural pathways are created in your brain, and your body "learns" to be happy and grateful. Your body finds strange, interesting and abstract ways to heal itself emotionally. Eventually you find yourself giving thanks that the loved ones close to you didn't leave you sooner and suddenly, giving you the memories, experiences and opportunities you have now. The hardest part about maintaining the routine, is doing it when you are happy. After all, who seeks peace during peace?

That's nothing but beautiful. I was there coffee cup in hand.

Many thanks.

__

Originally Posted by Caddy
Sometimes the simple things can be the hardest to do. But if they weren't hard, they wouldn't be worth it.

You start out with really small silly things (or silly seeming at least).
[…]
The hardest part about maintaining the routine, is doing it when you are happy. After all, who seeks peace during peace?

The small 'silly' things, yes, indeed! To me it is the noticing that enriches my life; putting the spotlight on the small and seemingly ordinary that I used to ignore in my daily routines changes it into remarkable and special. Instead of one block of boring grey there is colour throughout every day.

@Damian
Have you tried going for a bush walk? It can be quite good for you to get back in touch with nature and just chillax.

Originally Posted by Silver
@Damian
Have you tried going for a bush walk? It can be quite good for you to get back in touch with nature and just chillax.

I have tried but everytime I have went too fast as a group, couldn't really enjoy it in that sense.

Originally Posted by Damian
I have tried but everytime I have went too fast as a group, couldn't really enjoy it in that sense.

Just go by yourself. Set your own pace.

Originally Posted by Caddy
1) Let go of the things I can't control.
2) Work hard at the things I can control.
3) Identify every positive thing you come across on a daily basis, no matter how small, and give thanks for it (to whomever, be it God, Mother Nature, Karma, Others, Luck, etc).

This sounds pretty close to the Serenity Prayer. I'm not a particularly religious man, but I've always thought the Serenity Prayer is excellent advice:

God grant me
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

If you can pull off those three things, you're well ahead of the game. The first, I think, is particularly important. So many people seem to agonize over how they think things ought to be. You have to learn to let go. The only things we truly have control over in this life are our own actions.

Eh, I'm not that keen on "Every flower is beautiful and so are you" hippy mantra…sometimes people simply lack discipline to get their life in order.
Know quite a few folks who entered service in military, and exited as very different individuals with more focus to achieve goals in life.
Perhaps you are overly critical of yourself, so why take action if you always see it end as failure?
Set smaller goals ahead and recognize what is required to achieve them, commit to it…you will develop more confidence and change your mindset that will help you succeed at larger, in the end.
You must have some interests…study class, martial arts, etc?

Originally Posted by BoboTheMighty
sometimes people simply lack discipline to get their life in order.

Sometimes, yes. A bit of self-restraining is indeed good.

However, in some cases people might fall out of discipline because they see nothing good in that, perhaps even in an nihilistic sense.

When I look back to my life, I can very clearly see my own personal "wrong turns" which make half of my life almost look like I had no discipline., In fact, I never learned some things, for example I was never encouraged by my parents to do what I was good at. I simply couldn't develop any self-confidence of any kind, except in writing. And even then I'm feeling so smnall when I go into bookshops being dominated by Game Of Thrones books. And they're BIG !

Without self-esteem, without self-confidence, it is likely to get thrown around, doing wrong decisions, getting wrong friends, just like a boat in the stormy sea. The wind takes you wherever he wind blows to, and you have not much of options available - especiually when no-one taucht you how to actually *sail* that boat, operate it.

Sorry, but I often write about the "dark sides" because it is what I have lived through, and (perhaps therefore) believe to be easily overlooked.

Everyone assumes a normal person behind the keyboard, or in an RL café - but in our HSP community there is a saying : "Normality is an illusion."

Everyone has some wounds, I personally believe - and it is imho important to teach people to become resilient, so that they can get themselves a more or less more life after all.

Yes, some self-discipline is good, but won't work with those who don't understand the benefits of it - or cannot understand it because their view/perceiving has been distorted due to some unknown (psychical) causes (traumata, for example).
Then, I think, it is of more importance to build the person up again, or, rather, help the person building herself or himself up again, and *then* teach them the benefits of some self-discipline.

So sorry to hear about all of this Damian - I've known about you mental health struggles, and obviously the health issues of your parents complicate that even more.

For me and my wife, as our kids are in college, we want them to not be focused on us, but rather focus on their life and future. I hope you can do so yourself - find a balance where you can be there for your parents while forging a future for yourself.