Hey lovelies. 
It's me, your friendly news poster, article scribbler and occasional barricade stormer. It's early in the morning, I slept like crap, and I'm right out of bed. In other words, the very, very best time to write. Let's do this, before I lose my nerve.
Imma lay it all down for you, if you're interested in hearing. I'm not normally this vocal with how I'm really feeling, because that makes you vulnerable, and being vulnerable in a public space is rarely a good idea. But with you, right now? I'm alright with it.
So many of you sent me the most amazing messages when I left. I still have to respond to them. The fact is, most of you are incredible people. I adore you. I really do.
"Friend" is such a loaded term with me. It implies a level of emotional commitment, trust, and vulnerability…a sort of step in a relationship out of someone's outermost layers of trust and into a closer orbit. I rarely use that term with people. But I'll use it here, now, since RPGWatch - collectively - has very much become my friend. A good friend, a close one. No matter what's going on, a friend is there if you need them, and whatever you feel about me right now on an individual level, if someone messages me and tells me the site needs me, I want to be there. That's what friends do. If any of you individually messaged me and said you needed someone, I'd be there too. It's likely that anyone doing that is someone I'd drop everything for. That's really how I feel. I know you'd do the same for me, most of you.
The truth is, I'm actually a really sensitive person. Like I told Elel the other day, I'm an INFP (introverted/feeling/perceiving)…the ultimate idealist. On top of that, I'm an empath. So it's hard for me to go through life and just not pay attention to the things people say or what they believe. And I don't think I should be asked to.
Last year was pretty horrible for me personally, to be honest. I don't like to gripe publicly so I haven't said much to a lot of you, but I've shared some things with Fluent and Myrthos and Couch…bits and pieces, here and there. In no particular order, it involved countless battles with SO many people (professionally and personally), treatment for depression, a major surgery, a hospital stay, my partner getting injured, and the deaths of four pets. It was an absolute bitch of a year and I'm so glad it's over. And of course, on top of all that (none of which I'd really like to go into…it was shitty and it's over now and you don't want all the grisly details and I don't really want to relive any of it), I was dedicating myself to the Watch pretty heavily in parts of it. Though not all of it, because I was off dealing with…whatever.
Sooo, no. I'm not a fickle person by nature, even if I was to you last year. I just needed to deal with stuff. And to be brutally honest, it was hard coming on here with the climate that existed at the time and…who wants to devote x number of hours a week to people that vocally express that they think you're less than them cognitively, genetically, whatever? Who likes being told that they don't deserve to be happy? Who likes being told they aren't allowed to have the basic things in life we all want? Security, safety, love? And who likes being publicly dragged through the mud by bullies? Definitely not me. I feel like I've fought hard and risked my life to have those things and if some douchenozzle wants to tell me I don't deserve it, I will happily kick him into his own grave, figuratively. And I will certainly not make sacrifices in my own life to make him (or her) happier in any way. Those people aren't worthy of my labors and endeavors - it was my partner that told me that last year, more than once.
But here I am. And I'm here now because - at the moment, knock on wood, a lot of the more toxic people have gone or remain lurking in the lower levels of the site's flooded, reeking depths. And yeah, I'm sorry…I can't sugarcoat that. Last year, the site had some truly evil people. I'm not the kind of person that can stay in the same room with evil people, especially not with all I had going on. So I was in and out.
Whew. That's a lot of text. I apologize.
Summary time! RPGWatch is cozier now, less toxic, cleaner, fresher. I can handle this. In my personal life, I'm still a little wobbly, but I'm working on a couple things to help out here and I hope you'll enjoy them.
Soo…yeah. I'm very much a real person. I'm actually that uncomfortable, touchy-feely person that likes to hang out IRL over coffee or lunch and talk about stuff…your terrifying paranormal experiences, your own life, whatever. And that's probably why I'm able to be real with you when I need to. So yeah. Sorry about the novel…I can't really think all that well right now.
But I keep coming back. And a lot of that is because most of you are the bee's knees, and I
you.
Onward! I have articles to write.
It's me, your friendly news poster, article scribbler and occasional barricade stormer. It's early in the morning, I slept like crap, and I'm right out of bed. In other words, the very, very best time to write. Let's do this, before I lose my nerve. Imma lay it all down for you, if you're interested in hearing. I'm not normally this vocal with how I'm really feeling, because that makes you vulnerable, and being vulnerable in a public space is rarely a good idea. But with you, right now? I'm alright with it.
So many of you sent me the most amazing messages when I left. I still have to respond to them. The fact is, most of you are incredible people. I adore you. I really do.
"Friend" is such a loaded term with me. It implies a level of emotional commitment, trust, and vulnerability…a sort of step in a relationship out of someone's outermost layers of trust and into a closer orbit. I rarely use that term with people. But I'll use it here, now, since RPGWatch - collectively - has very much become my friend. A good friend, a close one. No matter what's going on, a friend is there if you need them, and whatever you feel about me right now on an individual level, if someone messages me and tells me the site needs me, I want to be there. That's what friends do. If any of you individually messaged me and said you needed someone, I'd be there too. It's likely that anyone doing that is someone I'd drop everything for. That's really how I feel. I know you'd do the same for me, most of you.
The truth is, I'm actually a really sensitive person. Like I told Elel the other day, I'm an INFP (introverted/feeling/perceiving)…the ultimate idealist. On top of that, I'm an empath. So it's hard for me to go through life and just not pay attention to the things people say or what they believe. And I don't think I should be asked to.
Last year was pretty horrible for me personally, to be honest. I don't like to gripe publicly so I haven't said much to a lot of you, but I've shared some things with Fluent and Myrthos and Couch…bits and pieces, here and there. In no particular order, it involved countless battles with SO many people (professionally and personally), treatment for depression, a major surgery, a hospital stay, my partner getting injured, and the deaths of four pets. It was an absolute bitch of a year and I'm so glad it's over. And of course, on top of all that (none of which I'd really like to go into…it was shitty and it's over now and you don't want all the grisly details and I don't really want to relive any of it), I was dedicating myself to the Watch pretty heavily in parts of it. Though not all of it, because I was off dealing with…whatever.
Sooo, no. I'm not a fickle person by nature, even if I was to you last year. I just needed to deal with stuff. And to be brutally honest, it was hard coming on here with the climate that existed at the time and…who wants to devote x number of hours a week to people that vocally express that they think you're less than them cognitively, genetically, whatever? Who likes being told that they don't deserve to be happy? Who likes being told they aren't allowed to have the basic things in life we all want? Security, safety, love? And who likes being publicly dragged through the mud by bullies? Definitely not me. I feel like I've fought hard and risked my life to have those things and if some douchenozzle wants to tell me I don't deserve it, I will happily kick him into his own grave, figuratively. And I will certainly not make sacrifices in my own life to make him (or her) happier in any way. Those people aren't worthy of my labors and endeavors - it was my partner that told me that last year, more than once.
But here I am. And I'm here now because - at the moment, knock on wood, a lot of the more toxic people have gone or remain lurking in the lower levels of the site's flooded, reeking depths. And yeah, I'm sorry…I can't sugarcoat that. Last year, the site had some truly evil people. I'm not the kind of person that can stay in the same room with evil people, especially not with all I had going on. So I was in and out.
Whew. That's a lot of text. I apologize.
Summary time! RPGWatch is cozier now, less toxic, cleaner, fresher. I can handle this. In my personal life, I'm still a little wobbly, but I'm working on a couple things to help out here and I hope you'll enjoy them.
Soo…yeah. I'm very much a real person. I'm actually that uncomfortable, touchy-feely person that likes to hang out IRL over coffee or lunch and talk about stuff…your terrifying paranormal experiences, your own life, whatever. And that's probably why I'm able to be real with you when I need to. So yeah. Sorry about the novel…I can't really think all that well right now.
But I keep coming back. And a lot of that is because most of you are the bee's knees, and I
you. Onward! I have articles to write.
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