Of course there's a difference. You will probably grow more as a person from five different relationships than from one over 25 years. You will have a much lower chance of being in a happy relationship for 25 years. People who expect their relationships to last forever are most likely setting themselves up for disappointment.
Why would I grow more as a person and why would I want to grow more as a person - if that brings me misery time and time again?
I grow as a person whether I'm alone or with others. I always did. In fact, in terms of personal growth - I tend to grow more when I'm absolutely alone. But personal growth != happiness.
Wanting to stay with people has less to do with expectation - and more with desire and hope.
If you go into a relationship expecting it to end in a shorter time frame, then you're actively contributing to its end from the beginning.
Then again, if that's what makes you happy. I just hope you inform your partner that you don't want it to last forever.
To get back to MMO's, if you are only playing the 0-level cap with the expectation that the end-game is going to be amazing and the sole reason you're grinding your way to it, then in my opinion you are playing it wrong.
What sort of fantasy scenario is this?
I want the journey to give me something to show for it. There's no destination in the MMO genre. You just stop playing one day.
I simply don't want my time invested to disappear into a black hole. I want to have something worth remembering and that I can talk about with passion. I especially want something that's been shared with other people that we can all look back upon with pleasure.
Then stop putting "growing old with someone" forward as a main goal for your relationships. Everything ends some time. Enjoy the ride.
As I said, if that's the attitude going in - then you're contributing to its end. You have to commit, you have to trust, you have to be vulnerable, you have to invest - and so on.
Taking your advice would be like admitting defeat from the beginning. That's not a life for me - but then again, I grew up with parents who loved each other and never stopped.
Maybe that had an effect on me.
One part of that is people believe they need to be with someone to have a complete life and be happy. They break up, they are older now and now they think they will have a much harder time to find someone because of age. Let me ask you something, though. When is the point where you will have "grown old with somebody?" When you have reached that point, is that when you will finally be happy? What about the time that led to it, and even all the previous relationships you have had?
You mean people who can't get relationships to work tell themselves that they can be happy alone, don't you?
Anyway - it's not rocket science - and I'm surprised so many people have difficulty understanding something so basic.
It's about wanting to share your life with someone and to have someone to depend on, and someone who can depend on you. It's about sharing a lifetime of experiences and knowing that no matter what, they'll always be there for you. It's about security and the fulfillment of the most basic needs we have as human beings.
Love is one of the most vital and primal needs in human life.
If you can experience the deepest love by exchanging partners every few years - then you can experience a deeper love for your children by giving them away and getting new ones as well.
Nah, it doesn't work that way. Love is about more than that - and time spent together and the battles you survive together WILL matter and it will strengthen your love.
Obviously, you shouldn't stick with someone who's making you miserable - but that goes without saying.
The best time I've had with WoW was probably the mid-30 levels. Everything was still new and exciting and we were exploring dangerous areas. We were having fun. Only when people were hitting level-cap, they started complaining loudly. Why do people forget to have fun along the way?
Why do you think people forget the fun they had?
I didn't - and I enjoyed WoW for 3 years. That doesn't mean the game doesn't have flaws - or that it has evolved in the best possible way.
All games have flaws and all games can be better. I think that's something to strive for.
What about the five years from that previous relationship? Are they suddenly gone or worth less because 50% of the people there are not around anymore?
The years are worth less than if you had invested them in something that lasted. It's pretty simple.
If those 5 years had been invested in something that didn't bring heartache and misery - they'd be worth more.
It doesn't mean they're worthless.
Sure. And you shouldn't keep nurturing something that is toxic to you. That still does not mean that there are no good memories, shared experiences that made you grow as a person and other things that will stick around with you for the rest of your lives. Just don't commit to anything till death—or level cap—unless you are 100% sure that the whole ride is going to be something worth fighting for. However, nobody can predict the future.
That's why I'm not committing. I'm not the one playing shallow games because they're "fun" for a while. I'm exactly the same when it comes to relationships.
I only nurture when I believe in something - and I can't do shallow. That's not me.
But if I nurture something and I end up heartbroken, I'll grow from that. But I won't pretend it was the best investment of time. That would be stupid.
I never said it would not hurt like hell. However, you can't keep something alive when it's not working. If your MMO starts feeling like a drag at level 40, you have a choice to keep grinding at it or to cancel your subscription. If you cancel your subscription, those 40 levels still should have been a fun experience.
Again, they can be a fun experience - but the time would have been better spent invested in something that gave you something to show for it.
It's not about time spent playing a bad game versus nothing. It's about time spent playing a bad game versus all the other opportunities to spend your time.
Obviously, it's a lot easier to keep grinding your way to level cap or to cancel your subscription than it is to stay in a dysfunctional relationship or breaking up.
I should hope so