Return of the Daily Smile

dteowner said:

You should have seen our 8 pound Peke go after a German Sheppard police dog about a decade ago. Andy barreled a good 50 yards to even get to the fight (watching a peke run full out is a bit funny). Even standing up, he couldn't reach to do any damage. The Sheppard stood there looking down, probably debating whether to try eating Andy in one bite or two, but was too well trained to actually do anything. I blame Mrs dte for always telling him he's a big doggie--I think he believes it.

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LOTS of humorous images in my mind from that one. Great.

Based on the compression thread, I did a couple of searches on the web/wikipedia.

Under the chapter "Entropy encoding", I found a link to a book: Information Theory, Inference, and Learning Algorithms by David Mackay. Now, where's the fun?

Near the bottom of the page, you will find this link:How does it compare with Harry Potter?, which contains a thorough comparison between this book and the first in the Harry Potter series. The conclusion is:

"In conclusion, we can give a cautious recommendation of Harry Potter only to speakers of Welsh and Latin; for everyone else, we recommend Information Theory, Inference, and Learning Algorithms. "

Geek humour, as good as it gets.

A winner from Bob and Tom this morning:

It used to be that you had to have your taxes paid by April 15th. Now, you can wait until your cabinet nomination arrives.

Heh. Good one - I like 1-2 liners.

Here's one I heard from a stand-up comedian: "When George W. Bush invaded Iraq, little did he know...".

Obviously I also like left-wing humour.

Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 15 races, I've won 8 of them!"

Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 19!!"

"Oh that's good, but in the last 36 races, I've won 28!", says another, flicking his tail.

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 90 races, I've won 88 of them!"

The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

But... but... Gaspode is not a greyhound!

A WOMAN'S WEEK AT THE GYM

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.
Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.
My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
________________________________
MONDAY:
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white
smile. Woo Hoo!!

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring!
Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit- ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!
________________________________
TUESDAY:
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.
I feel GREAT! It's a whole new life for me.
_______________________________
WEDNESDAY:
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it.
I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop.
I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and
enjoy life. She said some other shit too.

______________________________
THURSDAY:
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it
took me that long to tie my shoes.
Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine --
which I sank.
_______________________________
FRIDAY:
I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader.
If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it.

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
________________________________
SATURDAY:
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to
even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
________________________________
SUNDAY:
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over.
I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will
choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over , he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

Isn't it great reading Cm's personal diary!!

CM decides to slap Corwin with the dead fish she kept from the Dot...that should do well.

Woohooo! Trout slapping!
Haven't seen that in quite some time.

Cm said:

CM decides to slap Corwin with the dead fish she kept from the Dot...that should do well.

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Off course it isn't an episode out of your diary CM. It wouldn't take till Thursday to get mad at Belinda :lol:

See!! Bart knows I would have killed my daughter and never made that first call to set up an appointment with any gym! I didn't get that smilie for nothing.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=53849296

This isn't really "ha-ha" funny, but I found myself smiling at the ingenuity.

The Telegraph had a collection of (apparently real) complaints from tourists to their travel agents. Gave me a giggle. Sample:

"On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

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[ http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/p...iculous-complaints-made-by-holidaymakers.html ]

Ran across an ancient hippie joke the other day:

Two stoners are sitting on the beach at night partaking of their herb of choice. One leans back and sighs,"Look at all those stars. They look so close you could touch them."
"Yeah," the other says," they look so close, I bet you could walk up to them on this flashlight beam."
"No way, dude. I know you--you'd turn off the flashlight when I was halfway there."

Hopefully this doesn't require a history of substance abuse to appreciate properly...

First Cm, now Mags is giving us entries from her personal diary!!

Gaming gets a little bit of the Wrath of Foamy. (cartoon not for the kiddies)

http://www.illwillpress.com/

Haha, those are great. I better start watching them from episode 1 onwards, as there seem to be references to earlier episodes later on. Click. Achievement!

--

Kamehameha! Or ... Hydoken! Whatever it is, made me smile.

There's a couple hundred episodes, me thinks. There's 30-40 of them available in the archive. I highly recommend Tech Support 1-5 and the two coffeehouse bits at the bottom of the archive. Very few "duds" in the archive, though, so you can't go wrong if you've got the time.

Corwin said:

First Cm, now Mags is giving us entries from her personal diary!!

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I think you're right -> Just look at Mags avatar (edit: horrible spell correction)