Based on my experiences so far with Shadohe, once you build your vampiric stonedust handwraps (the base handwraps are bound to account, but they become bound to character when you add the vampiric, so you could farm out the wraps, the staff of shadow, and a purple -IIRC- mark ahead of time on one of your other toons and pass them down but don't combine them), you don't need to worry about a thing. As a monk, you rarely take massive damage anyway, and regen-ing 5hp per round (1hp/attack times 5 unarmed attacks/round as of level 13) will keep you filled up fairly well. Add in stunning fist and the stone prison off the handwraps, and the critters won't even get to swing at you half the time.
I'll have to refresh my memory on the details of the build, but I know I maxed DEX and boosted WIS and CON. I think I dropped a couple points into STR to make up for the penalty I took being halfling so I didn't get enfeebled to death. There's no real advantage to gimping a stat and getting it back via tome (like you've done on one of your pallys with WIS) since there aren't any spell level thresholds to meet. The important bonuses from stats are point-for-point on stats you'll already want high, so you'll want your tomes to get you higher rather than planning on them getting you to some goal line.
Feat-wise, I know I took weapon finesse very early. I think I was building toward spring attack, which has several pre-reqs. That's probably the dodge line you mentioned, but I need my paper in front of me to be sure.
Skill-wise, I think you've got it covered. I'd drop at least a point or two into tumble to activate the skill and then let your DEX bonus boost it to a decent value.
As far as the forum builds, if you're wanting a pure killing machine, you want to go dark monk. The light monk has a better balance. The one thing I've noticed with my dark monk is that you've really got to focus in on using moves to get the most out of it. If you tend to wade in and just click attack until the screen's clear (my favored approach), you're pissing away all the advantages. I would have been better off with a light monk because I'm a lazy melee. You should do a little soul searching before making a decision. You pick your direction at level 3 but you don't really see the results of the choice until many levels later. Since it's a feat choice that drives subsequent enhancement choices, it's a painful revision if you change your mind. The reason to max out healing amp is to get more out of "trickle healing" from vampirics and a specific light monk effect. Nice, but I don't know that I'd call it critical.
As usual, jm and az (and cm, in this case) have much more experience with the class than I, and would be better references.
Oh, aside from the handwraps, I'd farm the monky-love bracers out of the Sentinels pack-
http://ddowiki.com/page/Jidz-Tet'ka. You've probably got a crapload of Garments of Equilibrium already, if not they drop all the time.