Goals....personal

My second family(my best friend) that I grew up with father died on Jan.1 this year. I went to the funeral today, as I was walking out of that, I found out my sisters husband, they have been together for 26 years(first year of college) he has leukemia. Then one of my closest friends 15 year old that was hit by a truck three months ago getting off the school bus. They thought he was getting better as he woke up and was home after three months. The bleeding on the brain is getting worst again and the doctors don't know what to do.

So this is life and there isn't much we can do about it.

I was just talking to my wife about my day and hers and how it effects us. I mentioned it makes me want to finish a goal I never reached. She was not happy about it and got very mad at me.

Though the goal shouldn't matter, it was to reach 300lbs of lean muscle. I got close 5 years ago at 291Lbs but in the winter I blew out my shoulder in the gym. Then lost 27lbs when I got pneumonia.

Does it matter what or how silly one persons, personal goal is when we get to an age that people we cared so much about are starting to leave us?

Her worries are:

I am older now.
She hated having to help me put my clothing on.(my size and the pain I was in most days).
The food bill.
The hours spent at the gym.
Custom clothing again.
Dying

Shoulder injury is what caused me to stop lifting. That was about 17 years ago.

Rather traumatic turn of events you describe there.

My own family bad news. Father in law very ill the last couple of months. Thought we were going to lose him, so visited over the holidays. Seems to be stable for now, but only a 16th of the person he used to be.

On Xmas Day, I called my sister back in California to find out she's been diagnosed with cancer. Cancerous polyp found. Full hysterectomy to be planned ASAP.

Been a pretty rough holiday, and I am worse for the wear…

Thrasher said:

Shoulder injury is what caused me to stop lifting. That was about 17 years ago.

Rather traumatic turn of events you describe there.

My own family bad news. Father in law very ill the last couple of months. Thought we were going to lose him, so visited over the holidays. Seems to be stable for now, but only a 16th of the person he used to be.

On Xmas Day, I called my sister back in California to find out she's been diagnosed with cancer. Cancerous polyp found. Full hysterectomy to be planned ASAP.

Been a pretty rough holiday, and I am worse for the wear…

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Sorry to hear about that Thrasher and thank you for sharing. I won't go into the rest that is going on with my father and my father and law as it has been on going for about 8 months now.

Thrasher said:

Shoulder injury is what caused me to stop lifting. That was about 17 years ago.…

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That didn't stop me, once I was healthy again and my wife asking me not to go so big. I started training this 22 year old and stayed around the 250ihs range. I don't know maybe it is just the day's events.

The last 15 years of my life my goals have been towards my family. Today made me think that was the only thing I really wanted to reach for just me and was so close.

I know the work, it isn't the work in the gym. It is saying no to this and no to that. It is eating when you don't want to eat any more. It is trying to push one more rep on the leg press when you can't even walk.

I also know why she doesn't want me to do it. She was always there, feeding me, helping me get into my clothing to go to work, etc. It isn't easy matter of fact I dont' know why I would ever want to spend the next two years doing this.

The shoulder never recovered for me. Still bothers me to this day.

CelticFrost said:

Her worries are:



I am older now.

She hated having to help me put my clothing on.(my size and the pain I was in most days).

The food bill.

The hours spent at the gym.

Custom clothing again.

Dying

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Think that if your goal ends up making you dependent on your wife for dressing up that it matters...

Thrasher, I'm so sorry to hear about your father-in-law and your sister. 2015 was such a terrible year. My best wishes for the both of them.

I have a really sick bunny, too. She's got GI problems and is showing some seriously suspicious signs of the later stages of e. cuniculi - namely, she's acting like she's losing the use of her back legs. We kinda have no idea what to do for her. She's in really bad shape.

I didn't mean to jump in and gripe about myself. I think my point was…I hope we all make it through the beginning of this year.

Edit: She just died.

Lost two close family members myself last year. I just hope this year will be better for all of us.

Aubrielle said:

Edit: She just died.

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Sorry to hear about your bunny... I think it's always traumatising when your pet pass away. Your bunny was super cute too, I remember the picture you've posted a while back.

Sorry to hear everyone who had to lose loved ones or going through personal struggle. Let's hope things start to get better for everyone.

Thank you, Purple. I have to take care of my eldest now...she's like my child. Losing the one we lost tonight just showed me how important that is.

May 2016 improve for all of us, in a hurry.

Aubrielle said:

Edit: She just died.

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[FONT=Calibri,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]My condolences as I know how it feels as I lost two of my older cats two years ago [/FONT][FONT=Calibri,Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]Aubrielle. What made it worse was both died six months apart.

It was devastating for me.

Here is a good poem that has helped other pet owners.
[/FONT]

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge. When an animal dies
that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm
and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health
and vigour; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again,
just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and
looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers.
Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs
carrying him faster and faster. You have been spotted, and when you and your
special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again.

The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head,
and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your
life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together​

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Sorry to hear about your loss to CelticFrost.

Six months apart?? That is horrible. I'm truly sorry for your loss as well…

And thank you.

"My heart has joined the Thousand, for my friend stopped running today."
Hazel, Watership Down

I'm very sorry to hear about everyone's sad losses.

Begs for the Spider Robinson line, me thinks:
"Shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased—thus do we refute entropy."

I can relate, I've been biking for 25+ years now and have been quite fast and fit for the vast majority of it. In the last few years I've hurt both of my shoulders (surgery on one of them) and neither have healed back to the way they used to be. I can still bike but they ache easily now and 2 hours is about the max I can do now without the pain getting bad. I've even started jogging this winter instead of biking as much.

My brain say get back and lead my local group again but my body says NOOOOOOO! It sucks because I know how to train. I know how to get in shape but I think (know) my peak is in the past now. I knew it would happen eventually.

The reason I wrote that is because you need to step back and honestly ask yourself if your body is capable of getting to where you want it to be still. It sounds like we are about the same age. I'm 44. Now some people are mutants and you may be one of them and if so then damn straight do it but if not its ok to let yourself get a little older. I will say I do enjoy the extra free time I have now. More bar trips with friends, more gaming time, more reading time, just more lazy time. I still bike and you would of course still lift, just not at the pace we used to.

If you do decide to do it, make a thread so we can follow the progress and your marital status.

2015 was crappy for me too. I ended up with an a-fib and then had dozens of tests and such to figure out what was going on. It was an expensive year. My wife lost her job and so we lost a 1/3 of our income on top of having more bills than normal.

However, my poor brother-in-law would trade me any day. In the last two years he lost his wife, his father, and his home. Cancer, old age/kidney failure, and then a fire this last December. In addition, his mother's dementia has gone from bad to worse and she now needs 24 hour care. The 6 kids are all taking turns staying with their mom.

Aubrielle said:

Thrasher, I'm so sorry to hear about your father-in-law and your sister. 2015 was such a terrible year. My best wishes for the both of them.

I have a really sick bunny, too. She's got GI problems and is showing some seriously suspicious signs of the later stages of e. cuniculi - namely, she's acting like she's losing the use of her back legs. We kinda have no idea what to do for her. She's in really bad shape.

I didn't mean to jump in and gripe about myself. I think my point was…I hope we all make it through the beginning of this year.

Edit: She just died.

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Aubrielle, I feel for you and thank you for your thoughts. Need to remember to call my sister today… My brain isn't working quite right due to the stress (I think).

If death is becoming a very real threat to you, I don't think hiding in the gym is the best answer. When it's your turn to lie on the hospital bed, the list of regrets passing through your mind probably won't include not getting to 300 lbs. On the other hand, it may very well include not spending enough time with your family.

Guess I can be happy that my mood has been "neutral" and the same for ~10 years and nothing happened to me either way.

But to add to the question: I agree with Pladio and Korplem.

Goals are good and nice, but these should objectively be either neutral or positive.
Don't see a point in having a goal for the goal's sake.
You could learn something, or maybe craft something which is probably more satisfying as you got a direct and evolving product.
Also think about what might happen once you reach your goal.
In your case you might det depressive because your goal is gone. Or maybe you extend the goal which becomes even more dangerous.
With other goals like crafting you might have learnt something which helps you doing a new, bigger project.

Also, while it might seem pathetic: Don't just think of what you lost, but think about what you have. Apparently you got a caring wife. Appreciate it and don't risk to damage it. Instead, if possible, utilize it.