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DArtagnan
Guest
I'm late to this thread and I couldn't agree more.
Hehe, I got a kick out of that!
I'm late to this thread and I couldn't agree more.
Thanks it's better than the last one. It didn't fit the name so well this one does.I like your new avatar.
Thanks it's better than the last one. It didn't fit the name so well this one does.
Come on not you to.I just changed it and don't feel like changing it due to dirty minded minds.Yes, but it's a potato flavoured turd!! lol
Well that would turn me into a baked potato. I think I will sit here instead and fume in anger.Can you be an angry couch potato? I would think anger might make you leave the couch!!
And the chance to try out different avatars I have bunch of them.Ah, the power of the written word!! lol
And the chance to try out different avatars I have bunch of them.
Long thread… Long posting, long reply. I hope you'll make it through the end, dear reader, I'll understand if you give up.
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So, you know what honesty is, DArtagnan? You know what rational thinking is?
Your remarks remind me of times when I was younger, 18-25 years old, before Fate dumped some misfortune on me and I contemplated on life and on my life in particular.
But who knows, there may come a time where I will change my views again - life is change, and life is circular (as opposed to linear).
Let's bring in your personal space. Let's say you're a devil (or a god or a puppy or whatever, pick the one you like - those labels are irrelevant and do not represent my thoughts or feelings about you).
Let's say I say:
'You're a devil!'
But are you a devil all the time in every situation in the past and the present?
Unlikely.
'You're a devil sometimes!'
That's better. More truthful.
But hey, what's a devil actually? Opinions, definitions vary. Some might agree. Some may disagree, because they have never seen you behaving like a devil.
So it would be more correct to say:
'I think you're behaving like a devil sometimes.'
That would be most truthful, that would be honest.
Hm. Is it?
'I feel you're behaving like a devil sometimes.'
Wouldn't that be more correct? Or…?
'I think I feel you're behaving like a devil sometimes… '
Yup! Doing justice.
Funny: the more truthful, the more honest, the more modest. The more pleasant?
Yes, things are not black and white. Do not automatically assume others know what you mean, if you value understanding - if you ask me. Also, I don't think it's wise to assume without hesitation that words picked are honest or truthful just because they're the ones that were in your head, be it once or a hundred times.
In my experience: replace any hidden exclamation point for a questionmark and you'll end up being more honest than when opening your mouth and just burping out thoughts or feelings.
IMHO taking time to place question marks, taking time to pick the right words, may not only improve honesty but kindness as well.
I do not regard it as an either or situation. I do not have to behave as an unpleasant person, or come across as an unpleasant person, just because I have unpleasant news.
I often think of it as a challenge: how to formulate it in such a way that my sour news is taken in and easily swallowed. N.B: never do I use any lies to sweeten my sour.
I have experienced people may be grateful, no matter how bad the news, when you show you have taken note of their thoughts, feelings and point of view.
First. THE truth? I'm too well aware my truth is just one perception, as is yours, or anybody elses.
Often one perception does not exclude another; both can be true. So truth can be pleasant as well as unpleasant, depending on the perception. Perceptions can be changed. Constructive criticism is what I am talking of here, helping and supporting people. Now - not somewhere in the foreseeable future.
Second. To me deliverance in a pleasant way means one adjusts to one's conversational partner. I change my formulation, depending on the audience. I am not a stupid machine that has only one way of saying it, only one song to sing my message. No.
I can't imagine YOU'RE that restricted that your truth can be told in just one way. Isn't it the essence that counts rather than the form?
Me, I try to get the same reaction in the short term that I hope I'll get in the long term.
I too care about honesty. But I am not interested in hurting people just for the sake of being honest: 'Here's my raw shit, you may leave if you like, one day you'll see it made sense, one day you may be grateful that I took it up on me to bring you the tough news'.
No.
I am not quite sure about you but to me the painful message has to serve a purpose. I wish to express the reason of my frankness and the reason of my timing, i.e. why now.
In order to make sure the other person understands the reason of my honesty, I need to refer to his/her thoughts, feelings and point of view. I want to show I am understanding him/her before asking for any understanding concerning me. When it comes to bad news I have to show respect before being able to ask respect. Well, at least that's my point of departure. It does not mean I succeed.
I need to offer something more than mere pain. Getting a painful message to someone who I expect won't understand - not today anyway - is a no no to me. Telling my perception of the truth and hoping the other person may understand one day, is simply not good enough for me. I want more and I want it today. Today I am focused to ease any possible pain, today I can help. Tomorrow does not exist until tomorrow is today.
If there's nothing more than pain today, pain, incomprehension or dislike, I think - and feel - I've failed.
Needless to say I do not wish to spend any time causing pain, incomprehension or dislike, I have beter things to do in life.
People differ, they do not need to see it like I do. So I hold my tongue, think my thoughts, feel my feelings, shrug my shoulders and move on.
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Thanks for reading.